Ex tilted his head as Meridian’s coarse beard brushed over the sensitive skin where he’d just shaved. “I’m glad I don’t remember that part.”
“I’m glad you don’t either.”
Ex held Meridian tightly around his narrow waist, their gazes locked on each other. “But, I do remember some.”
“Is this really something you want to talk about now?”
Ex wasn’t sure. But it was a conversation they’d put off for long enough. He’d almost died two years ago and they’d put it behind them as if it was nothing. He’d been shot up with a ton of drugs, given twelve weeks to recover then sent back out into the field. They weren’t supposed to feel anything. But he did. And he knew Meridian did too. Ex hadn’t been the same either after that op. He’d gotten the nightmares and Meridian had become extremely overprotective.
“I want to know more, Mere.”
“You sat in on the briefings, you read my report. I recounted everything that happened the moment we were ambushed.” Meridian leaned harder against him and Ex noticed his erection had waned. But he was no less entranced, hanging on to Meridian’s every word.
“I don’t want the official recounted version,” Ex said roughly. He placed a kiss on the side of Meridian’s Adam’s apple when his head fell back as if he was exasperated. “I want your version to me.”
“There’s a reason I haven’t talked about it, Xavier,” Meridian grumbled.
“Before I put myself out there, I need for you to give me this,” Ex said.
He wanted his partner, he wanted him in every way possible, but he had to know if Meridian was in. All the way. He wanted him as a partner, a lover, a friend, all of it. Just like... just like Godfrey and Day had. Well, almost like them. He wanted to break the rules with Meridian, live in the shadows beside him, hunt terrorists with him and continue protecting their country. He wanted to have a part of Meridian that had nothing to do with the program. He wanted his heart.
Ex shivered and Meridian led him to the bed and pulled back the covers, nodding for Ex to climb in. He almost hid how turned on he was to be stretched out on Meridian’s warm sheets that smelled of him, but he stopped himself. From now on, Meridian would see all of him.
Meridian went to the fireplace and stoked it with the poker before adding enough logs to keep it burning a couple more hours. As he watched, Ex noticed what the hell Meridian was wearing. He craned his head to get a better look while his partner was focused on the fire. Ex’s mouth watered at the sight of Meridian’s muscular ass in a thin pair of blood-red, silk pajama pants. Damn, the man had a sexy way about him. They were loose but they still fit him deliciously. Meridian turned and caught him staring but he didn’t bother to hurry and look away.
His partner’s dark eyes gleamed in the firelight, his attraction obvious as he dragged his gaze from Ex’s eyes down to the bulge in his boxer briefs. He supposed wandering outside of Meridian’s door in his underwear was another way to get his attention as well. Meridian slid onto the bed and didn’t stop until his long, solid body was fully on top of him.
Ex arched and gasped in surprise, not expecting the blatant boldness. Meridian’s body was so damn hot and heavy it shocked his senses, making him shiver.
“This was how I kept you warm for two days,” Meridian said against his ear, the throatiness of his deep voice caressing him. “You’d been buried in the snow for hours.”
“But... what were you... how’d...” Ex stuttered.
Meridian inched down until they were face-to-face and the pain Ex saw there made his breath catch. “You wanna know what it felt like. You wanna know what I was feeling as I dragged your lifeless body into a cave?”
“Marshall.” Ex blinked realizing he was already hearing and seeing what he needed to.
Meridian frowned, his face hard but his touch so gentle. He stroked the side of Ex’s cheek, slowly dragging his fingertips across his bottom lip. “It felt like someone was tearing my goddamn heart out of my chest. The snow had stopped the bleeding, but you’d still lost a lot. You were blue... and barely breathing.”
Ex saw Meridian’s throat dip before he continued, his dark brows drawn together. “I don’t know how the hell I got you in that cave. I’d been hit in the thigh and my hip, but I knew if I stopped... you didn’t have a chance. I screamed and cursed but nothing helped the pain of seeing you like that. After I managed to get a fire started, I built up as much dirt and branches as I could and got under it with you.” Meridian nudged his face against his. “I opened our coats and put our chests together to try to warm you. But... I didn’t know if it was working. You were so goddamn cold, Ex.”