I wish I didn’t, I thought to myself, while staring deep into his bright, emerald eyes, but I love you more than anyone I have ever known.
Chapter 22: Johnathan
When the rescue people arrived a few hours later, both Carrie and I were almost, mutually disappointed.
Having had food, water, and sex, we were content to stay there for as long as was necessary. As long as we didn’t run out of snacks and didn’t have to separate, I was fairly content with staying there forever.
It was finally an adventure that both of us obviously needed.
We were together, we were well, if not healthily fed, and we were safe. If we really needed it, we had communications to the outside world and the rangers knew exactly where we were.
So, we were slightly disenchanted when the rangers came pulling up in their all-terrain vehicles, only a few hours after we had settled in.
For the first time, after making love to Carrie, I didn’t feel any guilt. I felt relieved and abundantly content, but the thoughts that had plagued me every time before were now silent.
I supposed the real test would be what I thought and felt once I was alone, but for the time being, I was ready to consider this a win.
However, when the park rangers, along with the paramedics showed up, all I could think about was h
ow I now needed to make my decision…and how I had completely messed up by admitting to Carrie that I loved her.
I wasn’t lying, which was a surprise to me, to find out that I was even capable of loving someone again, but that was what made it so much worse. If I had simply said it in the throes of passion, without meaning it, other than trying to accurately explain what a good fuck that was, things would be different.
However, the fact that I meant those words to the very core of my being was what made this so difficult.
Her answer had made the decision even more of a challenge.
I knew what she was doing. She was trying to save me from herself. While she didn’t want to deny that she loved me, she knew how hard it would be, if I chose not to go with her, especially if she said it aloud.
However, she had, which made the looming separation even harder to accept. I didn’t want to leave her, but I also didn’t want to disappoint her, and I feared that either way, that would be the ultimate result.
I figured I would either disappoint her now, when I returned to my old life, or I would give her false hope by returning to civilization with her and then not being able to succeed.
Knowing that there would be challenges for me that I couldn’t even fathom, even if I felt that I could go without issue now, there was surely going to be something that would throw me for a loop once I started my assimilation.
Since I wasn’t even sure I could succeed with the hurdles I was aware of, I was even more dismayed by the thought of what I else I might come across.
Being a disappointment to her in the middle of nowhere, where she could easily forget me and move on seemed merciful. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to her out in the real world, where she was left with anything to explain.
Yet, I wanted to go with her. I wanted to be the person she seemed to think I could be. I wanted to emulate her strength and take whatever life threw at me like a champ, but she was the only person who ever seemed to believe I could be that way.
I thought about this throughout the time that the paramedics checked me over, while others attended to Carrie. I received some strange looks, but I understood.
After all, I did look like a wild mountain man. I wasn’t insecure enough take the oddity of my appearance to heart. I probably would look at myself strangely too if I were them.
Once we were both cleared, the rangers took us into separate parts of the station and took down our statements.
I wasn’t sure where to start, or exactly what they wanted to know, so I started from the beginning, telling them how I met Cassie, where I was living and what we were doing here at the ranger station.
Again, my responses were met with strange looks, but I took Carrie’s advice and told them the truth, whether they believed me or not.
Eventually, after conferring with one another, keeping us both in separate rooms, they allowed us to see one another again and the head ranger sat down across from us at his desk.
“I’m glad you two are alright. It’s such a shame, what happens to people up here in these mountains sometimes…” The ranger shook his head and pursed his lips, as though he was truly mourning someone in particular.
Carrie and I both agreed with the man.
“Is there traffic going back down the mountain?” I asked, “Someone told me over the radio that there was a mudslide and I just want Cassie to get to a hospital as soon as possible.”