I don’t feel like it, though. Part of me wishes I could just crawl into bed and hide from the world. I don’t want to think about Ethan or about my job, or about anything.
“Can we get cotton candy?” Lily asks enthusiastically, turning to me with stars in her eyes.
I hitch my smile up a little more.
“Sure,” I agree. “Anything you want, Lily. We’re here to have fun.”
To my surprise, Lily deflates.
“Yeah,” she says. “I just wish Dad came, too.”
“Next time,” I promise.
And there will be a next time, of that I’m sure. I think back to the conversation that I had with my boss yesterday, when I had had a little more time to think about what my acceptance of the new job would mean. He and I had come to an agreement that suited me far better… and that meant I needed to talk to Ethan one more time.
Later, though, when I’ve gotten over him trying to break my heart again. He can stew for a while, and it will serve him right for thinking he can try and force me into things I still wasn’t sure I wanted to do. Like take a job and move from my home.
“Georgia?”
I look down as Lily’s hand slips into mine. I’m not doing a very good job of focusing only on Lily, am I? I promised her that I’d take her to the carnival, a rare treat for her, and I’m spending all my time ruminating on the mess of my life, instead.
“Are you okay?” Lily asks.
“I’m fine,” I assure her.
She frowns at me.
“Did you and Dad fight again?” she asks. “Because Dad was really weird yesterday.”
“Weird how?” I ask, interested despite myself.
“Like…” Lily frowns, thinking. “He was happy and sad. I think something good happened, but something bad happened, too. So, did you fight, and that’s why he isn’t coming and why he was sad?”
“We…didn’t fight, exactly,” I try, not quite sure how to explain what happened to a ten-year-old.
Lily pulls her hand from mine suddenly and spins around to face me fully, stopping in the middle of the path. Several people grumble as they’re forced to move around us.
“You’re still going to come around, aren’t you?” Lily asks, looking anxious. “To come
and see me and Dad? We’d miss you if you didn’t!”
I smile genuinely, touched.
“Of course I will,” I say, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Lily’s ear. “I’d miss you guys, too, if I left.”
There’s no way I could leave Lily and Ethan. They’re my home. At some point in the last few years, my dreams have begun and ended with the two of them; I’ll find ways to achieve my goals, but only if I can stay with them.
I reach out and slide my hand into Lily’s again.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise her.
She squeezes my hand back and beams at me. This precious girl is my daughter in all but blood. I wish I had noticed, before now, how everything that’s happened between Ethan and I has affected her. She’s a smart girl; of course she’s realized that things aren’t quite right between the two of us.
“Now, let’s get that cotton candy and check out some rides?” I suggest.
“Yes!” Lily cheers.
She pulls me forward and I follow her, smiling widely, happier now than I had been coming in. Today is for Lily and me.