I scribble my name down and take the bag from him, trying to shake off the horrible sensation inside my chest. I have the drugs now, I can help my dad, I don’t know why I’m still feeling off. Maybe I need to grab myself some pills while I’m in here, something to get rid of my headache or to calm me down. I don’t know what, but I might as well try and help myself while I’m here.
“Thank you for that.”
I turn on my heels and head towards the shelves, I feel guilty for thinking about myself. And not just with the headache pills, but with all of it. I need to stop worrying about a ghost from my past, there’s so many people here that I’m not going to see him, there’s no chance at all. I can’t get myself all worried about him when he doesn’t exist anymore. Not to me. Just because he had a profound effect on my life, doesn’t mean I have to lose myself along the way.
I force a smile up onto my lips as I move through the aisles, just trying to make myself be happy. I want to fake it until I make it. For my dad’s sake. I can do it for him.
But then it falls away when I sense a prickle on the back of my neck, a sensation that someone is staring at me, intently like they know me. It can’t be, I know it can’t, there’s just no way… but it kinda feels like it might be. I need to spin around, just in case, just to rule out the possibility.
Chapter 18 – Brandon
Oh my God. I shake my head and blink a few times, trying to correct my vision. It can’t be. It just can’t.
But it is. The thing is I know it is. I can just sense it right down to my bones. When I first came home to the city, I thought I saw her here, but that long vanished when I realized that I was just being stupid. She wouldn’t come here, there’s just no way. Not when she hates me. But now, a year later when I’ve just decided to move on with my life, here she is again.
“L… Lola?” I stammer awkwardly, feeling all weird inside. “Is that you?”
She looks the same. Exactly the same with her flame red hair, and her bright blue eyes, but she looks like a different person as well. She hasn’t got her sweet little cowgirl outfit on, or anything similar. She has a plain white tee shirt and dark denim skinny jeans on. She looks quite a lot like every other girl in the city. The spark isn’t there as much within her anymore.
“Brandon?” She looks resigned as she says this. “What are you doing here?”
“Me?” I take a tentative step closer to her. “I live here. What are you doing here?”
Her expression hardens. I can almost see the shitty way that I left her spinning through her mind. I want to reach out to her, to touch her, to try and connect with her again, but I know it’s the wrong thing to do. I know she’ll snatch her arm away as if she’s been burned and the way that my fragile heart is hammering, I don’t think I can take it.
“I’m here for my father,” she says quietly. “He needs to see a specialist.”
I part my lips, wondering if I should offer to pay again, almost as an automatic reaction, but I quickly stop myself at the last moment. We aren’t in that place anymore… to be honest I don’t know if we were in that place ever. I think I overstepped even then.
“Oh right, I see. That’s… I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he’s doing okay.”
“He will be, I hope. I guess we’ll just have to see.”
I nod a few times, wondering what I should say next. This is the second chance that I’ve always wanted, that I never knew I would ever get. I could explain now, I could tell her that I made a mistake when I left her behind, when I decided to pick my career over my love life, but hearing it in my mind with her standing in front of me, they just sound like pathetic excuses. There are so many ways I could have apologized for that, so many times I could have made it okay, but I didn’t. I’m a pitiful human being.
“Did you want to…” I start, about to break the ice and just offer for her to come out for a drink with me. I hope that when we loosen the tension around us, we might actually be about to make things okay, but I don’t get to finish my sentence.
“Oh, Brandon!” Franko’s voice rings out as he crackles loudly and grabs my shoulder. He might be fun, but it seems that he’s rubbish at reading the room. “You are coming out for my birthday, right? That little hot thing that works for you, Sandi with the big boobs.” I slide my eyes closed in dismay at his horrible way of describing my personal assistant… in front of Lola too. Now she’ll think I’m a sexist pig. Probably me too. “Well she told me that you were hesitant at first, but now you’re all for it.”
“Oh well…” I don’t know anymore, things have changed now. I shrug, but Franko doesn’t seem to sense my hesitancy.
“Good, because it isn’t a night without you. You’re always the wild one who makes things get crazy. Oh and between you and me, Sandi is seriously hot for you.” Oh God, this man needs a punch just to shut him up. “Actually that isn’t between you and me, she’s been telling everyone for weeks how she wants to ride you. I think that you’re in for another hot affair.”
He pats me again then walks off, calling out how he’ll see me later as he goes. He blows in like a hurricane, then swishes out again leaving a God damn trail of destruction behind him. I don’t even need to look at Lola again to know that she’s disgusted in me. She never got to know the playboy version of me. The man that she spent time with was someone better.
“Well, it sounds like you have a fun night ahead of you,” she says coldly, not even meeting my eyes as she does. “I better not interrupt.”
“No, wait.” She takes a step away f
rom me but I reach out to grab her arm to stop her. “Please, Lola. You can’t just go. You can’t just breeze into my life and leave again without giving me a chance to explain.”
“I’m not here for you,” she snaps angrily. “I came here for my father. If I wanted to see you, I would have contacted you, wouldn’t I? But I didn’t. I wouldn’t want to speak to someone who thinks it’s okay to just vanish without even saying goodbye.”
That causes my hand to fall away from her because I know that she’s right. I did leave her. I did run away like a coward without even explaining. I should be punished for that. She should hate me. I wish I could be better for her but I can’t. I can’t be what she wants.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper back to her “I know I don’t deserve it, but please just give me a chance to explain. I want to tell you why…”
“You’ve had a whole year to tell me why.” She holds up a bag of pills to me. “Now I need to get back to my dad because he needs me, or did you forget all about my complicated life when you left to come back to a life of partying and screwing poor innocent girls who work for you. Real classy of you by the way.”