“I trust Steer,” he says slowly. “But he was an officer under Sway too.”
“You didn’t want to clean house when you came in?” Not that I need him to confirm or deny.
He hesitates. “Assuming Sway’s role at the head of the table was a…delicate procedure.”
Something Z would’ve been perfect for. Lotta folks underestimated him back in the day and it seems like he’s used that to his advantage over the years.
“I didn’t want to leave upstate,” Z says. “Still burns my ass a little.”
“You can’t go back to VP once you’ve been the prez.”
He shrugs. “I could give a fuck about titles.” He gestures toward the screen where the text from Rock is still blinking. “I never felt stifled or anything working with Rock. And yes, I mean working with. He doesn’t treat any of us like we’re underneath him.”
“Never was afraid to get his hands dirty.”
“Right. He’s always had everyone’s respect.” He snickers. “Well, he was rough on Teller and Murphy sometimes, but they deserved it.”
“I’ve noticed he still is. Couldn’t have been too bad. They turned into fine brothers.”
“Aw, papa bear. It’s so good you’re home.”
“Don’t start with me.”
The smirk slides off his face. “I mean it, G. I hate that you missed out on so much.”
“No more than I do.” No point in denying the obvious. Or wallowing in it.
“I know.”
“If I dwell on it too long, it’ll make me crazy,” I warn, hoping he’ll drop it.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
“It’s always there.” I tap my fingers against the back of my skull. “That feeling lingering. I want to make up for lost time. That’s why I hate this shit with Grillo holding me back.”
“It won’t last forever, brother. One way or another we’re going to take care of him.”
“He’s my problem to handle.”
“Problem of my brother’s is a problem of mine. That hasn’t changed.”
Why has it always been so easy for me to give that advice but so hard to accept it myself?
I can’t believe I’m going to say this out loud. But Z didn’t have to give up his evening to drive around Empire County with me. I want him to put his guilty conscience to rest. “I feel like I have this second chance with Serena. And I really don’t want to fuck it up.”
“You won’t.” He pauses. I glance over and catch his clenched jaw.
“What?” I prompt.
“Nothing. Maybe don’t pin all your hope on one girl, you know? She’s…ah…at a different stage of life than you are.”
“Thanks for not saying ‘young enough to be my daughter’ like Wrath did.”
He grins. “Wrath wouldn’t understand tact if a thousand pounds of it fell on his big ol’ Viking skull.”
“We’ve talked about that.” I cough and shift in my seat. “Serena and I, I mean.”
“You have?”
“Yes, Z.” I’m not going to get into personal stuff she’s shared with me. He already knows more than he should. “She’s had it rough in her own way.”
“Most people who end up in club life have a reason.”
I growl at the mention of Serena being involved in the club, even though I already know all about it.
“Easy, I didn’t mean anything bad by it.”
“I know you didn’t.” I stare out the window watching the red taillights ahead of us. “In some ways, I think she’s better suited to being an ol’ lady than Rosie ever was.”
“Probably.” He glances over. “Although, I’d keep those comparisons to a minimum, brother. Women ain’t fond of that.”
I snort. “Yeah. I screwed stuff up with Rosie long before I went inside. Trying hard not to do it again.”
“Learning from our mistakes and trying to do better is what it’s all about, right?”
“Supposedly.”
“You think you’re ready to be a dad?”
“Doesn’t really matter if I’m ready or not.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“But I am.” I glance over. “You, Rock, and Wrath were fun and all, but—”
He bursts into laughter. “Bro, today they will throw you right back in jail if you try raising a kid the way you ‘raised’ us.”
“Goddamn, you were such a smooth-talking little bullshitter when Rock brought you to the clubhouse.”
He grins even wider. “I’m a hustler, baby.”
“Were you ever.” My mouth curves at the memory. Full of himself or not, Z earned my respect early with his loyalty and hard work.
Z slows the truck and makes the turn onto the narrow road leading to the clubhouse’s gate.
“How’d you guys ever find this place?”
“I honestly don’t remember. We needed something with the space for Sparky to grow his crops. Wanted it to be private and hard to find.”
“You got that.”
“I’m looking forward to you coming to see downstate.”
“Same, brother.”
Z slows the truck as we approach the gate. It slides open, allowing us to continue up the steep, paved driveway.
“Looks like the party must’ve moved down to Crystal Ball,” Z says as he slides into a spot across from the clubhouse.