“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
PROLOGUE
LAVENDER
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
“I love you, Ryder,” the blanket beneath me is sticking to my sweat-slicked skin, the heat of the Texas sun beating down on the two of us. We’ve known each since, well, forever. Ryder’s got sun-kissed skin and a muscular body. The necklace I gave him for his fifteenth birthday is hanging around his neck, and the smile and love he showers me with are everything, literally everything a girl could ever ask for.
“Love you, too, Ender.” He’s seated deep inside me as we give each other a gift that I’ll cherish for all the days of my life besides the ring he placed on my right hand, a promise of sorts that we are forever. You see, this rough and tough man, who scared away the bullies before my father could get to them and kill them with his bare hands, putting him behind bars if he did so, has always taken care of me in one way or another.
Ryder slides out of me, then slides right back in, a lazy push and pull of his hips before he rolls to his side, somehow managing to keep us connected. The only barrier between us is a condom, even though I’m on birth control, which is no easy feat when it comes to my father. Somehow, Mom managed to shut him up when he was about to make a rude comment. Thankfully, he dropped it.
“What has your wheels spinnin’?” See what I mean? Walks, acts, and even talks like the brothers. Sure, it’s in his blood, but honestly, it’s really in his blood.
“That I wanted to feel you, completely.”
“Soon. We still got graduation to get through, our parents, and a wedding. Not gonna make it happen sooner than in that order.” I shrug my shoulders. My high school grades now are near perfect, and depending on how my SATs come back, it could mean a full-ride scholarship to the University of Texas. It’s not far, but it’s not close either, though I’d honestly be happy to stay in Ely, go to the local community college, and be home here at the compound every night.
“I know.” He kisses my nose then slowly pulls out. His arm muscles ebb and flow as I watch him take the condom off his length and quickly dispose of it before he comes back to me. I’m still right where he left me. My naked skin pebbles with the blow of a gentle breeze. I love that we’re still on club property but away from prying eyes. And this is our special spot, the place where Ryder and I always gravitate to with its overgrown grass and a view of the lake.
“One day soon, Lavender, I’m going to tie you to me in every way possible.” I lift my head up, needing to kiss him, needing the softness beneath my lips as I press into him. I hitch my leg over his lap, my center opening to Ryder’s length that’s hard once again and sliding against my core. It’s all such an amazing dream come to play. Little do I know that in the months to come, my heart will be broken, shattered on the ground, and Ryder will be the cause.
CHAPTER 1
HAWK
FOUR YEARS LATER
“We done here?” I ask Shovel. He held me back wanting to talk to me about the run I just returned home from. It was easy, nothing a prospect couldn’t do. It seems he’s holding a grudge where I’m concerned, which is fuckin’ laughable in and of itself.
You see, shortly after I broke his daughter’s heart, Lavender left for college, four fuckin’ years ago. The reason I did that? It damn sure wasn’t for me; it was the fuckin’ tool I call my Prez today. Is there a chip on my shoulder? Damn straight. Does it put a strain on what little relationship we have? One hundred percent. Even if he’s my supposed uncle, that went out the window. It would have anyway. The day I became a prospect, there’d be no favorites, but he severed the ties long before that. The fact of the matter is, I’m over him and his bullshit. And it’s getting harder and harder to keep my shit together. I’m pretty level-headed, some say too much so, more like my father in that respect than my mother, but I can feel the rage starting to consume my soul.
“One last thing, Hawk.” Shovel gives me some leeway with the anger I have placed on him now that I’m a member, but when I was a prospect, there wasn’t an ounce of respect for me, and the feeling was mutual.