But not as much as knowing that now, I could call Alex my boyfriend. We’d finally done it – and it had gone so much better than I’d expected. Never in a million years would I have thought a man like Alex Travers would want to be my boyfriend.
It was the best day of my life.
Rebecca got home about half an hour after Alex had left. I’d taken a shower and now I was curled up on the couch with a textbook. I felt so guilty that I’d been neglecting my studies. Even Dan had called a few times and I’d been so preoccupied thinking about Alex that I’d completely ignored him.
“Hey,” Rebecca said. She looked sweaty and very red in the face. She flopped down on the other end of the couch. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” I said nervously, biting my lip. I didn’t know what to do – should I tell her about the Alex news, or let her figure it out on her own? I had a feeling that if I just left it alone, she’d be really angry with me for not telling her. But she’ll be angry with me if I tell her, too, I thought. This isn’t fair!
“Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird,” Rebecca said. She sighed. “I’ve been going through some stuff and I haven’t really wanted to bother you. I know you’re pretty hung up on my brother.”
“We talked, actually,” I said. “Um, things are good. They’re better, at least.” They’re fantastic and I’m the happiest woman in the world, I added silently. I just wish I could spill!
“Well, that’s good,” Rebecca said slowly. “Can I talk to you?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. I closed my book and sat up straighter. “What’s going on?”
“It’s not about Alex, if you’re worried about that,” Rebecca said. “I don’t want to freak you out or anything.” She sighed. “I’m gonna get a glass of wine, you want anything?”
“Beer, please,” I said.
Rebecca walked into the kitchen and came back with a glass of white wine and a beer. She handed it to me and we drank in silence for a moment. Then she cleared her throat.
“I realize I’ve been acting really rudely, I just think a lot of weird feelings are coming to the surface that I didn’t really used to have,” Rebecca said quietly. “I maybe pushed them aside for a really long time because I was always worried about something else.”
"I get that," I said slowly. “I’ve been sort of feeling the same way. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve had a crush on Alex for a really long time. I’m sorry I never told you. I just…well, I know how much you hate him and I didn’t want it to make you hate me, too.”
Rebecca stared at me for a long time and narrowed her eyes. “Oh,” she said. She bit her lip and took a long sip of wine, wiping her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand. “I see.”
Immediately, guilt seared me like a burn. “I’m sorry,” I said lamely. “I know I should’ve told you years ago.” I sighed. “I guess I just thought it would never happen, like, in a million years.”
Rebecca shrugged. “Things change,” she said blandly. “Molly, I have to ask you something, and I’m sorry if it’s a weird question. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”
“Okay,” I said. “Go for it. What’s up?”
“Have you…have you always known you were straight?”
“What?” I narrowed my eyes. “Um, why? What’s going on?”
Rebecca shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said, blushing deeply. “I just wanted to know, that’s all. Sometimes I think about that. Maybe I should’ve taken up psychology instead of library science.”
I frowned. “So you think I’m gay?”
“No,” Rebecca said. “No, that’s not it at all.” She sighed and stretched, raising her arms high into the air. “I just wondered.” She bit her lip.
Suddenly, I remembered that book in the middle of the other two books that had been in her mailbox that day on campus. I wondered if that had anything to do with her weird question – was she going through a phase or something? Rebecca was straight – of course she was! She’d lost her virginity to a guy way before I’d ever had sex.
“Are you okay?” I asked Rebecca. “I mean, did something happen?”
Rebecca shook her head. She stared at me for a long time. “No,” she said. “Sorry if I’m being too weird.” She climbed off the couch, carefully balancing her glass of wine. “I’m gonna take a shower,” she added. “And then I should probably study for a while.” She wrinkled her nose and glanced down at the closed textbook on my lap.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been really falling behind with my work.”
Rebecca nodded. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then clamped her lips shut and abruptly walked out of the room.
I frowned. What is going on with her, I wondered as I heard her go into the bathroom and shut the door before turning on the spray of water. She’s acting so weird!
I yawned. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready for a nap. Looking at my closed textbook just made me feel sleepy. I rolled my eyes – I was such a terrible student. Going to grad school had been a terrible idea.