Somehow, it’s easier to say it when she’s not looking right at me. “I’m pregnant.”
Damn, that feels weird rolling off my tongue.
She flicks her gaze to mine and for a brief second, pity, sorrow, or maybe disappointment flickers over her face. “Why don’t we take these in the living room?” She lifts her mug and stands.
Feeling like a kitten whose mama cat is about to drag her by the scruff, I grab my mug and follow.
I sink into the corner of her couch. Turning to face her, I tuck one leg under my butt.
“How far along are you?” she asks.
“Not long. I took a test, well, three tests this morning.”
“What does Gray think?”
I drop my gaze to my mug, staring into the amber liquid, searching for answers. “I haven’t told him yet.”
Her hand slips into my field of vision, resting on my knee. “Are you afraid he’ll be mad?”
“I guess so.” I lift my head but still can’t meet her eyes. I stare at the curtains covering the large bay window in the dining area. Heavy, dark velvet with gold tassels. Must’ve been something her parents picked out. It doesn’t seem like Emily’s style.
“Serena?” she prods. “Are you worried he’ll hurt you?”
“No. He’s not like…not like that. “
She sighs. “Good. Okay.”
“We just haven’t been together long. I asked him once and he didn’t seem receptive to the idea.”
“Well, he has a lot going on, trying to put his life back together.”
I finally meet her eyes. “Thanks.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” She brushes off my defensiveness. “I don’t know him as well as you do. I only met him once. But he seemed awfully smitten with you.”
I can’t help smiling. “He’s good to me.”
“He’s older, though. A baby at his age…he’s probably not going to be able to help you out as much. And of course, you know, there’s a good chance you—”
“Don’t.” I don’t even want to think about Gray dying before me.
“I know you’ve already thought about all of this.”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“You should talk to him, Serena. Don’t preemptively decide how he’s going to feel without talking to him. Give him a chance.”
“I know.”
“Ultimately, it’s your decision and I’ll support you no matter what.”
I clutch my stomach. “I want this baby, Emily.” Tears sting my eyes. “I want it so much. That’s why I’m so scared.”
“Oh, honey.” She scoots closer and tugs the tea out of my hand, setting it on the coffee table. “I get it. I do. You went through a lot. And this is probably bringing up that trauma.”
“Obviously.”
She wraps her arms around me, pulling me into an awkward hug. After a moment of hesitation, I hug her back. “Thank you for not telling me how stupid and careless I am,” I whisper against her hair.
“I’d never say that, because it’s not true.”
Unconvinced, I shake myself out of our embrace. “I’m not scared he’ll hurt me physically.” Old memories threaten to burst out of the brick walls I built in my mind to contain them. I wrap my arms around my middle and rock forward. “But if I sense he’s mad or doesn’t want the baby or even suggests…I can’t handle it.”
“You can handle anything.” She leans into my space, leveling a stern stare at me. “You’re the bravest, strongest woman I know—
“I—”
“No.” She slashes her hand in front of her. “You’re not a good judge of yourself. I’m objective.”
The corners of my lips twitch. “You’re not objective.”
“Well, you’re definitely not.” She pats my knee. “Seriously. You just found out a few hours ago. Take some time and let the news sink in. Steel yourself emotionally to have that talk with Grayson. You can do it over the phone if you want to keep some distance. I can go out. Give you space if you need space. Or I can stay and hold your hand. Whatever you want.”
“I don’t even have a job right now.”
“Your channel’s doing better, right?” She wrinkles her nose. “No offense, but your apartment’s not really great for a baby.”
“I should’ve taken Gray’s offer to move me into a nicer place,” I mutter.
“He did? Why’d you turn him down?”
“It’s too soon. I didn’t want to get comfortable somewhere, then we break up, and I end up homeless.”
“Smart. Yeah.” Her eyes light up. “Move in with us!”
“What?”
“Yes! We have more than enough room.” She points at the ceiling. “That corner room is empty. It gets great sunlight in the morning, so you can film your videos.” She twists toward the dining room. “Or there in the afternoons.”
“I can’t take over your whole house.”
“We have the room. Please.” She squeezes her hands together. “The little room next to yours is just storage. I’ll clean it out and you can use it as a nursery. It’ll be perfect.”
“Emily, you don’t want a baby in your home.”