Then, I realize what I just said.
“Even if I’m falling in love with you, I don’t know if I can just open myself up like that again.”
Oh.
Fuck.
My mind is a mess right now. Between Georgia and Polly, I have no idea what to do or what’s going on. I know I have to figure it out, somehow. Having this conversation with Georgia right now is the first step in dealing with that side of things. We both need to clear the air and put our cards on the table. Somehow, I’m falling for Georgia, but I simply can’t allow it. Georgia is my best friend…and even for her, I’m not sure I can’t put myself in that position again.
Even if there’s a part of me, one that grows stronger every day, that wants to.
But I didn’t mean to tell her that. I stare back at Georgia, all the color draining out of my face. Fuck, what do I do now? What do I say to her?
“Um…” I try.
But no other words come out of my mouth. Shit, the confession slipped out so easily! We had just been talking about Polly, and then
I told her how much it means that we can talk again after she was so mad at me and then…fuck!
Can I take it back? How do I take something like that back? I can say that I didn’t mean it, but that would be a damn lie, and it would probably hurt her. Maybe we can just ignore I ever said that? I mean, even if I am developing feelings for Georgia (or, it seems, discovering feelings that have been there for longer than I knew), I just got through telling her that nothing can come of it because of my own damn insecurities. So, yes, forgetting about all this is definitely the right way to go.
“Can you just…ignore that?” I try. “Pretend I didn’t say it?”
Georgia blinks wildly.
“No,” she says.
I’m taken aback. Wait…what?
“No?” I repeat. “Why not?”
I feel a spark of anger. I’m putting myself on the line here. It should be simple for her to forget that she ever heard that. Nothing can come of it. We just need to put it out of our minds.
Then the anger dies. What right do I have to be angry? Yesterday, I accused Georgia of reading something more into us having sex and tried to “fix” it. But, really, it was me that had read too much into it. If anything, Georgia has the right to be furious at me over this.
“Please?” I try. “I didn’t mean for that to slip out, and nothing can come of it anyway.”
Georgia steps toward me. There’s a strange gleam in her eyes that I don’t recognize. The way she’s walking is almost predatory, and it makes me feel oddly vulnerable. I swallow past the sudden lump in my throat.
“I’m not going to forget it,” she says slowly. “Because I don’t want to.”
“What?” I ask dumbly.
Georgia steps close. I can smell her perfume. If I reach out, I could run my hands down her bare arms. Something tight curls in my gut.
“Lily is in bed, right?” she murmurs.
“Y-yeah,” I say, my mouth dry.
She nods.
“We need to talk,” she says. “Let’s go to your room.”
My room…which has a bed, something that isn’t good right now as several thoughts start going through my head. I clear my throat and try to control my rising interest.
“Can’t we just stay out here?” I ask.
Not that sitting on the hard dining chairs is any better an idea. Last time, we were sitting at the table when we started kissing and groping.