“Why would I do that when all I want is you? I want us to stop pretending too.”
The nurse came back in with a stern face. “Time to go, Mrs. Hawthorne.”
Jack’s smile melted and he glowered at the nurse who had taken hold of my wheelchair. He grabbed the armrests and pulled me toward him as the nurse tried to wheel me back.
“Mr. Hawthorne!” she exclaimed in shock. “Let go of your wife, please.”
“We’re still talking here.”
Nervous laughter bubbled out of me as they continued to push and pull for a few seconds. I put my cold hand on his cheek, and he stilled. “It’s okay, Jack.” Leaning forward, I kissed his cheek and took a deep breath through my nose so I could keep his scent with me for as long as I could, and then the nurse wheeled me away.
Jack walked with us all the way to the elevators.
I looked up at him from my seat and he reached out to hold my hand. “Will you come back from work before I wake up, or…?”
“Don’t be stupid. I’m not going anywhere,” he growled, softening his words with a squeeze around my hand. He was still glowering at the nurse.
“Okay. I was just testing you. I’d really like to see you when I come out.” He must have heard the tremor in my voice, because his eyes met mine and he lowered himself to my level as we waited for the elevator to get there. He looked so ridiculous in a hospital with his perfect suit and perfect face and perfect stubble. My eyes started to well up and he became a blur in front of me. Then his hands were cupping my face and he was wiping away my tears. He rested his forehead against mine.
“Jack, I’m a little scared, I think,” I admitted, quietly so only his ears could hear.
He sighed. “I don’t know what the right words are here because I’m more than a little scared, but I know you’re going to be fine. You have to be. It’s going to be fine, Rose. I’ll be waiting for you when you come out, and then it’ll be just us.”
I bit my lip and let him clear more tears from my cheeks. “Okay.” My voice was nothing more than a croak. I looked down at my hands. “Oh, here.” I took off my ring and opened his palm, placing my wedding ring in the middle. “Hold on to it for me.” More tears started to come down and I couldn’t look into his eyes.
“Rose,” Jack started, his hands holding my face.
The elevator doors pinged open and there was a long sigh.
“Mr. Hawthorne, please let go of your wife.”
He did—reluctantly—right after he pressed a soft yet somehow still hard and desperate kiss on my lips.
I looked at Jack over my shoulder once I was in the elevator and found him back up on his feet. He was so handsome. I tried to smile, but more tears blurred my vision of him.
“I’ll be right there when you wake up, Rose. I’ll be waiting for you right here, so you come back to me, okay? Make sure you come back to me.”
I knew I was being a baby, but I didn’t care. Pressing my lips tightly together, I nodded and the doors closed, taking him away from me.
Everything after that was a big blur. I was taken down to the OR area. They scanned the band on my wrist and took me into another waiting room where I was told to get in a hospital bed. More questions came that I answered absentmindedly. The anesthesiologists came in and again asked more questions. I couldn’t even tell you how many times I repeated my name, my birth date, my weight, my allergies, and which side of my nose I was leaking from, and I wasn’t sure how long I was in that room before they took me into the operating room. When I got there, it was already filled with all kinds of people: the anesthesiologists, the surgical assistant, the nurse anesthetist, my doctor, and a few more people who I had no idea what they were doing in there.
Smiling at me the entire time, the nurse anesthetist put my IV in and reassured me that everything would be okay. I realized I’d started crying again at one point, so I angrily wiped at my cheeks and tried to play it off by laughing at myself. She just smiled at me.
When they secured my hands and legs, I started to get dizzy and my vision started to darken. I hadn’t realized that was going to happen. No one had told me that. I started to panic in earnest, my breaths coming in faster. I heard the nurse say she was pushing in the anesthesia, and a few seconds after that I started to feel sick to my stomach, fleetingly thinking it was a really, really bad time to puke. I thought I opened my mouth to let them know I really wasn’t feeling all that well, but then suddenly everything went black.