Tears sting my eyes as I swallow hard, gripping the counter. The rose falls from my fingertips as I exhale slowly, the breath leaving my body in a shuddering gust. Get a grip, Lindy, my internal voice scolds. You know better than to have expectations. Hell, you’re at the Club Z compound! What did you think this was?
After all, I’m a woman of the night, and that’s the long and the short of it. It’s not my place to expect more, nor is it Julian’s place to give more. Besides, I don’t fall for the men I sleep with because that’s not who I am. Why would I want to change that for Julian?
You signed up for this! I scream at myself. It’s not like they tricked you into joining Club Z under false pretenses. Plus, Hadley was honest from the very beginning. My cousin was clear that this was intimacy in exchange for money, even if it’s dressed up with lots of bells and whistles. We’re paid an exorbitant sum for our services, but there’s no hiding what we do.
With a pit in my stomach, I turn away. What happened between Julian and me over the last couple nights was purely transactional, and I have to accept it as such. Red rose or not, I performed a service for him, and he paid me in return. I am not Julian’s girlfriend, nor will I ever be, and no matter how awful it feels, that’s the reality and I have to make peace with that fact. Tears stinging my eyes, I take the money and head back into the bedroom to grab my stuff. It’s time to make an exit, and the sooner the better, given my aching heart.
7
Lindy
* * *
Julian is coming over to my apartment today and I scrub with determination at my coffee table, determined to get the glass top clean. I know I should have ended things the morning after I discovered the red rose but somehow, I couldn’t. My heart was already entangled with this man, and I found myself going out with him again and again.
Now, it’s been a few months and it’s been amazing with the highest of highs. But also with incredible lows if I’m being honest. On the one hand, I desperately want for us to become something more, but on the other, I know that the chances of that happening are zero to nil. Each time we’ve been together, Julian’s sweet, handsome, giving and generous. He always leaves an impressive tip after our passionate interludes, and it confuses me while making me feel horrible at the same time. Tears sting my eyes, but I always pocket the money and remind myself that this is just a job.
Yet is it? I can’t ignore the way my heart jumps because honestly, it hasn’t gotten the memo that I’m not allowed to fall for the billionaire. I want him so bad it hurts. I cry sometimes when I’m alone in my apartment, and even Claire at Sixth Street has been unable to lift my spirits with her funny jokes and gentle ribbing. I try so hard to remind myself that this is business and nothing else, but my head and heart won’t listen. I adore Julian Statham, and my body certainly won’t turn him away.
But now, hope blooms in my chest as I rearrange some of the knickknacks I have scattered about. For the first time ever, Julian’s coming to visit me on my territory. Asking him was impulsive and I regretted the question immediately after the words left my lips, but when he said yes, my heart flipped over. Maybe it’s going to be different now. After all, we’ve always hung out at Club Z in the past. This is the first time he’s coming to my place to do nothing but chill and Netflix. It’s like a real date, and not something you get paid for.
Quickly, I grab two plates from my cabinet. The china is chipped and mismatched, but I don’t care because it’s all that I have and besides, this is the real Lindy. I’m not always a sexpot ready to fulfill his fantasies, and today, he’s going to see me in my natural environment.
Then the timer on my phone goes off and I pull the roast chicken from the oven. It’s nothing special, just an old recipe my mom taught me, but I’m hoping Julian enjoys it. I’ve been boiling potatoes to mash them, so while the chicken rests, I get to work with that and the honey butter carrots I’m preparing as a side. Rolls in the oven are going to top off my efforts, and to be honest, this all feels very domestic, like I’m fixing up a meal for my man. I only hope Julian loves it.