“Excuse me,” I mutter as I push past people. “Scuse. Thank you. Excuse me, scuse.”
Eventually I make it as close to the front of the stage as I can manage. It seems that Kian was right about one thing, people really do want a piece of the guy who’s seemingly risen from the dead. It sickens me a little, but maybe I would have been the same if I wasn’t bang smack in the middle of this situation. Maybe I would be with everyone else, with my camera phone held high taking pictures of the man that one small newspaper once reported had been killed.
As I watch Kian, I think back to the moment we went to the bar where Stephen was actually killed, trying to find Katie. I wasn’t keen to find her, I didn’t know what it would be like to find the woman who saw his dead body, but it was an avenue we had to at least try… but of course we got nowhere. The bar is no more, it’s too fire damaged to be anything at the moment, and no one around seems to know a girl called Katie at all. Kian thinks that her vanishing act is all part of the bigger picture, the mafia as he thinks it is, but I’m not so sure. I would much rather think that she’s just gone somewhere else to start a new life.
My eyes focus on Kian and I lose myself in the moment because it’s preferable not to worry about anything else. As I do, I remember the magical moment I saw Stephen playing for the first and only time on the cruise ship. As I watched him up on the stage, singing his heart out to people that were probably way too old to really appreciate his music, I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. He awoke something inside of me that I’d put to sleep long before.
Stephen Jones had such an impact on me that I ran all the way to New Zealand just to be near his memory. Somehow, even after all of this, I want to find a way to keep his memory alive. He doesn’t deserve to just be forgotten, it really isn’t right. I don’t know what I’m going to do just yet, but I’ll definitely do something. I owe him that much. Maybe it was only one night, but if it wasn’t for that night then none of this would have happened. I would probably still be in my parent’s home feeling miserable about my directionless life.
I hope you’re watching this, Stephen, I think while glancing my eyes up towards the sky. I hope you see how much your brother loves you. As an after thought, I add, I hope you don’t mind me and him either. We didn’t mean to fall in love, we just did. It just happened, but it’s the best thing for the both of us. We make each other happy. I hope you can understand that.
I don’t know if I imagine the warmth that circles me at that moment or not, but I choose to believe that it’s a sign. I choose to take it as a blessing because that’s what I need it to be,
The crowd goes wild as Kian rocks it, some of the girls even chant Stephen’s name. From my brief meeting with Stephen and everything that Kian has told me about him, I just know that he would have loved this. For Stephen, this would have been a dream come true. It’s just a shame that he had to die for it to really happen. Maybe if he’d remained alive he would have got here eventually but I suppose we’ll never know now.
His dream died with him.
I get into the mood, I shake my arms, I move my hips, I fall in line with the others. Dancing is the only way that I can forget a little bit how serious this is. I need to stop getting tied up in knots before I throw up over everyone, really ruining the festive mood. Of course, my eyes keep flicking back and forth as I try to locate anyone that looks out of place, anyone that might be suspicious, but I don’t see anyone. Everyone just appears to be having a good time which is a good thing as well
as a bad thing.
If something is going to happen, it needs to happen soon before I lose my freaking mind.
Chapter Nineteen - Kian
So far, so good, I think to myself as the crowd goes wild. It all seems to be going to plan… except of course I can’t forget that the plan isn’t actually to give this crowd a good show, it’s to lure out Stephen’s killer. Or killers. I haven’t ruled out the fact that it might be more than one person. Of course, it feels good to be adored. I thought I’d thrown my dream to be famous away long ago but I can feel it coming back to life as the spark of thrill races through me. Maybe once this is all over, it’s something I can pursue again.
What was that? Every strange movement grabs my attention which is annoying because it’s a packed out concert hall of people acting crazy. Every crowd surfer, every person with a sign, everyone that leaps up too high… they all grab my focus which hopefully doesn’t take too much away from the music. Nothing, again, just keep on playing.
Eventually my eyes are drawn to Tia’s as the magnet pulls me back in and I’m instantly calmed all over again. The woman has such an amazing effect on me, I like her far too much. I stare into her eyes lovingly as I sing, remembering that night at Serena’s, when she sat in the coffee shop watching me, the very same night that our relationship changed from something platonic to something much more special.
