I made it through the next month with some more clients, keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t think about things. They gave me money for my car, enough for a down payment when I was ready to get something else. For now, I was at the apartment a lot, and Ginger took me everywhere. I borrowed her car a couple of times to go to the store when she was lazy, and it brought back the night of the accident. I knew that I had to make myself drive and trust in things again. That was an accident and nothing more. I was fine, and more importantly, the baby was growing like crazy inside of me. I knew from the appointments that everything was on course and Ginger squealed when she found out that we’d know what it was in about a month.
I knew that I would start showing soon. I had enough curves that the bump wasn’t noticeable yet, but I worried about when it was. Ginger knew about it, obviously and I’d confessed to my parents once I told Ginger that I wanted to keep the baby.
It was everything that I thought it would be. They were disappointed and figured I was making a mistake. How was I supposed to raise a baby on my own and try to finish school? It was impossible to them, but I knew that I could make it work. I was working steadily for clients, and Ginger charged me nothing than some money for the bills in rent, so I was putting money away. There was a third room here that would be great for a baby at first, at least until I moved into something of my own. I needed Ginger right now, and she told me that I wasn’t going anywhere.
I thought about Liam a lot once I decided to keep the baby. I wondered how he was doing with the blonde girl and if he was in love. I knew that I was when I walked away from him and that killed me sometimes. I just didn’t want him to be with me out of obligation. I wasn’t doing so bad on my own.
I went outside when I heard the honk of a horn, seeing Ginger in her car. We were going to lunch, and I walked down the stairs and slid into the car as I smiled at her. “Hey. How’s your day?”
“Good. Classes and all,” she replied, still keeping talk of school vague around me. It was silly since it was my decision to take a break. I frowned at her as she drove away, seeing something else in her face.
“Ginger, you can talk about school,” I reminded her as she nibbled on her lip.
“It’s not just that. I saw Liam with a woman today eating lunch. They were smiling and happy, and I knew then that you let him go.” I sighed as she spoke, hearing the disappointment in her voice. “He would be here for you.”
She hadn’t let the night at the pizza place go. I told her that he left with a blonde and she asked me what else he was supposed to do. I just froze in front of him, offering him nothing. She still wanted me to tell him about the baby, particularly since I was keeping it.
“We’ve been through this. It’s better this way,” I reminded her, even as the pain of him being with a woman chipped at my heart. ‘Was she blonde?”
“Brunette,” Ginger told me with a curious look on her face. “What blonde are you referring to?”
I realized that I never told her too much about Liam leaving the restaurant with the woman. I explained now, and she shot me a look at the stoplight that sent daggers my way. “Now he’s been with at least tw
o women, I guess. Good for him.”
“Jesus, Elena. He’s just a man, and he won’t wait forever,” she said before going silent. “He’s asked me about you a few times when I’ve passed him on campus.”
“What?” I asked, surprised by this confession. “What did you tell him?”
“Just that you’re better from the accident and living with me. He remembered the dorm, so I explained the whole roommate scenario and why I ended up in an apartment to begin with.” Ginger hated sharing a dorm, especially with a girl that had guys over all the time. The scarf signal just didn’t work for her, and she spoke to her parents, getting right into the apartment. “He misses you, Elena. I see it in his eyes when he talks to me. You’re not teacher-student anymore, so why not speak to him?”
“I don’t think that telling him he’s going to be a dad in five months is anything that he wants to hear,” I reminded her as she gave me a long look. “Besides, he’s moved on according to you. I don’t want to be that girl that messes with his life that way. I had my chance to tell him and didn’t.” It was a talk we’d had many times over, and I wasn’t looking forward to it again, apart from there being a new girl.
That hurt.
“He could be a dad and with someone else. It happens all of the time,” Ginger told me as I rolled my eyes. “I almost said it to him, Elena. I think that he deserves to know and make his own choice.”
I remained quiet as we pulled up to my favorite cafe. I wasn’t sure if I was hungry or nauseous when we left the car and found our seat, ordering a fruit juice to calm my stomach. “Do you regret not telling him?” Ginger asked as I looked at her for a moment. “Just a little?”
“Maybe a little. I can’t tell you how many times I have dreamed of things being different with us,” I mused, smiling for a moment. “Why did this have to happen with the one guy that was off limits?”
“He was off limits. He isn’t necessarily that way now.” I laughed and rubbed my face with my hand.
“That’s way too much to explain. People can do the math.” She shrugged, and we looked down at the menu to decide what to get. The conversation switched over to my new clients and what I was working on before we ordered sandwiches. She was talking about the baby and what she thought it was as I smiled, feeling deep inside that I was going to have a daughter. I hoped that she would have her daddy’s eyes and maybe my hair. I wanted her to look like her father because he was the most handsome man that I’d ever seen.
We split a piece of chocolate cake for dessert since I couldn’t get enough of it right now.
We were walking towards the car as I cursed how full I was and I looked across the street to see Liam leaving the used bookstore. He had a dark-haired girl with him, and they were looking at the cover of a book in his hand as they talked intimately and I pressed my lips together. “Is that her?” I asked as Ginger followed my gaze.
“Yeah, it is.” I took her in and noticed that she was probably a few years older than I was. She looked smart and not like some of the sorority girls that I saw staring at him in class, though she hopefully wasn’t a student. I was sure that he learned a lesson from us. She was still pretty, though. I hoped that she made him happy. “Tell him,” Ginger said as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
As if on cue, Liam turned his head to see me watching him as a frown crossed his face. I knew that he couldn’t see the beginnings of my baby bump and was relieved, but I hated the way he still made me feel inside.
Pregnancy hormones when you were single sucked. I was getting myself off more than ever and finding fascinating forms of porn on the internet. I missed Liam and wasn’t ready for another man to take his place, but eventually, I knew that it would happen. “I can’t. He needs to be happy, Gin.”
“He would be with you,” she assured me as I shook my head and forced a weak smile before he turned to keep walking. We got into the car and did some shopping as I played his face back through my mind. I was getting emotional in this pregnancy and thought about him far too much for my own good.
Ginger and I carried groceries into the apartment as she talked about a guy that she was interested in. I missed the days of just being a student and not worrying about much else, making me smile ruefully. I sure messed that all up, didn’t I?