Yes, I’d liked it. Why was I so angry at the thought of Andrew becoming an escort? I guess because I’d gotten so lost in the business, or maybe because I’d fallen in love with a client, and had my feelings betrayed.
“W manhandled me and terrified me,” I said. “He called me a whore and a slut. He choked me—more than once—until I passed out. He—he raped me.”
The R-word was so ugly. Andrew went still, his dark eyes full of confusion and dismay. “How… But… How could that happen? I thought he paid you for sex.”
I sighed. “It’s hard to explain. He was weird.”
“Explain it to me.”
I didn’t think I owed him any explanations, but the story came spilling out. “The first time he let me meet him without a blindfold, I was supposed to watch for him in the Empire Hotel lobby.”
“How were you supposed to watch for him when you’d never seen him?”
“That’s just it. I was supposed to guess who he was, and follow him to the elevators. And I did. I guessed correctly, and I followed him, but he pretended to be someone else, and when I followed him into the room, he went all psychopath on me. He ripped off my panties and stuffed them in my mouth, and gagged me with his tie.”
Andrew’s mouth sagged open. “Holy shit. That’s fucked up.”
“It was very fucked up.”
“You thought he was a psycho stranger, but it was him?”
“I didn’t know what to think. Meanwhile he’s suffocating me, raping me, threatening to kill me.”
Andrew swallowed hard, and spoke very quietly. “Is it wrong of me to say that sounds really hot?”
I glowered at him. “It wasn’t hot in the moment. I thought I was going to die.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But, God, I would love to feel that kind of intensity, that excitement. I’d love to experience it just once.”
“You think so, but escorting isn’t as sexy as it sounds. I promise you, there are a lot of times you’ll wish you were anywhere else. And you still have to be there, and cooperate, and earn your money. Andrew, please don’t get into escorting. Please think before you act.”
“I will, I promise. I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me. I thought I might enjoy the work.” He gazed at me in concern. “Are you mad at me?”
“Fuck yeah, I’m mad at you.”
My emotions were in an uproar, from seeing Henry and talking about W, and thinking about Andrew meeting some rich, horny john.
“What did you say to W when you realized…when you realized it was him?” he asked. “Did you fucking kill him? Did you try to cut off his dick?”
“I wanted to. I was pretty freaked out. I cried really hard, and yelled, and he apologized. Then I tried to leave, and he asked me to go swimming with him.”
“The old swimming trick.”
I gave Andrew a look. “What old swimming trick?”
“The swimming trick. You can’t stay angry in water. It’s soothing. It worked, didn’t it? You forgave him. You saw him again.”
“I saw him again,” I admitted. “That same night, I let him take me back down to the room, and you know what he did?”
He got a wistful look. “He made it up to you with gentle, apologetic lovemaking?”
“No. He gagged me again, same as the first time, and fucked me just as hard. Somewhere along the line he also spanked the shit out of me.” And I liked it. I wanted more. That’s the worst part, I still want more…
Andrew whimpered. “I’m horny now. I’m sorry, babes, but that’s so hot. I want that. I want to be someone’s plaything. I’m a masochist, and a sub. You might not have enjoyed it, but I think I would.”
“Why don’t you try it then?” I said bitterly. “I’m not going to be able to talk you out of it. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when you eventually get hurt.”
“Love always hurts.” He shrugged. I could already feel him drawing away from me, and it was so sad, but so expected.
“No,” I said. “Love always lies.”
Price
Let me explain about the day I raped Chere. I never really meant to do it.
Okay, yes, I raped her. In hindsight I realize it was a very bad, very wrong thing to do. It was reprehensible. It’s also reprehensible that the frantic terror of that rape is still my go-to fantasy when I’m rubbing one out.
I guess the best thing I can say in my defense is that it was not premeditated. When I busted out with the Texan accent—that was the moment I decided to deceive her. Up until that point, I had only meant to mock her for her uncertainty. I mean, she’d known right away who I was. But then she lost her nerve, and I saw a chance, and I took it.