“I’m gonna clue you in on a huge secret. It’s only for us to know. You can’t share it with anyone and you can’t ever, ever rat me out to your brother,” Dana whispered, looking around conspiratorially. “Your brother thinks I’ve been learning recipes from Quick and Food Network, but really, I’ve been using prepackaged food boxes.”
Brian grimaced. He typed into his phone. “What the hell is a food box? It sounds like it’d have a cheese sandwich, a fruit cup and a bag of stale potato chips in it.”
Dana laughed loudly. “Brian King. I’m getting ready to make you a real king in Sway’s eyes.”
“Well I hope you can do it fast because I need to get going. He said he’ll be at my house by half past five.” Brian was already up, tucking his phone back in his pants pocket and throwing on his dark coat. Dana clapped him on his shoulder on his way past.
“Quick stop at Trader Joe’s and you’ll be set.”
Brian was skeptical, but Dana had never led him astray.
“Bam! Check it out!” Dana yelled, making a few customers turn their heads. “These right here are the dinner boxes. It’s the grocery store knock off of those HelloFresh delivery boxes. I checked. And, the lady that works in the deli said these are just as good.”
Brian stared at the neatly packaged foods. Meals for one or two. A protein, a starch and a vegetable. Brian picked up the one that had two medium-sized, seasoned salmon filets. A bag of perfectly cut up roasted red potatoes, mixed with onions and red peppers. The vacuum sealed bag of fresh string beans were marinated in some type of seasoning as well. Brian’s eyebrows rose when he flipped the bag over to see extremely easy cooking instructions. Literally less than four steps. He pretty much just had to dump them in pans and turn on the stove.
Dana was cheesing as if he’d just unlocked the secret to staying young. He popped Brian in the chest and spread his hands out in front of him like he was showcasing the spread at the Bellagio Buffet in Vegas. “Plenty to choose from, B. The chicken is really good and so are the Enchiladas. So damn easy to make. Ford went on for days about that Lasagna Penne stuff I made on Monday. I can hardly pronounce some of this shit, dude, but I’m telling you, it’s not hard at all. It’s a bachelor’s dream come true, and a dating man’s secret weapon. If Sway saw this when he got to your house …” Dana held up the box and pointed at the picture of the perfectly plated food that’d been cooked flawlessly and positioned on a decorated dining table only seen at The French Room. “He’ll be so impressed.”
Brian shrugged. He could follow four or five directions. Everything was already organized for him. He didn’t have to put any guessing into what sides went best with what meat—well the few canned vegetables that he knew how to prepare. Or especially what seasoning he needed to use to make it edible. They even had a suggested wine for each meal.
Well, I’ll be damned. Dana might be on to something. Brian chose the salmon. He loved fish and he remembered Sway going back and forth on his entree yesterday between the salmon and the pot stickers. Brian was even going to get the wine that was recommended.
“I’m going to get this pork tenderloin for tonight.” Dana rubbed his hand across his chin like he was a meal box connoisseur. “those carrots look a’ight’, huh?”
Brian listened to Dana go on and on about the meals he’d made recently and Ford’s reactions. He had a couple of other patrons at the display case laughing as he described the stunts he had to pull sometimes to keep Ford from finding the packages. Dana even had the audacity to put extra dishes and measuring cups in the sink to make it appear as if he’d really followed a strenuous recipe.
“Okay. I’m not going to do all that. But I think this might work, D. Thanks, bro.” Brian gave Dana a fist bump and headed towards his own car he’d parked right next to Dana’s.
Dana called out to him over the hood of his Chevy. “Good luck. Let me know if you need any cooking help. I’m practically a professional now.”
Brian jerked his head up, his chest vibrating with laughter. “Professional at what… deceit?”
Dana thought about it. “Sure. I’ll take that.” Then he gave a mock-serious scowl. “Remember the code, B. You mustn’t tell a soul. Or you could ruin our good thing.”
Brian gave Dana a look that said he should seek professional help. If you think for one second you’re fooling my brother than you’re the fool, my friend. Brian grinned to himself. He wouldn’t burst Dana’s bubble. Instead, he simply tucked his bags in his back seat and hurried home for his date. His first real one in years.