He glanced towards the front door and his attention caught on the hideous elk-horn coat rack hanging on the wall. Ex swallowed around the lump of anguish, getting angry when he felt moisture building in the corners of his eyes. You weak-ass pussy... man-up. He stared at the empty rack. Oh, god he’d hated that freaking thing. It looked like a medieval torture device. Ex had a hard time swallowing his mashed potatoes, as if his throat no longer worked. Evan had paid five dollars for it at a yard sale when some swindler had convinced him that it was an antique. They’d wrestled around the cabin like fools, snatching it away from each other. But in the end, Ex had hung it on the wall because Evan always got his way.
He tossed the rest of his dinner into the sink and turned on the faucet to wash his hands. He dried them on a paper napkin and aggressively wiped the damp cloth across his lips. He was mad. Damn he was mad and he knew that wasn’t good. He wished things could just go back to the way they’d been. Back to Evan being home and safe... no... on his way to college to start his own life. He and Meridian would be at their home base in Syria on deactivation, which meant continuing to train day and night on the best ways to kill their enemies. Honing their skills... together. All would be right with the world.
Ex opened the cabinet and reached inside for a glass, needing some water. His hand froze when he saw his favorite USMC-Bound coffee mug his mother had given him sitting off to the side. At least it had been his favorite mug until a little pipsqueak had dropped and broken it after Ex had forbidden him to use it. Then Evan tried to not-so-neatly super-glue it back together... with Gorilla glue. He’d never forget the look on Evan’s face when Ex had reached for it that first time to fix himself a cup of coffee. Evan had immediately started in on how sorry he was and he’d fixed it the best he could. But trying to be angry at Evan was like trying to be mad at a begging beagle.
Ex stared at the chipped red ceramic and the sharp pieces of dried glue that’d nicked his lip when he’d tried to use it again. He shook his head and gripped the edge of the sink, squeezing until his arms started to burn. He wanted to stop thinking about it, he didn’t want to feel that consuming burn anymore. Ex growled and narrowed his eyes, the pain intensifying with each passing second. He doubled over as the little amount of food he’d eaten threatened to shoot up his throat.
I need... where’s...?
He felt a chill wrack his body making him tighten his lips before his teeth could start to chatter. He could feel the cold battling with the fire in his veins. Ex clutched the counter, his breathing becoming shallower until he thought he’d pass out. Fucking hell? This wasn’t him. He was stronger than this. Ex was disgusted at his weakness. He drew his elbow back and slammed his fist into the cabinet, causing the wood to crack and splinter in the middle. He moved to do it again, not yet satisfied with the minimal amount of destruction when a solid heat slammed into his back and a strong arm halted his fist in mid-strike.
“Don’t you fucking hurt yourself,” Meridian growled against the side of his neck, clutching him tightly. “Calm yourself.”
“I can’t,” Ex hissed. “Where were you?”
“I’m right here,” Meridian murmured, wrapping his arms around Ex, his intense body heat chasing away the chills. “I haven’t gone anywhere. Breathe... focus.”
Ex grunted in the tight embrace. “Mere.”
“I’m right here.”
“How do I control this?” Ex’s knees tried to give out, and he leaned back to put the weight of his sorrow on his partner, because he wasn’t sure he could carry it alone any longer.
“Marshall,” Ex whispered, sounding broken. “How?”
Meridian held on to the man in his arms and moved his exhausted body across the small kitchen until his back was pressed against the cupboard door. With his weight in front of him, he was able keep Ex standing. “Look at me.”
Ex’s eyes appeared glazed and watery before murky gray-blue irises slowly focused on his face. He couldn’t stop frowning as he stared down at Ex. He had to get him out of this city. It was fucking with him, fucking with his mind. The fight had been ingrained in them and they needed to get back to it. But Ex would forever be haunted here if he didn’t satisfy the animal riding him to seek and seize his revenge.
Ex gazed up at him and released a breath on a slow five count.