My mom, on the other hand, took a seat, fanning herself as if she might pass out. But my dad stared at me, and I watched as the pride he'd had in me slipped away, bit by bit. He looked at me as if he didn't even know me, like I was a stranger to him.
And honestly, I felt like a stranger myself.
Several Years Later
“Elijah Michael McConnell, put that down!” my mom shouted.
Visiting my parents with my son was always an adventure. My mom, as much as she claimed to love children, really wasn't too fond of a toddler who liked to grab all the little trinkets off the shelves. Maybe it was because she'd thought she was past all of that. That she'd done her tour of duty raising kids and it was over. What with her own kids grown up and able to comprehend that the porcelain birds on the shelves were fragile and all. But I never remembered my mom being that strict or grumpy when I was a child myself.
My son, Elijah, was precocious too. I often said he was just like his father. He looked like him, not that anyone but me knew who his father was, but I could see it plain as day. His skin was a nice natural tan and he had the same dark eyes and dark hair that his dad did. Thankfully, no one else put two and two together – Reese was so far out of the picture, no one even mentioned his name anymore. Luke seemed to have all but forgotten about him. He was off in LA, living his dream and he'd forgotten about all of us there in the suburbs of Chicago.
And most of the time, I was thankful for that.
“What's he getting into now?” I asked, coming down the hallway.
I had stepped away to use the bathroom – that was it. A few minutes away and my mom was already freaking out because Elijah was getting into something – again.
I walked into the living room to find her hovering over Eli, standing over him and blocking him from getting to her shelves. She had one of her glass birds in her hand, holding it out of reach and Eli reached up for it, a smile on his face.
His father's smile.
“Maybe you should try putting those stupid birds up higher,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Why put something that looks like a toy – but is made of glass – within his reach? You're only tempting him and seriously, it's not worth the trouble.”
Yeah, that was the new me. I was no longer the dutiful daughter who never talked back. Once I'd lost my status as the family's golden child, I realized my parents weren't the perfect parents they pretended to be either. And now that I was a mother myself, I had grown up. A lot.
“Because it's my house, Maya, and I want to decorate it how I please,” my mom said.
I picked up Eli, propping him up on my hip and laughed. “Well, he's your grandson, so it's either put the birds up higher or expect them to get broken, because you know he's going to find a way over there when we're not looking.”
My mom scowled and placed the bird – a white dove – on the top shelf. Almost like she was admitting I was right without actually admitting it. Because I couldn't be right about anything. Not anymore.
Luke came downstairs at that moment, saw the way mom and I were staring at each other – probably felt the tension in the air – and laughed long and loud.
“It's so nice not being the biggest failure in this family,” he said and smiled wide.
It was a common insult, one he tossed at me whenever he had the chance.
“Oh shut up, Luke,” I said, bouncing Eli on my hip. “I'm still not a bigger screw-up than you. At least I went to college –”
“Only to drop out in your first semester because you got knocked up at a frat party,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But hey? Who am I to judge?”
I gritted my teeth and prepared to go off. I didn't want my son hearing crap like Luke was spewing. Right now, it didn't mean anything to him because he was so young and didn't understand. But one day, it would. And Luke had no right to talk to me like that.
“You're a disgrace, Luke McConnell,” I said, leaving the room and heading toward the kitchen.
I needed to get away from him before I went off and said some things I'd regret later. I couldn't let him get to me. I couldn't let my son see me this upset. Luke wasn't worth any of that.
I put Eli in the high chair and sat down in the breakfast nook, my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face. Luke was right though. Try as hard as I could to deny it, it was the truth – I was a failure. Medical school? Down the drain. I was taking classes at the community college in the evening, but there was no future for me as a doctor. Not anymore. I'd never be able to do that, not as a single mother.
Eli babbled, but all I could make out was, “Mama crying,” and instantly, my heart broke.
I didn't want my child to see me crying, especially about my future – or lack thereof. Especially, since my future included him. And he was very much a blessing. I never wanted him to feel like a burden or an unwanted presence. Never.
Yes, Allie had suggested an abortion and I could have done just that. If I had, I wouldn't be in my current situation and would probably already be in med school. But God, there was no way. Once I'd went to the doctor and confirmed what was happening to my body, I couldn't do it. I would never judge somebody else for having an abortion, but I couldn't do it. Not for me.
And despite the fact that my future looked way more uncertain and scary, my son was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was thankful for him, and I could never, ever let him see me crying over the future I gave up to have him.
“No, mama isn't crying, Eli,” I said, wiping the tears away. “I'm fine. Now let's get you something to eat, okay?”