“Okay, Jace, well you just… do what you gotta do…”
“Oh, sorry, Addie, duty calls, I got to go now. Speak soon.”
“Love you…” I said, but it was too late. He was already gone.
I left the receiver by my ear for a while, until it actually left an imprint in the side of my head, before I finally gave up and let it fall. My heart was in my shoes, my mind a mess, I couldn’t even keep track of my thoughts any longer. I couldn’t even tell myself that it would be fine, that he needed to do this sort of thing to get where he wanted in life, it was just too much. I wanted what I once had.
My cell phone bleeped with a message and I grabbed it pathetically fast, hoping that he’d realized what he’d forgotten to say, but it turned out to be a message from Luci.
Luci: Awesome party at the student bar tonight. You have to be there! x
Addison: I don’t think I can. I don’t feel well x
Luci: Addison, I know what this is about and I refuse to accept it. You cannot mope forever x
Addison: Sorry, Luci, I won’t make it. You have fun though x
I went to switch my phone off, so she couldn’t berate me further to do something that I really wasn’t in the mood for but I couldn’t make it happen. Just in case. There was a small, tiny chance that Jace would call and I couldn’t miss it. I was that desperate I just couldn’t make myself do it.
That was how I ended up at that dreaded night.
“Just have another drink!” Luci hollered into my ear. “You’ll get in t
he mood then.”
There wasn’t much chance of me getting in the mood, but I did want some more booze to block it all out, so I took the glass from Luci and drank it back in one go. I was just going to stick it out a little while longer then I would be gone. I’d done what Luci wanted but I needed to protect myself as well.
“Wow, you were thirsty!” Luci laughed. “Let me go and get you another one. You want to come to the bar?”
I shook my head no. “I’ll pop to the bathroom. Meet you back here.”
As we went our separate ways, I felt even worse about being in the bar when all I wanted to do was curl up under the sheets to feel sorry for myself. Luci told me that wasn’t helpful, but this wasn’t either.
One more drink, I told myself. One more drink and all of this will be over.
I took longer in the bathroom than I intended, the queue of half drunk, desperate to pee girls was almost out the door, but I knew the bar would be the same so I stuck it out.
“Addison!” Luci screamed as soon as I was almost where we said we’d meet. “Addison, we need to go.”
“Huh?” I screwed up my eyes in confusion. “Go?”
I was the one who wanted to go, she’d insisted that we’d stay, so why the sudden change of heart? She didn’t even have any drinks in her hands which suggested she hadn’t even made it as far as the bar.
“I just… I saw Jace,” she gasped. “And we need to get the hell out of here.”
“Jace? No, he isn’t here, he’s doing…” I trailed off. I didn’t know what he was doing actually. He didn’t say.
“He’s here, and we need to leave.”
Her wild eyes scared me, but I shook her off. “No, I need to stay. I want to see him.”
“You don’t. Trust me, you don’t.”
“Why not?” I was fierce, and Luci could see this. I didn’t think she would have told me otherwise.
“You know that black haired woman? The manager?”
“Emma, the agent?”