‘From the imaginary gnome who lives in the cupboard?’
‘He was no use. No, what I mean is I was looking for inspiration… a context of some kind. You know, so I could make a connection with you.’
‘It seems to have worked. So, what was it?’
‘I was being a bit of a chancer, I admit,’ he said, now making it all up, ‘but I thought that if you had a poster of a band, or a book we’d both read it would make for a good conversation starter. I guess I was trying too hard; you’re not furious I hope?’
‘I should be – but no,’ she replied. ‘Truth is the idea excites me; I’d like to take you into my bedroom, Kurt. Getting around my parents’ scruples in that way might never be possible though.’
‘Yeah, I sort of got that impression,’ he said, with a wry smile.
‘So did you get your inspiration?’
‘That’s where the awkward question comes in.’
‘Why’s that? Kurt tell the truth now, were you going through my underwear draw?’ she asked, amusing him in that she was talking to him like he was a naughty child.
‘Not guilty, Judge!’ he replied. ‘The thing is – and this is not my fault – but your handbag looked like it had fallen open.’
‘Oh, is that all you’re talking about, sanitary towels?’
‘Erm, no!’
‘What then?’
‘Darlene, there was definitely something hanging out that looked to me very much like a nipple tassel.’
She could have gotten away with the fiendish truth then, had she simply shrugged and said something like ‘That’s just a joke birthday present from a friend’. But Darlene did not do that. Instead she put her hand up to her mouth in a desperate attempt to cover something up (even though the rest of her body had nothing on).
What followed would lead to Darlene blushing again. Not because she was naked or had just made love properly for the first time. Supposedly that’s when it becomes difficult to blush even more, but she knew that Kurt was on to her and was simply not as good as him at fibbing.
The first certainty that Kurt got out of her was that the tassel was there for a purpose. It was not a joke present or something accidentally acquired, though getting her to elaborate and assuage his curiosity proved challenging. She clammed up, not from trying to deceive him but through being embarrassed by the truth.
In the end, it was only through revealing a few fetishes of his own that he was able to coax it out of her.
‘I’m a leg man, with a thing for Sharon Stone,’ he admitted. ‘Plus, I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a desire to make love in a hot air balloon.’
After laughing at the idea of that one, Darlene gave in and told him. So, was she secretly a fast lady who had deceived him about her virtue and attended lots of orgies? Not at all; it was actually all just a matter of taste – though he did find it delightfully fiendish and especially for someone of her background.
‘I’ve always had some kind of fascination for… well, erotic things, of a certain taste,’ she explained, reluctantly, then asking him ‘You know that word “burlesque”?’
‘Burlesque? Yeah, sure!’
‘Well, that kind of thing.’
‘No kidding!’
‘I’ve never actually done any of it but, occasionally, I like to go online and look at some of the quirky gear they wear. I don’t look at porn; I’m not into that.’
‘Me neither,’ Kurt lied.
‘And nothing masochistic or sick, you know. I’ve just always liked what that kind of clothing looks like and had fun imagining myself wearing some.’
‘Darlene, you’re getting more interesting by the minute.’
‘I guess it’s silly.’
‘Not at all,’ he said, dismissively. ‘All the sex secrets that people keep and you’re worried about good old-fashioned burlesque. What have you got to worry about?’