We all laugh at this, except Jake of course, who’s scowling, although he’s looking green today from too much alcohol. Plus, don’t get me wrong but Jake’s not exactly a ladies’ man. To say he’s on the heavier side is putting it nicely. He isn’t bad looking, but he’s big and shy, kind of like a huge Newfoundland. Of course, once he gets comfortable with you, the floodgates open up and his personality comes pouring out. Then, he’s all fun and games. But it takes time to unleash and unfortunately, most girls don’t stick around that long.
Our friend, Zack, on the other hand is a real ladies’ man. He’s smooth, sly, and confident with soft flowing hair that practically hangs down to his waist. I know ladies love to run their fingers through that brown mane, but he has it up in a man-bun most days. Plus, with his gauged ears and colorful tattoos, he’s got plenty of women asking him out. So this dig coming from him is especially hurtful to Jake.
“Ladies, ladies! No need to fight,” I interject, trying to ease the tension in the yard. “I’ll actually have you know there was one girl there worth pursuing.”
“What, one of your mom’s friends or your sister’s?” Zack asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah what are we working with here? Are you chasing cougars or children, buddy?” Jake chimes in.
I snort.
“Sure, have your laughs,” I say. “And no, I don’t go after children or cougars because one, it’s illegal, and two, that’s just not my style.”
The two of them laugh.
“Yeah, but there’s no one else then,” remarks Jake. “Or did I miss something?”
I shrug.
“It’s one of my sister’s friends. Her best friend, actually. They’ve been buddies since they were eleven or twelve years old, so we’ve known her for years now. I always thought she was one of the few tolerable kids my sister brought around because let’s face it: most of Patty’s friends are pretty dorky. But I never thought of Zoe in that way because she was just a kid.”
“You’re into your sister’s best friend? That’s a little messed up man,” Jake says. “Isn’t your sister way younger than you?”
I nod.
“Younger but not that young. Seven years, to be exact, so her friend should be legal now.”
Zack snorts.
“You better check on that, buddy. We don’t want you going to jail for robbing the cradle.”
Then Jake sits forward.
“But seven years younger makes her oh … eighteen, right?”
I nod.
“Yeah, she’s eighteen, and yes, I know because she and Patty celebrate their birthdays together, so I know she turned eighteen in May. She’s still in high school though, which I will admit is weird. But yes, she’s legal, and no, she does not look or act like a high schooler. If you saw her, you’d agree.”
“Oh really,” says Zack slyly. “And why is that?”
Against my better judgment, I describe a few of Zoe’s assets.
“Breasts like enormous melons,” I rhapsodize. “Hips that sway and an ass with two full moons.”
Jake whistles.
“Holy shit. That does not sound like a high school girl at all. Most women that age are still somewhat undeveloped.”
I shake my head.
“There’s nothing undeveloped about Zoe. She’s ripe and ready to be plucked.”
Both men whistle then.
“So how did it go? Is she into you or what?” Zack asks.
I shrug.
“I didn’t make a move. I wanted to really badly, but what the fuck was I going to do? It was my parents’ party. I was standing there talking with the old man from next door who’s got white hair peeking out from his armpits.”
Jake snorts with laughter.
“Tough cookies. But did you, you know, get a moment alone or anything?”
I snort again.
“What? No, I wish. But the worst part was I got a hard-on just watching Zoe walk around in her bikini. Shit. I had to take over the grill as an excuse to hide my boner behind something.”
My buddies get a real kick out of that one. Zack laughs, and takes a swig of his beer.
“I would have talked to her, boner or not.”
I shoot a sharp look at him.
“Oh really? You would have talked to an eighteen year old innocent while your dick said hello?”
He smirks while drinking his beer again.
“She ain’t that innocent, judging from the body you just described. She’s a full-grown woman. She can handle it.”
I’m kind of pissed at Zack now, but I hold my tongue. It feels like he’s disrespecting Zoe, and that makes me angry. Of course, there’s no sense in messing up a friendship because Zack’s always a total ass, but I still feel protective of Zoe as if she’s already my girlfriend.
“So, when are you going to see her next?” Zack asks casually.
I shrug.
“I found her journal while we were cleaning up last night. Figure I’d take the time to return it to her in person.”