“I like this picture.” I point to one with her in a night club with neon paint all over her face. She has her head tossed back and is laughing really loudly. “Looks like you had fun there. Where was that?”
She looks at the picture and instead of smiling her whole expression darkens. “Oh, that.” She sighs deeply as if something is physically hurting her. I snatch my hand away like I’ve been burned. “That’s the night I met Pete.”
I wince, suddenly feeling the night go downhill. Any mention of an ex is bad. “Oh… sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” She gives me a half shrug. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m just annoyed I ever met him.”
Immediately I feel an affinity with her. “Oh yeah, I feel the same way about my ex too.” I want her to understand that I’m on the same page as her. “She cheated on me so I wish I didn’t meet her either.”
Tamara gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh, that’s horrible. At least that didn’t happen to me. He’s just an asshole. I wish I hadn’t ever laid eyes on him. Maybe I’d be a bit more sure of things if not.”
She looks all small and vulnerable. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her to hold her but I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I’m not sure if she’s the sort of person who wants a hug when she’s talking about her ex. That’s the sort of knowledge that comes later on when we’ve been dating for a while. Right now, I just need to do what I can to figure her out. I guess one thing that’s pretty universal is alcohol to ignore problems.
“Do you want a drink?” I head towards her kitchen. “I can pour you something?”
“Sure. Whatever you can find in there, thank you. There should be some wine in the cupboard…”
She looks a little glad that I’m gone while she gathers herself up, which relieves me. It means I’ve hit the nail on the head. I breathe out a sigh of relief and hope we can get things back on tra
ck soon enough. The chemistry between us is strong, it’s been flowing all night long, and now I don’t want it to end. I was enjoying it so much.
I get us both a glass of wine and take it into the living room to join her. For a few seconds, I debate where to sit but, in the end, I choose the chair next to her. If I want to get us both back in the mood then I need to make that happen. I can’t do that from the other side of her - admittedly very small - room.
“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be talking about Pete. I don’t know what’s going on with me at the moment.” She shakes her head rapidly. “I’ve been a little wired ever since I hit my head. I blame the hospital.”
I nod wishing I could think of the right things to say. “It must have been bad.”
“I know, but it’s okay now.” She tilts her head up and smiles at me. I can see something dancing behind her eyes underneath her eyelashes which screams out to me. “Just ignore me if I go a bit loopy okay?”
I can do that. I’ve been doing that all night long. “Of course I will. Don’t you worry about that.” I dart my eyes around her room, finally drinking all of it in. “I like your movie posters. And your big book case.”
I stand up to take a closer look at it, almost as an automatic reaction, and it isn’t until I reach it that I realize she’s behind me. She stands close to me and darts her eyes in my direction as I run my eyes over her collection. It’s almost as if she’s testing me, to see how I react to her books which makes me smile. It’s probably the sort of thing I would do if the roles were reversed. I’d be unable to resist testing her.
“Well, these aren’t the books I would have…” I say while picking up Macbeth. “But I’m impressed.”
“Pfft, as if I need your approval.” She rolls her eyes and flips her hair over her shoulder.
“No, of course you don’t. You’re just perfect as you are, never wrong. I almost forgot.”
I like this teasing back and forth, it’s fun. Easier than direct flirting as well which is good since I’m very rusty on that front. With Tamara, it doesn’t seem to matter. She likes me for who I am, or so it seems.
“I am perfect, actually. As I’m sure you can tell. If you haven’t worked it out by now.”
I breathe in deep, inhaling her wonderful scent. She has a sweet, rosy, citrusy smell which is unique just to Tamara. I slide my eyes closed and breathe it all in hoping I can remember that forever. I never got this close to her on the train, not even the second time around, and I love it. It feels awesome. I’m also acutely aware of the warmth of her body, it sizzles between us like an egg cooking in a pan. It prickles and tingles all over my skin.
“So, if you’re such a big reader, which one of these books have you read?”
I point to a few of them, some of them truth some of them not so much, teasing her about the other books. She has some very serious thought provoking books and some much trashier romance novels. She holds her head high and defends every book as if it’s classic literature. I love that about her, it’s magnetic.
“Alright, alright. I’ll give you that one.” I grab one that looks almost like erotica. “That one is just for fun reading. A girl has to have some form of escapism, doesn’t she? You can’t judge me for that.”
She takes it from me, brushing her skin against mine as she does. Electricity crackles and buzzes all through my body, the emotions I’m already experiencing intensify and it sends me wild. Tamara must feel it too because her eyes spin to connect with mine. Immediately I can see a deep, dark desire there. I can tell that she wants me. I almost lean in to kiss her, to take this to another level, but before I do she bursts into laughter.
“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry…” She steps back breaking the magic of the moment. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I know this sounds cliché and will probably make you not believe me but I have to say it.” She sucks in a deep breath. “This isn’t something I do all the time. I’m not normally like this.”
“Oh right. I know. I didn’t think anything of you at all…”
I’m telling the truth as I say this. I never thought anything about her reputation as I came back here. I’m living in the moment, enjoying the here and now. I assumed she was doing the same. I wouldn’t ever judge another person anyway, I’m not like that. I’m all for doing whatever it takes to make a person happy. Particularly when it feels this good. Damn, it feels incredible. I just want it to continue, I don’t want to halt it.