“Oh, come on. We don’t have to stick to gender centric colors we can do whatever we want.”
I roll my eyes at her. “You know full well that I didn’t mean that. What do you think we’re having?”
She darts her eyes downwards and smiles. “I don’t know. I don’t mind either. But possibly a boy.”
A list of names spins through my mind, immediately I can feel myself get carried away. Last night, this news was shocking, but today I’m nothing but happy about it. The celebration last night got me really excited. It was nice to have her best friend with us, the girl who has been there from the start, all the way through college. Rachel has been good for Veronica, and I’m glad to have her still around. I know that she cares so much about Veronica too, and she struggled so much with the knowledge that Veronica was in trouble, almost as much as me.
“Yeah, I think we might be having a little boy too. My own little football player.”
“Oh no, you are not pushing your football dreams on our baby.” Veronica giggles. “No way.”
I push myself out of the bed and lean down to give Veronica another kiss. “Well, for now, I’m going to make you some breakfast. I’ll make Rachel some too, although she might still be asleep.”
“Ooh, okay, well I’ll get in the shower and I’ll be downstairs soon. Rachel is headed to the train soon to go home so I’ll take her there, then I might make a doctor’s appointment. I haven’t been checked over yet.”
Of course, those words make me immediately panic, I just can’t help it. Any mention of the doctor reminds me of the time way back when, all those months spent in the hospital. I honestly think all of that still affects me much more than it does her. She’s put it behind her, whereas it still affects me. I still feel that intense worry.
I suppose, if I’m going to be a father, then I’ll need to get used to that worry every single day. A child will be frightening, there will be danger in everything, every single day. I’m going to have to try and hold myself back so I don’t cause panic all around. I can’t let the past affect the future any longer.
“Yes,” I reply calmly. “A doctor’s appointment is a good idea. Let’s do that. I suppose there will be a lot of those. After that, we should go and check out a baby store. See what we want to buy.”
“Ooh, you are keen.” Veronica wiggles her eyebrows at me. “I like that. It means you want this.”
“It’s a surprise, and I do want this. I want this so badly.” I can’t keep the glee from my voice. “I think it’s going to be amazing. We’re going to be parents. Who would have thought it?”
As I smile to myself, I feel like I always knew it. I always thought we would end up this way. Happy and in love.
***
I clutch onto Veronica’s hand while we stare excitedly at the black and white grainy image coming to life on the screen. That’s my baby there, my little miracle there, I can’t believe how wonderful he or she looks.
“Your baby looks very healthy,” the sonographer reassures us both. “Look, you can see the little heart beat here.” The thumping brings tears to my eyes, it’s so emotional. “And the little arms and legs. Do you want to know what you’re having? If not, you might want to look away now.”
I stare at Veronica, wondering what she’s thinking. We’ve discussed it and decided not to find out, to keep our baby’s gender as a surprise, but now that we’re here I kinda want to know. The idea that the doctor will know before me is irritating. I can feel my impatience growing… but it isn’t just up to me.
“What do you think?” I ask her with a half shrug, I don’t want my desperation to influence Veronica’s decision. If she wants to keep it a secret then so be it. She’s the one growing our child after all. “You want to know?”
She blushes brightly, the adorable redness staining her cheeks. “I think I might want to know, do you mind?”
Oh, thank goodness. I nod enthusiastically. “Yes, of course, I would love to know too. I wonder if you’re right and we’re having a baby boy.” I honestly have no idea and I don’t mind either way. I would like either. I want both in the long run. I would like a whole football team if possible. “Let’s find out.”
The sonographer smiles again at the pair of us. “Well, I’m afraid
to say you’re wrong. It’s a girl.”
A girl. A little daughter. I’m so happy. I have this picture of a gorgeous little mini me of Veronica running around the house. A little fiery red head to light up my life even more. My heart swells with joy while I think about it, it’s going to be perfect, just what I want. Those bastards didn’t take anything away from me, from either of us. They wanted to, they tried to, but they got nothing. None of us at all.
Veronica squeals with glee. “A girl? Are you serious? Oh, my goodness, this is amazing.”
“Yep, look you can see. A little girl. You’re going to have a daughter.”
“Well, we’re going to have to rethink all of our names. We’ve mostly been thinking about boy names, haven’t we?” I squeeze Veronica’s hand tight. “Do you have any ideas?”
“Oh, so many,” Veronica laughs. “I have so many girl names, you have no idea.”
I lean my head against hers and we stare at the screen watching our little baby, almost forgetting that the sonographer is in the room with us. This will be our future now. Our stunning little family. It’s perfect.
33