Not anymore.
Not ever again.
“She kept catching me staring at you when we were in high school. When I was nearly going crazy with how fucking bad I wanted you. Not because I felt fucking sorry for you.” My face pinched in sincerity. “But because I wanted what I saw. Why do you think I called you clueless all those years?”
She wavered, her tongue darting out to wet her lips like she didn’t know how to respond.
I answered for her. “Because you didn’t seem to get how fucking gorgeous and appealing and perfect you were. Even if you didn’t want me, I wanted you to see yourself for how amazing you were.”
I dipped in closer, nose filling with the scent of this girl, my heart taking off like a gunshot. “How amazing you are. And if there is anyone around here who needs pity? It’s me.”
Pushing through all the boundaries, I backed her against the hallway wall. I planted my hands over her head, and she gasped a breath that I inhaled, and I ran my nose up the side of her jaw so I could murmur in her ear. “Because I’ve been the pathetic fucker who’s been in love with his little sister’s best friend for his entire life.”
Those big brown eyes blinked a thousand times, staring up at me, her face twisting with hope and doubt. “What did you say?”
I hooked her chin with my index finger and forced her to meet the gravity in what I was about to confess. The sheer truth of it. “I’m in love with you, Kenna Myer. I’m in love with this sexy body and your gorgeous heart and your giving spirit. I’ve been for as long as I can remember.”
I angled closer. “You want the truth? I’ve always been right here, waiting on the sidelines for you to see me for me, too. Not the cocky asshole who was your best friend’s big brother. But as a boy who fell for a girl. Fully and wholly.”
Her throat wobbled as she swallowed, emotion rising in the air and shivering in the inch that separated us, our hearts running wild, a thundering crack that ricocheted through the enclosed hall.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered, those eyes a tangle of need and affection and the one thing I’d wanted for all my life.
Her love.
I wanted to sweep her up. Take her and love her right back.
But I knew we couldn’t go any farther without hashing this out. Putting a nail in the questions and insecurities.
Until she was clear.
Regret tightened my chest in a vice. “Already told you, for years, Vanessa warned me off. I figured maybe you were too young for me. Too good for me. I don’t fucking know. Only thing I did know was it didn’t feel right to go after you. I spent a ton of years trying to forget my feelings, but it didn’t change, no matter how much time went by. When I went to your and Vanessa’s graduation, I decided I didn’t fucking care, anymore. I was going to go for it. I came to you, remember?”
I’d been all in that night.
Put my heart on the line.
She hadn’t even acknowledged it.
A frown pulled across her face, brow drawing together as she searched through her memories.
Saw the second she struck on the right one.
“After dinner,” she whispered, confusion twined through her soft voice. “Out by the pool.”
I gave a tight nod. “Yeah. And you didn’t say anything. I figured that was it. Killed me, but I told myself I had to finally accept that you didn’t feel the same. That I had to move on because loving you hurt too much.”
A single tear tracked down her cheek. “I . . . I remember I was so nervous, out there with you alone. I’m pretty sure I was basically hearing a buzz in my head and not what you were actually saying. Because what I thought you were saying couldn’t have been true, you know?”
She shrugged a pained shrug. “I . . . I convinced myself I was making it up. That I was assigning a whole new meaning to what you said. That you didn’t mean it like I thought.”
She inhaled a shaky breath. “But then you stalked away and . . . I . . . I told myself I had to at least try. Put myself out there for the first time. It took me a couple hours, but finally I managed to gather the courage to go looking for you. I found you with Lanie.” The last she choked over.
Regret blasted through my being. What the fuck had I been thinking? Acting out of pride and hurt and my pouting dick rather than with my heart and mind.
I dropped my gaze and blew out a sigh. “Shit.”