“You’re welcome,” his dad muttered into his shoulder. He held tight to Nick for a moment, and when he drew back his eyes were suspiciously bright.
Jackson shook his dad’s hand while Nick hugged his mum. “Thanks for having us, Mum, and for persuading me to come.”
“Thank you for coming.” She squeezed him and kissed his cheek before releasing him. “It’s been lovely seeing you—both of you.” She smiled at Jackson and opened her arms to hug him too.
“Thanks, Sue,” Jackson said.
She addressed Nick directly. “Don’t leave it so long next time. Come back soon.”
“I will.” Nick wanted his parents to be part of his life again, so he made a promise to himself that he would return—with or without Jackson.
His family came outside to wave them off, and Nick watched them in the rear-view mirror, waving out of his window until they were out of sight.
“Well,” he said with a sigh of relief. “That went a hell of a lot better than I was expecting.”
“Yeah. You and your dad seem to be getting on fine now.”
“Mum was right. He really has changed.”
“I’m glad you gave him a chance,” Jackson said.
“I’m glad too. I probably wouldn’t have done without you there to push me, so thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Nick glanced across at him. “And thanks again for coming with me.”
“You’re welcome,” Jackson repeated. He didn’t meet Nick’s gaze.
There was so much more Nick wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to begin, and he was too afraid to try in case he fucked it up. Now probably wasn’t the best time anyway. Starting a serious conversation in a car was dangerous, because if it went badly there was nowhere to escape.
Jackson had the sense of something slipping away from him as Nick’s car ate up the miles, gradually getting them closer to home.
Home.
What was it going to be like being back there? Were they going to be able to put the weirdness behind them and get back to normal?
Nick was driving with his gaze fixed on the road ahead. He’d put on a playlist of music for the drive and his hands were curled tight on the steering wheel as he beat out the rhythm with his thumbs. The tension in the car was painfully obvious, but neither of them seemed ready to try to clear the air.
There was an ache in Jackson’s chest and an unsettled antsy feeling in his stomach. He wished he could get to the gym and chase it away by pushing his body until his muscles hurt more than his heart. As it was, he was stuck immobile in a car for three hours with Nick—the source of his current discomfort. It was making him feel a little crazy. When he got home, he could at least go out for a run. Maybe that would burn off this unbearable sense of longing and frustration.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
Cursing himself once again for getting into this mess, Jackson got out his phone and earbuds. “I’m going to listen to a podcast for a bit.”
“Okay.”
He selected one of the health podcasts he subscribed to and settled back to listen. It was a welcome distraction and his anxiety slowly settled as he listened to the interview and watched the world flash by the car window. After half an hour or so, his eyelids started to feel heavy, so he closed them and allowed his mind to drift until he dozed off. He slept fitfully, pulled back into consciousness by every small sound as Nick moved, and every click-click-click of the indicator as Nick changed lanes.
At some point, Nick’s voice brought him back as he asked softly, “Jackson. You asleep?”
Jackson had been asleep until the moment he’d been asked the question, and he wasn’t in the mood for conversation anyway, so it seemed easier not to respond. His closed eyes and immobility would answer for him.
Twelve
When they got home, Jackson went straight to his room to unpack. He could hear the TV in the living area, so he knew Nick must have been out there. Jackson couldn’t avoid him forever, but his restless anxiety of earlier had returned full force, so he got into his running kit. Maybe some exercise would help him chill out and deal with everything better.
“Oh, hey,” Nick said as Jackson emerged from his room. “I was about to ask if you wanted a tea or coffee, but I guess not.”
“Nah. But thanks.”
“You heading to the gym?”
“Nope. Just going for a run.”
“Okay. Have a good one.”
“Cheers.”
It was dark outside, but the route Jackson chose was well-lit. He stuck to the side streets so there weren’t too many pedestrians to dodge, and when he reached the park he ran laps until his body was exhausted and his mind had calmed.
“You were ages.” Nick glanced up from the TV when Jackson got home.