She spins and flicks her buttery blond hair over her shoulder, her pale green eyes matching mine with the smile. She’s definitely here, the woman who looked after me until she couldn’t any longer. My heart yearns for this to be real, to have her back in my life.
How different things could have been.
“I’m here, sweetie. Come here. Let’s have a hug.”
I fall into her embrace, inhaling deeply, breathing her in. I don’t remember everything about her, this might not even be exactly as she looked, my brain could be filling in the blanks, but the scent of her I know very well. I won’t ever forget that. She’s sweet and citrusy. It’s lovely.
“This is nice, Mom. I’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve always been with you. You know that.”
“You haven’t though, have you?” My voice grows thick with emotion. “I know what you mean, it’s nice that you’ve always been in my heart, but you haven’t been around.”
“No, because I sure as hell wouldn’t have let you marry that idiot.”
As she mentions Jeremy, although not directly by name, all the memories come flooding back. Him, standing at Clara’s door, yelling at me, begging me to get back with him, begging me to forget about everything. Then him stepping to one side and acting like a freak… followed by gunshots. Guns pointed at me as the hitman killed me.
Oh no… All of a sudden I see Mom through a different light. Maybe this isn’t all happening in my mind, maybe this is some sort of afterlife thing. I don’t like to think about that sort of thing too much. Much as it’s comforting to know that I might see my parents again, I never wanted to end up disappointed when it didn’t happen… even dead.
But now, I might be dead, and this might be real.
“Mom… I feel all…” I burst into sobbing tears that rack through my whole body. “I don’t know. I’m sad. I didn’t want to end up dead. I didn’t want Jeremy to win.”
She holds me tighter. I listen to her chest for a heartbeat but I don’t get one which only confirms my fears. This isn’t good. I cry harder.
“You don’t need to worry about this,” she shushes me. “You don’t need to worry anymore.”
In my mind’s eye, I imagine Jeremy looming over me, laughing loudly at what he’s done. This must be what he wants because I don’t want him anymore. He did tell me that he wouldn’t let me go which I guess is the first ever promise that he’s stuck to.
Now, I’m dead, no one can have me.
“Mom, I don’t like this. I don’t like it one bit.”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to worry.”
As she pulls back, she doesn’t look like herself anymore. I blink a couple of times and as my vision clears again, she’s become my father. I see his warm smile, his jokey aura, the way he always liked to have fun. He was a big, burly man who always swamped my mother, but you couldn’t be near them without soaking up little of their incredible love.
“Daddy?” I whimper. “Now you’re here?”
“Sure am, sweetheart. I’ve come to remind you not to give up.”
“Not to give up? Isn’t it a bit late for that?”
“It’s never too late for that.”
I stare at him, desperately hoping that he’ll just explain what he means because right now, I’m not seeing it. He cocks one eyebrow at me, trying to force me to figure things out for myself. He was always that way.
“Dad, I wish you weren’t killed in that accident.”
“Do you not think we wish the same thing? Me and your mother never wanted to leave you. You were our much-wanted baby, all we wanted was to raise you. We didn’t want you to be raised in the orphanarium.”
“Yeah, it didn’t do me any good, did it?” I can’t help but sulk.
“What do you mean? You’re an amazing person, Nova.”
“Pfft,” I scoff. “Have you seen some of the questionable choices that I’ve made?”
“Jeremy wasn’t the best idea, I’ll give you that, but you were just about to get away from him.” He nods slowly. “That tells me how strong and smart you are.”