Suzie rested her head on Jared’s shoulder as he bantered with his dad. A little while later Helen returned from the studio. She looked perplexed and walked into the cabin without a word. Jared’s dad followed her in leaving Jared and Suzie alone on the deck. He put his arm around her and she rested on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat and she closed her eyes breathing in his smell. He still smelled like cologne even here and she laughed. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and she looked around the yard. She had a brief feeling of uneasiness or a sort of déjà vu and got up.
“Let’s go for a walk,” she said, pulling Jared to his feet. He wound his arms around her, kissing her neck.
“Why don’t I take you back to bed instead?” he whispered into her ear.
Twisting away from him she ran towards the paint studio. “You have to catch me first,” she teased. As she reached the studio she stopped to make sure he was following. Her mind begged to see Jeff’s painting but she could not now so she ran.
Chasing her and protesting, Jared followed her into the forest. She twisted and turned down paths to evade his grasp until she was breathless with anticipation and exhaustion. She slowed to a walk and listened for Jared. She thought he missed the last turn so she made no sound. Creeping forward she came to a bench nestled into the side of a hill. It had a beautiful view and she sat still. Jared came and sat down beside her.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he said after a long moment of silence.
“We always talk,” Suzie said.
“You’ve changed,” Jared said abruptly, like he had to push it out.
“What do you mean?” Suzie asked, worried. Wondering if she should tell him the whole story now. Still, unable to handle the crushed look she knew she would see on his face.
“You’re distracted or something and I want to know if there is something you are not telling me,” he spoke in a quiet voice.
Suzie remained silent for a moment, looki
ng at the ground. In her mind, her silence proved her guilt. He waited. Finally she began with uncertainty, “If I was keeping something from you it would only be because I love you.” It was the first time she had said it from her heart and in the moment she meant it. She did love him and could not stand hurting him. He could hear in her voice she meant it and he moved in beside her supporting her slumped body.
“If you love me, you will talk to me about it so we do not have this distance between us. Okay?” Jared said gently and he kissed her cheek.
Tears welled in Suzie’s eyes as she knew he was right. She blinked them away and kissed his lips. “Ok, Jared. I know. Can we talk about it on the way home though? I just want to enjoy our time here.” And she meant it. He might hate her for it later but she needed some time to think. She had promised herself she would lie about it so what would she tell Jared? How could she turn this situation into a happy ending?
Jared hugged her again. “Okay, he said. Besides, we’re missing lunch and then you are going painting with Mom.”
“Yeah,” Suzie said. Then continued with trepidation, “Unless you want to do something together, you could paint too.”
“Nah, that’s not my thing. Dad and I are going to go out on the lake, maybe the last time before it freezes. Give you some time to get creative. We will have our time tonight,” Jared said as they walked hand in hand back to the cabin. But there was an uncertainty between them.
Lunch was, fortunately for Suzie, brief and they all went their separate ways. Suzie sat quietly on the deck swing for a while before making her way to the painting studio. Helen had gone ahead of her and Suzie dragged herself over there, though the mood to paint had left. She was tired and wanted a nap. Her mind was jumping from one thing to the next and she hardly felt like she knew who she was. Suzie shook her head and opened the door.
The first thing she saw when she stepped inside was Jeff’s painting. He had added to it. When had he come here to paint, she wondered. The immense canvas was beginning to be covered in color, and although abstract it had a raw emotion to it and Suzie felt tears well in her eyes. She turned to see Helen looking at her with concern.
“Are you okay?” she asked and she put down her brush.
The sincerity of her words helped Suzie’s tears fall and she cried. Fighting her tears and scolding herself for making a fuss in front of Jared’s mom, Suzie faked a smile. Helen brought over a cup of coffee and patted Suzie’s arm, waiting for her to say something.
“Yeah. Sorry. I am fine.” Suzie wiped her eyes and took a backwards glance at Jeff’s painting. Its effects were staggering.
“It is an amazing piece,” Helen said, looking in the same direction. “I keep telling Jeff he needs to show off his work, he has real talent. But he doesn’t listen to anybody. Thinks it makes him less manly or something. It is infuriating to see him hide his talent.”
“Why don’t you share them for him?” Suzie asked.
“Oh, I couldn’t do it without telling him. Honesty is the base of a strong relationship so I don’t lie to my boys.” She smiled fondly.
Despair clouded Suzie again and she blinked it away, sipping her coffee in silence. Helen went back to her painting and gestured towards Suzie. “Come on over and paint,” she said. “It will help you forget about whatever is bothering you.”
Suzie agreed and picked up the paintbrush. She took a breath and tried to focus on the canvas in front of her. She needed to add some color but her heart was not in it. She was indecisive and just pushed the color around. Helen looked at her with concern and said nothing. After some time, she cleaned up and excused herself saying she was not feeling well and needed to lie down. Suzie relaxed a little after Helen left and was beginning to enjoy painting for a while. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on nothing but the paint. Then she heard a noise from what must be the loft of the studio. She stood in place listening.
A minute later, Jeff emerged shirtless as always, dark eyes dead set on her. Suzie gasped in surprise. Had he been up there the whole time? What was he doing here? Time seemed to slow as Jeff stepped closer and closer to her. Finally reaching her, he stopped. The anticipation was building and they could feel their mutual desire creating tension between them. Jeff reached out and wiped her eyes.
She needed him and pressed into his caress, begging him to come and claim her as his own. His arms wrapped around her and he picked her up off the floor. Their lips met, finding release to their panicked desire. Then he set her down and held her at arm’s length.
“We can’t keep doing this,” he groaned.