“I hope you know that you have real talent. I’m not just saying that and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart. I’m thinking about bringing on somebody full time and you might be the one that can fill the position. We’ll have to come to terms, but I don’t see that being difficult under the circumstances. I can be very accommodating, but you haven’t even expressed interest in staying here. Is this something that you would be ready to take on? I know that some freelancers like their independence and I can perfectly understand that. It’s just that I don’t think that I’ve ever had anybody working with me like a well-oiled machine. I’m reluctant to give that up. The one sticking point is if the client is going to like what we came up with.” He wasn’t trying to look down my blouse and I found that bending over didn’t make him that drooling dog.
“I sent you my designs because I wanted your honest opinion. I was not fishing for a job, but now that you have broached the topic, I might be convinced. I do like working with you, August. I don’t think that I told you that you were my inspiration for getting into this profession. Everybody has their heroes and the one that shapes them into who they are today. You were that for me.” I didn’t want to give him a swelled head
to go with the one that was never going to take no for an answer.
The only way that I was going to dissuade that part of him was to dump a glass of chilled water into his lap. It was a known fact that shrinkage was something that a man deals with when they go swimming. I could’ve done that, but I took it as a compliment.
“I’ll be happy to draw up some papers, but not until after we meet with the client.” August was hedging his bets and hoping that I was the golden ticket. I wasn’t sure how he could put that much faith in me. I wanted him to be proud and for some reason, his admiration of my work was something that I coveted.
“I understand. I think that we have hit this one out of the park, but we really won’t know until we hear it from the client. I just want to go on the record to say that I appreciate that you have refrained from putting the moves on me. I think that it was for the best and that is not a road that I’m willing to travel. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into,” My lie had worked way too well and his interest in me had waned a little bit too much.
“I have to say that I was a little taken back. I don’t usually have any problems getting a girl to sleep with me. Rejection is for other guys and maybe I did need a cold dose of reality. I can’t always assume that every woman wants to sleep with me. That makes me sound a little egocentric. You were the first that ever-said no. It sometimes comes down to timing. You did say that you were interested, but you just got out of a long-term relationship. I’m not sure that I believe you and it really doesn’t matter. I find our working relationship not worth losing.” August had a way with words.
At the end of the day, we left to prepare separately for the meeting with the client in the morning. I came to him for that experience that I was lacking. Sending those blueprints was my way of self-destructing. I really didn’t expect him to answer back, let alone invite me to work alongside him. I thought that his rejection would be the final straw to make me forsake my dream from coming true. It had turned out better than expected and the way that he looked over my curves had me wishing that I didn’t throw cold water on his parade.
“I’m going to go home, put on some soft jazz and have a bubble bath. I would offer for you to come join me, but I think that we have already beaten that horse to death. I’m sure that you have your own ritual before a big meeting.” I was trying to open that window, but I was not willing to open up the door wide enough for him to think that he had a chance.
“Trust me, I’ve learned my lesson and you won’t have to worry about me putting the moves on you ever again. I look back at all those times that I treated women with disrespect and I want to call each and every one of them and tell them how sorry I am. Tonight is the first night that I’m going to go home and sleep alone. I don’t know what I was so afraid of and maybe the idea of growing old alone makes me reach out for any kind of cold comfort in the middle of the night.” I didn’t know that he had those kinds of insecurities. I’d always taken him for somebody that was strong and confident not having any idea that he was suffering some of the same things that I did.
“There’s no reason for you to be alone. Change your ways and let the women in your life see the chink in your armor. I’m going to tell you a secret about women. We do want strength, but we also want our man to have the ability to cry. We want them to show their softer side. Try being honest and you’ll be surprised by the results.” I had no idea why I was telling him any of this, except to say that I was feeling sorry for him.
“It’s a novel idea, Amanda and I might just take your unsolicited advice like I did with your designs. Look at how good that turned out. I’m usually an army of one, but having you to back me up has allowed me to live a little. Now that you mention it, there is something that I should do while it’s still fresh in my mind.” He moved the hair away from my eyes. I thought for sure that he was going to kiss me. He did, but it was more of a peck on the cheek. He didn’t need to know that I almost moved to intercept him with my mouth.
“The one thing that you need to know about women is that they don’t like playing games. Say it like it is, tell them what you really want and let them decide if what you are offering is good enough. Women want a man that is going to be there for them. It’s that cold spot on the bed that draws a woman to the bar at odd hours of the night. They find that unsuspecting victim and they think that they have to settle.” I was giving him way too much insight into the female mind, but I felt that he could benefit from my lessons.
