Confusion begins to war with my mind as part of me aches to feel his soft, loving touch, and the other part of me wants to be miles away from the traitorous, lying bastard. I’m not ready to face him. I begin to struggle in Quinn’s hold, shaking my head profusely, crying out in distress. “No…no…no…” I howl over and over again. Quinn holds me tighter against his hard body, not letting me escape.
I feel claustrophobic and begin to panic. I clutch at the fabric of Quinn’s shirt in total anguish. God, please make the pain in my heart stop, please.
Quinn’s deep, gravelly voice sounds out over my wails as I hear him telling Travis to back off. “Trav, she’s not ready to see you. You need to go, man.”
Travis stands over me, resolved to win this as he always is. He’s determined to never lose. “She needs me,” he states firmly. “I can’t leave her like this.”
I shake my head, burrowing my eyes into the front of Quinn’s shirt. Travis removes his hand, but leans over me, bringing his mouth close to my ear. Travis’ voice sounds choked as he pleads, “Sweetheart, you’re killing me here. Let me take care of you.”
I twist at Quinn’s shirt with a death grip, refusing to look at him. Quinn cuts in, effectively shutting Travis down once and for all. “Travis, you need to get the fuck out…now.”
Travis lets out a resigned sigh. “Come get me if she changes her mind.”
“You got it,” Quinn calmly replies. I’m amazed how Quinn can always get Travis to listen to him.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Travis leaves the room, and then I slump back into the arms of another criminal, searching for a solace that doesn’t exist. I don’t know how much time has gone by before I realize the tears have dried out and the only sound in the room is my breath hitching. Quinn continues to make soothing sounds while stroking the length of my back in a calming manner.
“Quinn?” I whisper with a hoarse, scratchy voice.
“Yeah?”
I incline my head back, gazing into his crystal blue eyes. “Why didn’t Travis tell me, again?”
“For several reasons.” He pauses as his hand brushes back a lock of hair from my neck. “He didn’t want your heart to shatter like it is right now. The second being he wanted you to choose him over Adam before you found out.”
“So why did you go against him then, and wind up telling me?”
“Because I already know where you belong, and I think you do too. I didn’t want you looking back, wondering about what-ifs, and then it ends up messing with your relationship with Travis. Most importantly, I didn’t want you to feel any guilt over your choices.”
“But I can’t keep living in lies, or in captivity. The constant threat of danger lurks around every corner. It’s just…wrong and inhumane to keep another human like this.” Why am I trying to convince another criminal to suddenly think about getting a set of morals, and make him realize that stealing another human is wrong? There is no convincing men like them. They’re in this business for a reason.
“Well, you are definitely in an unusual set of circumstances, that’s for sure,” he says, staring at me in all seriousness. “However, it’s Nick who has, and continues to create the perilous dangers, and if I remember correctly, he’s the one who extrapolated you from your life,” Quinn points out as we both fall silent for a few minutes with me digesting his words.
I find myself suddenly chewing on my thumbnail, a very old, nervous habit, one I had when I first left home, going off to boarding school. Stress and insecurity are the culprits, and it pisses me off, because it took me a long time to lose the habit. Quinn’s stare is intense, and I can’t take the heat from it any longer, so I shift my gaze to his chest. He pries my finger away from my mouth, and keeps hold of my hand as he breaks the silence.
“Even if you were to be set free this very second, you know you could never go back. You do know that, right?” The tenacity of his gaze bores a hole straight through me, and I swallow hard.
Confused, I ask him to elaborate. “I don’t understand.”
“Let’s say if Nick wasn’t even part of the equation anymore; the bottom line is you’ve been through too much to go back to what it was you had before. If you went back to your old life, you wouldn’t survive it. Things would never be the same. You’ve acquired too much new history.”
“New history?” My brows furrow in confusion as I study his face and soak in his every word.
“Think about it for a moment. One of the reasons why we’re such a tight knit group is because at one time or another, all of us have killed. Nobody in your old life will be able to relate to what you’ve been through…or what you’re about to go through. They won’t know how to handle you, and you won’t know how to cope.” He pauses and gently runs his thumb over my cheekbone in a soothing gesture. “But Travis can relate.” I bite the inside of my cheek as he speaks with keen perception. “Not only will he help you, but he loves you…you know?”