Alicia snorts.
“There’s the excuses again,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“I’m not making any excuses!” I protest.
Except that I am, and we both know it. I’m so terrified of losing Amanda that I’m looking for any excuse I can to hold off on upsetting her so much that she’ll leave me. But the longer I leave it, the more certain it is that she will leave me if she ever hears about this.
I groan. It’s a fucking catch-22, and I don’t think there’s any way, now, for me to win.
“Fine,” I say reluctantly. “I’ll message her and ask to meet up with her. I’d rather speak to her face to face.”
“So she doesn’t stew on it without you there to try and talk her out of being angry?” Alicia asks shrewdly.
“Yeah,” I admit.
It’s better for these sorts of things to be done face to face, anyway. I just want Amanda to know that I’m sincere and that I never meant to hurt her in any way. That the only reason I kept this a secret was because I wanted to get to know her better.
Hopefully she doesn’t believe I was tricking her. That’s the last thing I want her to think.
But…
“What if she thinks it was all a game?” I ask.
“She’ll be more likely to think that if you keep hiding it,” Alicia says severely. She sighs exasperatedly. “Come on, Lyle, where’s that spirit of yours? You’ve spent the last few years standing firm against everyone who tried to get in your way. You’re strong and capable. You want this woman in your life? Then make her understand how much she means to you.”
I stare at Alicia. Slowly, it dawns on me that she’s right. It isn’t like me to behave so cowardly. Normally I will spring forth and chase anything that I want, no matter what, and I’ll usually get it, too. When my father left me this company, I took on the burden and shut down everyone who thought that I wouldn’t make it because I was so young. I’ve more than proved myself capable in every aspect of my life.
Yet now I’m faltering because of Amanda? I should have told her from word go what she meant to me! I should have told her exactly who I am instead of skulking about like I’m ashamed of it. Amanda had the right to know what she was getting into and to make the choice for herself. Instead of allowing her that, I assumed she wouldn’t want anything to do with me if she knew I was her competitor.
It was stupid.
“I think I owe her a huge apology,” I sigh. “As soon as she messages to tell me she’s out of the doctor, I’ll ask to meet up.”
As if on cue, my phone vibrates on the desk. Alicia and I both look at it for a moment, startled, and then I grab it off the top of the desk, tense with anticipation. This is it.
“I’m fine.”
For a moment, I wait, wondering if there’s another message coming in. That message is oddly abrupt.
“What does it say?” Alicia asks, coming around the desk to peer over my shoulder. “Well, she doesn’t sound fine.”
“It’s not just me, then?” I ask. “You think she sounds weird, too?”
“Yeah,” Alicia says.
I frown and type a message back.
“Is everything okay?”
She replies quickly.
“Sorry, just really tired. Heading home.”
“You did say she said she’d been tired a lot lately,” Alicia comments. “Maybe she just really needs to rest.”
“You’re probably right,” I agree.
“Do you want to meet up in a couple of days?” I type back.