“Yeah, well that’s why I’m calling you. I don’t want to go if you won’t be okay.”
“You are going,” I insist. “You’ve had this trip booked for months and months.”
“I know, but I didn’t know you were going to take this bold step then, did you?”
“You’re only going to be away for two weeks. Nothing dramatic will happen then.”
“I know, but I don’t like the sound of you all freaked out. I don’t want to leave.”
“You have to leave, I promise you that I’ll be fine.”
She remains silent for a moment and I can tell that she’s genuinely not wanting to do this, which is mental. There’s being a good friend to someone then there’s putting your whole life on hold for someone else.
“You have to go,” I insist. “Seriously, I want you to have a good time. You deserve this.”
“I’m only a plane ride away, so if you need me, give me a call.”
I can’t see any scenario in which I wi
ll do that to ruin her time away, but I’m sure she can’t relax until I agree, so I do. “I will ring you at the first sign of needing you, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. You have a nice time, okay?”
“I will, but only if I know that you’ll keep in touch with me.”
“Of course. Anything dramatic happens and I’ll let you know.” The door slams open, it’s time to stop this nice moment and hang up before Jeremy gives her something to worry about. “Right, well I’ll speak soon.”
“Okay, love you, Nova, bye! I’ll see you when I get back...”
I hang up quickly and stand to attention, almost like I’m in the army waiting for the Sargent to appear to give me a bollocking for something that I haven’t even done wrong. I stiffen my spine even more as he saunters into the kitchen with that nasty looking sneer playing on his mouth. It looks like my gut is right.
“Oh, fucking hell, there you are.” He stares at me like I’m dirt. “Never anywhere else, are you?”
“You… you don’t want me to be anywhere else… I thought you wanted me to be at home all the time.”
“Oh sure. I want you here getting under my fucking feet all the time, just what every man wants.”
“I’m sorry, I can go…” I want to go, I don’t want to be here with him.
“Yeah, fuck off. Get the hell out of here. Go and see your stupid slaggy mate.”
I really hate the way he talks about Clara, but I know it isn’t about her. He just doesn’t like her because I refuse to let her go no matter what. She will always be my friend and it doesn’t matter how much he wants to isolate me. I won’t tell Jeremy that she’s going away for two weeks. He will get a deep thrill out of that.
“Okay, yeah, I’ll go.” I push past him and race up the stairs two at a time. My heart races, my ragged breaths fly out of my mouth, my head spins desperately as I want to end this mess.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Nova, you twat?” he yells up the stairs.
“I’m just…” I wipe a stray tear away. “Just gathering up my stuff to go.”
“Don’t actually fucking go. Are you serious? I want you to be my wife for a change.”
I shudder, hoping that he doesn’t mean he wants me to be the lover side of his wife. There isn’t a chance in hell that is going to happen, so it’s time to try something else. He loves to talk about himself, I’ll try that.
I wander tentatively to the top of the stairs and gaze anxiously down at him. “Why not tell me what’s happening? I know that I might not understand it, but I can be an ear for you, get it off your chest.”
He walks up the stairs taking two at a time. Everything inside me freezes. This will go one of the two ways. It’ll either be a step in the right direction - only to a positive night, not future, we’re beyond that now - or it’ll be horrific. There’s a dark cloud hanging over him which terrifies me. I don’t like the look of it at all.
“I can… can make some coffee or something… we can have a nice chat…”
Shit, he looks different this time. He doesn’t look his normal angry state, this is bad. Whatever the hell is going on with him, it’s awful. I wonder if his business is crashing down. Maybe it’s the crime…