She turned to look at me, and from the look on her face, I knew she’d already left me. “I will never forgive you for this,” she said.
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you anyway.”
Her posture stiffened even further and she squared her shoulders as if trying to shield herself from my words. She must’ve known I was falling for her. I knew she was falling for me, so she must have known. It couldn’t have been just me. I knew that.
“Love me?” Her lips curved up, but it wasn’t the smile I loved so much. “You don’t love me, Jack. I don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone.”
I would never know if it was the last words I would hear from her that did me in or if it was watching her leave me. When she was out of sight, I walked to my desk, picked up a glass paperweight and threw it against the wall.
I stayed at the office until midnight working my ass off. I finished proposals and called clients, doing everything I didn’t need to do to pass time and not go home, but there was nowhere to hide. I’d known what I was doing from the very beginning. I’d knowingly decided against telling Rose what I had done.
I had paid Joshua three more times, and he had still gone to her.
Truth be told, the reason I was avoiding going home was because I knew she wouldn’t be there anymore, and I wasn’t willing to have that truth slap me in the face. Rose had acted exactly like I’d expected her to. I’d earned her parting remark. Even I hadn’t thought I was capable of loving anyone like I loved her before it had happened. Why would she believe me now?
At a quarter past twelve, I got in my car.
“Sir, are we heading home?”
“You can call me just Jack, Raymond. You call my wife by her name, and I don’t see a reason why you can’t call me by my name.”
His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and he nodded. “Home? Or somewhere else first?”
“To the apartment, please.”
I looked outside, my gaze on the empty streets. It was quieter than usual as traffic lights let us pass one by one. A few minutes into the drive, Raymond broke the silence between us.
“She wanted to walk.”
My thoughts scattered all at once. “Excuse me?”
“Rose. It had just started snowing so I offered to take her home, but she said she wanted to walk.”
I imagined she did.
The rest of the car ride was quiet up until he pulled up in front of our building—my building. He stopped the engine and we sat there for a long moment. I wasn’t sure why I thought sitting in the car and prolonging the pain I was feeling in my chest was a good idea when I knew what I’d find up there, but there was still a small part of me that was hoping.
“Okay,” I said out loud and ran a hand over my face. “Okay then. Good night, Raymond.”
“Would you like me to wait here?”
My brows drew together. “For what?”
“Just in case you’d like to go somewhere else. Maybe Around the Corner?”
Our eyes met and it dawned on me that he already knew. Of course he did. They’d spent mornings together for months. Of course she’d tell him what was going on after she was done with me.
“No. No, I don’t think that’s necessary. Have a good night.”
I exited the car, his response falling on deaf ears.
I walked into the building and watched as our trusty doorman stood up to greet me. I was tempted to walk past with just a nod to acknowledge his presence, but it didn’t feel right anymore.
“Hello, Steve. How are you?”
“Very good, sir. Thank you. How was your evening?”
I huffed. “Not the best night, I’m afraid.” He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to go on, but I decided to change the subject instead to avoid going upstairs. “Looks like a quiet night tonight.”
“Yes, sir. It’s freezing outside so everyone seems to be staying in.”
“Yes. It must be the snow?”
“I believe so.”
“Your daughter…it was Bella, right?”
He nodded.
“How is she doing at the new school? Everything all right?”
“Yes, sir. She is…happier. Thank you for asking.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I nodded back, rapped my knuckles on his desk, and headed toward the elevators.
Unlocking the door, I forced myself to walk in and drown in the silence. I checked the kitchen first because sometimes she baked or cooked. The hand cream she used was gone from the living room, the one that smelled of pears. I walked up the stairs and into her bedroom, which had become ours. The bathroom was empty, the closet…everything looked dull and wrong. In just a few short hours she had managed to completely erase herself from my life. If I hadn’t found the ring I had given her on the bedside table, the one on my side of the bed, I would have been inclined to believe I had dreamed her up. I picked up the ring and put it in my pocket.