I love her, I realize starkly. I actually, fell in love with her. I don’t know why I haven’t realized it before, I don’t know why it’s only just hit me now at a moment when I can’t share my feelings with her, but it has. It’s hit me hard and fast in the face, leaving me a little breathless. I love Tia with everything that I have. I want her to be mine forever.
Of course I do, it’s obvious. I wouldn’t have risked everything to be with her if I didn’t. I’ve fallen head over heels for the girl that my twin brother liked, at least for one moment he really liked her, and now I just want her to be mine. A determination settles over me, I decide that what I really need to do when I get back to New Zealand to take her to meet my family. I don’t want to hide anymore, I just want us to be together and I want the whole world to know. Our love is precious, it shouldn’t be hidden. Me and Tia are perfect together,
I hope you approve, Stephen, I think, hoping that if he really is stuck until this plane until we solve it all then he’ll more than likely be watching this right now. I know I would be! This is your dream come true… I’m just sorry that it’s too late.
I play for him, I play for our bond, I play because of our fights, I play because I ignored the one text message that he sent me which actually meant something, I play for my twin and to hopefully trap the bastard that put him in his grave too soon.
I also hope that you aren’t too mad about me and Tia… you know this wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t everything to me. If I didn’t love her, I would have stayed away.
An electricity sizzles through the air which I use to spurn me on. I play louder, better, I sing harder and the crowd goes absolutely wild. They’re loving every single second. I can even see Tia dancing away out there which is saying something. I’ve never seen anyone so anxious as her as we made our way over to America. She barley spoke on the flight, she didn’t say much as we went to see the burned out remains of the building where my brother lost his life, and she’s been ashen all day long. Because of all of that it’s nice to see her let her hair down. I want her to enjoy herself and I’m glad that it’s because of me.
I become overwhelmed with an excitement about what our life will be when we get back to New Zealand. Images fill my head of us fully immersing ourselves in one another’s lives, of us meeting friends and family, living together, getting married, maybe even starting a family… my eyes well up, I like the idea so damn much that I feel about ready to weep with joy. I might not have ever been the playboy that Stephen was but I haven’t really thought about settling down either, but I suppose that’s just because the right girl hasn’t come along. Now she has, now she’s here and I’m ready to give her all of me…
Bang!
The noise is so loud I don’t know what it is at first. It rings through my eardrums at an alarming rate, freezing me to the spot. I try to move my head from side to side so I can work out just what’s going on, but it’s almost as if I can only move in slow motion. For a weird moment it’s as if time has stopped completely and there’s nothing I can do to restart it.
Then my guitar crashes to the ground with a thud, creating a massive racket and allowing the noise to whoosh back into my ears once more, almost knocking me to the ground.
Is that screaming? I think desperately as I try to search the crowd. What’s going on? Everyone is rushing off in every direction as if they know something I don’t. My brain hasn’t quite processed what’s going on so nothing is making any sense right now, all I know is that something has happened. As the man up on the stage, I feel like it’s my obligation to put it right and to do that I need my guitar.
I lean forward to pick it up which I instantly realize is a mistake. A searing pain tears through the left side of my body and when I glance down to see what’s wrong I see a redness that I know shouldn’t be there. A sticky, warm redness that’s oozing from my body at an alarming rate. I clutch the area where the blood seems to coming from which only makes it gush out more ferociously as if I’ve aggravated it or something.
Have I been shot? I think desperately as I stagger back and forth. Now that I’ve seen the wound I can feel it harder and it’s making my brain dizzy. My stomach feels sick, I want to vomit everywhere but I’m in too much shock to do so. Where are the cops? Aren’t they supposed to stop this?
Much as it might have seemed that way on the surface, I didn’t ever come to America with a death wish in mind. I didn’t step up onto this stage tonight thinking I was going to get shot. A part of me thinks that maybe Tia thought that, but it was never on the agenda. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t actually want to die as I pretended to be my brother. I just wanted closure, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, and justice too. My brother doesn’t deserve to be an unsolved mystery, a murder that doesn’t put anyone behind bars, he was too good a person for that. That’s why I fought so hard to make all of this happen.