“No, Dad, I don’t want this. I haven’t even talked to you properly about it yet.” I run my hands through my hair as stress catches up with me. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t have any desire for this. I just…” I groan hopelessly as I feel my future slipping away from me. “Dad, I just need some more time. Give me time.”
“No, son, there is no time. This course starts now. You have to go.” His face glowers and I start to feel a little afraid. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone turn him down before and I don’t know if that’ll change him. “You are leaving, you are getting in that car, and you are going to college. You need to grow up.”
I could run, that’s the one thing that keeps coming through my mind. I could run away from here and never come back, but where will that leave me, honestly? How will that help me? I have nothing of my own, I don’t have any money or possessions, only my bike. How far would I get? And in a way, I can’t stop thinking that as much as I don’t want it, it might be an opportunity that I risk not taking later on. I don’t have to be gone for years anyway, I can come back and visit Leah if I feel strongly enough once I’ve gotten some distance. Maybe it’s better if we do things this way anyway. I don’t know what I’m ready for and I don’t want to make a big mess of things by pushing things too quickly.
I hate to admit it, but my dad is older than me and he’s had a very successful life. Maybe he knows more than me after all. Maybe, after everything that we’ve been through, he does only care for me and want what’s best. Maybe, I should give his idea a go then if it doesn’t work out I can at least tell him that I tried.
“Okay fine,” I eventually say glumly. “I’ll go. I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”
“All I want you to do is try, son. That’s all I’m asking of you. Now come on, let’s get this car packed up.”
I feel uneasy as we do so, I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing, but I know that I might end up regretting not seeing what my potential could be. I just hope that I’m not be throwing away something incredible here by doing so. Then again, if fate is a thing then it’ll happen if it’s meant to be. I just need to be patient and hope that the life I want finally catches up with me.
Chapter Eleven – Leah
I keep staring out the window waiting for Zane to appear. He’ll be here soon, I know that he will. He promised me and I know for a fact that he’ll keep that. He wouldn’t lie to me, Zane just isn’t like that. I feel like I know him now, I have a closeness with him that’s an unbreakable bond. It’s utterly unbelievable.
I barely slept all night long, but as I did I dreamt of him. Of me and Zane and the wonderful future that we could have together given the chance. I know it won’t be easy to get there, but it’ll be worth it.
“Urgh,” Bra
ndon groans as he staggers into the room, looking pale and sallow, like he might throw up at any given moment. I” think I’m going to die. I haven’t ever had a hangover like this before.”
I smile and stand before walking over to the coffee pot to pour him a mug. Hopefully, this will help with his self-inflicted pain. “You look like death. But did you have a good night? That’s the main thing.”
“I did, I did.” He slumps into one of the chairs and gives me a look. “Was I well behaved? I can’t remember much so now I’m scared that I might have acted like a crazy person. I’m dreading the flash backs.”
“You did sing some Disney songs at one point, but that was just before Zane put you to bed. There weren’t many people here by that point anyway so I don’t think it matters. No one filmed you anyway.”
Brandon flops his head down onto the table in despair, leaving his coffee untouched. I feel bad for him, I really do, but he did get a little bit carried away. Then again, I can’t judge. I did too. I got really carried away, but it led to one of the best things in my entire life. It led to me and Zane finally hooking up and getting together.
“Where is Zane anyway?” he asks in a pitiful tone. “He was supposed to be staying here last night.”
I can feel an instant blush filling my cheeks. This is something that I’m desperate to discuss but that I’m also afraid to. I’m scared that Brandon might pick up on what’s going on between us. “Oh, I… he left last night. I don’t know why but he did say he’d be back in the morning to help with the clean-up.”
Brandon raises his head and takes a look about. “But there isn’t anything to clean up, is there?”
“No, I’ve done it,” I admit. I couldn’t sleep so I figured that I might as well get it clean. “I didn’t want Mom to come home and see it after a night shift. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad anyway.”
“Is Mom back yet? Has she seen the house?” Brandon looks panicked. “Is she mad at me?”
“She’s in bed,” I chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. She isn’t angry at you anyway, she knows that it was your birthday. She was expecting it to be a mess so it was good that I had it all done. Now, do you want food?”
Something about the word ‘food’ causes Brandon to pale even more. His cheeks get wide and he slaps his hands across his mouth. He’s going to vomit, I can tell even before he leaps to his feet and he runs to the bathroom.
I laugh to myself, knowing that I definitely won’t be making the same mistake for my birthday, that’s for sure. It might be fun at the time, but the aftermath really isn’t worth it. It looks awful.
My heart stops as I notice something unusual. Brandon is so ill that he’s left his precious cell phone on the table which is something that he never does. He carries it around with him everywhere like it’s an extra limb or something. But now he’s throwing up and it’s up for the taking. I could look into it and get Zane’s number…
Without allowing myself even a second to panic, I do the worst thing and I grab the phone. I don’t like to dive into anyone else’s privacy, but today it feels like it’s necessary. If me and Zane are going to end up together, I’ll have to have his number anyway. I can’t be a girlfriend without it. This is fine in the long run, I’m sure.
I grab out my own phone and I copy down the number at the speed of light with my heart hammering in my ears the entire time. I feel shitty about myself, but I suppose I’m going to have to get used to being secretive. Me and Zane will have to keep things private between us for at least a while.
I’m tempted to text him right away, but I can’t. I don’t want to the ‘that girl’. I want to wait until he gets here first so I can see how he feels first. I want to get a clue from him that everything will still be the same as last night. It’ll kill me if it isn’t, but I suppose it’ll be better for me to know one way or another. I’ll have to try and keep myself together for a little while later. It shouldn’t be too hard, should it?
I stare out the window again, waiting for him to arrive. I cannot wait until I hear that rumble of the bike engine, the one that sends a deep and powerful thrill right through me. My heart is racing, my nerve endings are on fire, I can’t stop myself from hoping that everything will go the way I want. There’s a happy ever after forming in my mind, and I so desperately want it to become real. I’ll even wait if I have to, as long as I know that Zane is in this just as much as I am. I need that security, after all this time, I need to not be in this alone.
***