“I’m getting hungry,” he said.
“Then, it’s time to go eat that pizza Henley sent us,” I told him.
“This is the best day ever! Cupcakes and pizza,” he said.
I winced, and my eyes met Rio’s. This day would not be the best day ever. He wouldn’t remember the cupcakes, swinging, or pizza ten years from now. He’d just remember the day his mother died.
The ride back, I was struggling with how to tell him and stayed quiet while he and Rio discussed the different superheroes and their powers. Cullen would want to be Spider-Man if he could, and Rio said he preferred Superman.
When we were back inside and Cullen was happily eating his pizza, Rio took my hand and walked me back to the bedroom. When we were out of Cullen’s view, he cupped my face and kissed me softly. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed that.
I buried my hands in his hair, going up on my tiptoes, and our kiss grew more passionate. His hands slid down to my bottom and cupped it, jerking me against him. He moved his mouth down my neck and had just bitten my ear when Cullen called out my name.
I stepped back and took a deep breath.
Rio looked down at his erection and grinned. “You go on without me. I’ll be there shortly.”
A smile pulled at my lips, and I left him there in my room while I went to check on Cullen.
“Can I have more pizza?” he asked me.
I got him another piece and filled his milk back up.
“Where did you go?” he asked me.
“To show Rio something in my room that needs fixing,” I lied.
“Is he fixing it?” Cullen asked.
“He was working on it when I left,” I replied.
Cullen nodded, then seemed appeased. I stayed in there while he ate his pizza. I was going to have to tell him when he was done. He needed time to grieve and get comfort before it was time for bed. I would offer to sleep in there with him if he needed it.
“Are you gonna eat pizza?” he asked me.
“Maybe later. I’m not hungry,” I told him.
“Is that why you haven’t eaten your cupcake yet?” he asked.
I nodded. “They are almost too pretty to eat.”
He frowned at me, as if I had said something ridiculous. “It can’t be too pretty to eat. It’s supposed to be eaten. It’s food,” he said as if this made all the sense in the world.
“Okay, I’ll eat one soon.”
“I’ll feed it to her if I have to,” Rio said as he entered the kitchen.
“Did you fix what was broken in Aunt Bryn’s room?” he asked Rio.
“Yep. Think it’s handled,” he replied, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing.
“Then, let’s watch Superman since he’s your favorite. I’m full,” Cullen said, climbing off the stool. Neither of us moved, and he looked back at Rio. “Do you have to go?” he asked.
Rio shook his head. “No, I won’t be going anywhere tonight. Staying right here with the two of you.”
Cullen looked at me, and I knew it was time. I was sure the expression on my face was causing him concern.
“First, before the movie, I need to tell you something,” I started, then walked over to him and took his hand. “Let’s go sit on the sofa.”
Cullen held tightly to my hand, as if sensing this was going to be bad. I sat down, and he took the spot right beside me. Rio followed us, but he stayed at the end of the sofa.
“What?” Cullen asked me.
The fear in his eyes and expectation were so much deeper than any four-year-old should know. He’d seen too much. He knew too much, and it showed. Most kids wouldn’t expect horrible news, but he did.
“This morning, your mama, she didn’t wake up. She died in her sleep. There was no pain. Her soul is in a happy place now, and she will always be watching over you.” I paused and studied his little face, trying to read his expression.
“She won’t be coming back? Ever?” he asked me.
I shook my head. “No, sweetie. Not where you can see her. But she will be your guardian angel. Always there, watching you.” I ran my hand over his little head, wishing this weren’t happening. That I didn’t have to tell him that his mother was gone.
He didn’t cry, and he said nothing, but he studied our clasped hands a few moments. I let him think it through. Comprehend it. He was only four, and although he acted older for his age because of the life we had lived, he was still only four.
“You think she will watch over me? She didn’t do that much when she was here. I don’t know if she’ll do that now.”
I let go of his hand and pulled him into my lap and held on to him tightly. “Oh, but she did. She loved you. Your mama just loved differently than most people. She had bad things happen when she was a kid, and she never truly got over it. But you, she loved so much.”