Unfortunately, when I looked up in the sky, I was horrified to find that it was getting dark. I decided that my newfound fear had a lot to do with everything that had happened to me recently, but regardless of the reason, I was terrified of being alone.
I thought that perhaps, I had successfully cut off my nose to spite my face. As aggravating as being with Johnathan was, it was nowhere as terrible as being lost in the wilderness with no food, water, or foreseeable plan shelter.
At this moment, I realized that I thought I would be at the ranger’s station by dark. Being that I was so angry with Johnathan, I had convinced myself that his estimation of it being a day’s journey from the cabin was completely wrong.
Great! I thought, my wishful thinking is going to be what gets me killed.
I rolled my eyes, shaking the negative thought out of my head and tried to focus on a more positive use of my time.
Okay, it’s getting dark, so I need shelter… I thought, looking around, hoping to spot an unoccupied cave or otherwise useful natural structure etched into the mountain, since I didn’t have a tent and I was incapable of creating my own shelter in my condition.
Without my ankle, or the impending darkness, I probably would’ve had a shot, but with both components against me, I wasn’t that stubborn.
Sure, but you had to be that stubborn when you left the cabin! I chastised myself, growing even angrier and more upset when I didn’t see any shelter-like structure.
Damn… I thought, feeling a nervous knot forming in my stomach. I didn’t like the idea of being out here all by myself. I realized then that anything could happen to me and no one would even know.
Another thought also plagued me; my last known whereabouts were with Johnathan.
What if he is blamed for doing something to me? I knew it wouldn’t be hard for the tour guide to lie about what happened up on the mountain. Johnathan could get blamed for everything.
Johnathan’s haunting words played back in my head: “You’re up here, all alone, with only me and the dog, so it’s all well and good, but the moment you get back to your perfect suburbia, it isn’t the fucking guide that tried to rape you, it’s the goddamn mountain man that used you and betrayed you.”
As angry as I was at him, I certainly couldn’t let something like that happen to him. So, I decided that, for both my sake and Johnathan’s, I needed to keep going if I was ever going to make it to the ranger’s station.
So, I picked myself up and continued in the direction down the mountain, still holding out a sliver of hope that the station was closer than even I thought it was now.
Suddenly, though, I stopped, and my heart leapt with excitement. In the distance, a little way behind me, I could’ve sworn I heard Jake barking. I stopped to listen, but I didn’t hear it again.
I felt my heart drop as I dismissed the thought of being rescued, pressing forward, while I allowed my pride to get the better of me.
Chapter 14: Johnathan
Watching her hobble away from me, trying not to look as though she was in pain was one of the hardest things I had ever done.
The fact that I had also done it to myself didn’t help my guilt, but I was far too prideful to stop her.
Now, it was me, with my back stiffened and my posture tight, wishing I could go with her, but forcing myself to fight the urge.
I stared after her until she had nearly disappeared through the thicket.
I ground my teeth in anger and shook my head, calling Jake back immediately after he attempted to follow her when she disappeared.
“She doesn’t want us,” I insisted, knowing that I was only lumping myself in with Jake because I knew I couldn’t face the truth that I had completely driven her away. I was given multiple opportunities where I could’ve done things differently, but I always fell short.
So, instead of owning up to my mistakes, I stubbornly turned back toward the cabin. After all, I told myself, if she wants to try her luck in the mountains by herself, that’s her prerogative. I tried to convince myself that she should find the ranger’s station soon and then I won’t matter to her anymore, though I didn’t completely believe it. I figured eventually, I would be able to convince myself that this was for the best and I could get back to my life of solitude.
Yet, after walking a few paces in the direction of the cabin, Jake stopped abruptly and whined, as though he just realized where I was leading him.
“What?” I moaned, not wanting to have to handle a pigheaded dog in addition to all this other sit.
Nevertheless, Jake positioned himself stubbornly between the cabin and the direction that Carrie had taken.
“No,” I insisted, snapping my fingers, and motioning back toward the cabin, “Let’s go home.”
Jake didn’t move.
“Come, Jake!” I commanded, this time with a much more authoritative tone.