Understand what, though? I suddenly scoff and stalk to the kitchen. Maybe later, when I’m not as angry, I can think this through and maybe bring myself to talk to Kyle about it. Right now, though, I’m perfectly okay with not seeing him for a while.
Suddenly, the phone in my hand rings again. Irritated, I look down at it. My eyebrows shoot up at the name on the screen.
Jesse
Of course. Things are already going badly, and he just shows up to make it all so much worse. I scowl and cancel the call. I don’t want to talk to him.
I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Chapter Nineteen
Kyle
It’s strange how heavy I feel as I ride home. If I’m honest, I know why Allison is so angry at me. Even if I meant what I said, I didn’t mean for her to overhear, and I didn’t mean for her to draw some terrible conclusions as a result.
But what do I do about it now? She’s told me to leave her alone, and I have to obey that, even if I don’t want to.
On the other hand, Jesse is still a threat. What am I supposed to do about that? I can’t protect Allison if I’m not there. I also can’t protect her if I’m in jail because she follows through on her threat.
I tighten my grip on my handlebars. There’s very little that I can do right now, and I know that. I wish Allison had allowed me to speak to her, but she was too upset to want to listen to me.
Part of me is, admittedly, hurt by that. Fine, she overheard me say something she didn’t like. So that’s it then? I’m just a fucking murderer that she doesn’t want anywhere near her?
This, I know, is that problem with how fast we moved. We’ve jumped straight into bed three times now and we haven’t taken the time to get to know each other. Maybe Allison wouldn’t have been so shocked if she knew more about me. Maybe I would have been more careful about my thoughts if I had known more about her.
Then again…I think about Jesse and scowl. No, I don’t regret saying that I wish he would disappear. But both Grant and I knew it was stupid. Grant would never have put that word out. I would never want to be a party to murder and, on top of that, I wouldn’t want anyone else to get in trouble for murder, either. At most, Jesse would have gotten the beating of his life. Then he would have been allowed to walk (or hobble) away and live the rest of his life in peace, which is more than the scumbag fucking deserves.
If he died, then I’m not going to shed a tear over him. But I’m not stupid enough to have a direct hand in his murder. I’ve done some shit over my life, but that’s the line I won’t cross.
Except Allison wouldn’t let me explain that. She just kicked me out,
refusing to listen, and now, here I am, stewing about it on my way home, trying to figure out how to get her to hear what I have to say.
In my pocket, my phone beeps with an incoming message. I wonder if it’s Allison and then kick myself. It wouldn’t be. The disgust in her eyes told me all I need to know right now.
Still, it couldn’t be important, so I pull over and open the message. It’s Ethan.
“Haven’t seen you for a while. Lily misses you!”
I consider the message. Maybe going around to play with Lily is just what I need right now. Also, being able to vent to Ethan won’t hurt. I send him a quick message to tell him I’ll be over soon and then stick my phone back in my pocket.
Right now, I need a distraction.
“So, let me get this straight… Allison overhears you saying you won’t care if Jesse gets killed and blows up at you?” Ethan asks, blinking.
“That’s the gist of it,” I say with a yawn.
“That’s tough,” Ethan says sympathetically. “Still, it was pretty stupid of you to say something like that.”
“I was venting,” I say, exasperated. “You and I both know Grant would never have put that message out.”
“Does Allison?” Ethan asks.
I scowl. No, she doesn’t, which is entirely the point.
“Then, when you went to apologize, she asks you if you meant it, and you pretty much tell her that you did,” Ethan continues. “I don’t know what message you’re trying to send her here, but I’m not surprised that she got angry.”
“I do get it,” I say to Ethan. “I know why she got angry. But…” I frown. “You didn’t see that way she looked at me, man. It was like…”