“It is nice to hear the other side for a change. A man’s point of view only gets me so far. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Amanda and I really don’t know how to thank you. Let’s get some sleep and we’ll meet in the office at 7:00 AM to go over the details of those designs. Lionel is not going to know what hit him. I just hope that he’s open to new ideas. He already told me what he wants and it’s the same thing every time. If he wasn’t paying an exorbitant amount of cash, I wouldn’t even consider debasing myself like that.” He walked towards his Lexus, a silver extension of his anatomy and it gave me the impression that he was making up for some kind of shortcoming.
I knew that it wasn’t what most women would think it was. He was not lacking in that department. I had no first-hand knowledge other than the way that he put it out there for everyone to see. That was not a rolled-up pair of socks. That was the real thing and I had pushed him away because he was too forceful in his approach.
I felt like kicking myself. I wanted to believe that leopards could change their spots, but my personal experience told me otherwise. Men would say that they wanted to change, but they would always fall back on old habits. I didn’t want to nag him into being something that he wasn’t. It was better that we cut things off before it got any messier.
I was up all night going over those designs and putting the finishing touches on them. I tried to call him excited and wanting to share it with him, but the only thing that I got in response was his voice message service. I told him that it was no big deal and that I would see him in the morning. I was kinda hoping that he would reach out even if I was snuggled tight into my bed.
I finally got to sleep around 4:00 AM and that left me with 3 hours to dream about the possibilities. I woke up thinking that he was there with me. I lifted the sheet off of my naked body half expecting to see his smiling face nestled between my thighs, but there was nobody there. It felt so real that I could almost reach out and touch him.
I kept drifting in and out of that fantasy. I finally gave up around 5:30 AM. I had a sheen of sweat glistening on my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror and knew deep down that what I did was the right thing for everybody concerned. Office romances didn’t work and I couldn’t in good conscience drive a wedge between us because we couldn’t keep it in our pants.
I was pretty much a zombie in desperate need of caffeine which I found in his office waiting for me. The steam from the cup had me grabbing it and bringing it up to my lips without thinking about the scalding contents. I managed to avoid burning myself.
“I’m glad to see you. I don’t know about you, but I had a very productive evening. I want to show you what I came up with. It would not surprise me in the very least that you came up with your own additions. Let’s see if we are truly on the same wavelength. It could’ve been just one of those things and this way we can prove to one another that we can work together. It doesn’t have to be anything physical, no matter how much a certain party wants there to be something like that. There I go again making assumptions. I really do have a one-track mind.” August had reined himself in, but I did feel that there was more to what he had to say.
“I’ll show you mine…if you show me yours.” I was playing a dangerous game with that comment, but he took it in stride. He motioned for me to go first and I was tempted to start undressing to see that shocked look on his face, but I didn’t take it that far.
I opened up my portfolio and I put them alongside his and amazingly, they matched up almost perfectly. It was as if we were thinking the same thoughts. I wanted to believe that we could see each other out of the office, but I didn’t trust him to keep things friendly.
“I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it for myself. It’s as if we were both standing in front of each other, as we made these designs. I thought that you would make the perfect addition to my little family, but I didn’t think that we would be this much in sync. I was only playing last night when I said that Lionel was not going to know what hit him. I didn’t know how truthful that statement was until I saw this.” He gathered all of it up and we left there together about to go to war. There was no way to know how this was going to end.
Lionel was already in the conference room waiting for us to enter to give him what he wanted. He probably didn’t understand why he had to come in to personally oversee the designs. It probably made him nervous and leaving him to wait was a good way to keep him on edge.
“Lionel, it’s good to see you again and I do hope that everything has been well. I want you to meet my soon to be partner, Amanda Cochran. I know your feelings about women in general. I want to assure you that Amanda has some interesting ideas. There’s no reason to squirm. Take a look at what we have for you. If we can’t change your mind, then we will go back to the old favorite.” August was an artist just like me, but it didn’t matter how much he wanted this to happen. We thought that we had come up with something that he would be a damn fool to resist. The only way that we were going to know for sure was to see his reaction up close and personal.
“You’ve taken a real risk by bringing me something that I ha
ve no interest in seeing. I’m this close to awarding you the contract for three more buildings. I hope for your sake that you know what you’re doing, August. I’ve been married five times and you’d think after the third that I would know better than to stick my head in the Lions’ den again. The only thing that a woman is good for is to…” August put his hand up to stop Lionel from saying something that was going to make me want to punch him square in the face.
“I would ask respectively that you don’t finish that statement. Just take a look and see if this is something that makes you want to change your mind. I want the contract for the next three buildings, but I still feel that we can do better than what was acceptable back in the day. Judge it on the design itself and not who came up with it.” August was trying to wean him into it, but Lionel was fighting him every step of the way.
The worst thing of all was the silence. The clock was ticking and the tension that was in the air was making both I and August anxious. They say that no news is good news, but in this case, that wasn’t going to cut it.