“What?” I ask, taken aback.
“Why would you care?” Jacqui repeats. “I get that you’re up in arms about this whole ‘conspiracy to commit murder’ idea that you’ve got rattling around your head, and I’m not surprised, considering we’re law students and we know this stuff. But if Jesse just never showed his face in front of you again for whatever reason, why would that matter to you? You were perfectly okay with never seeing him again before.”
“Well…” I’m flustered. “Now that I overheard what Kyle was planning…”
“Except Kyle didn’t plan anything,” Jacqui points out. “You just overheard him saying that he didn’t give a damn what anyone who found him did to him. Would you be reacting to same way if Jesse just got a beating and ended up in hospital? If he was just scared away? Yeah, Kyle implied that he didn’t care if Jesse was killed, but I can’t say I care either.”
I purse my lips.
“It’s not the same,” I argue. “What happens if one of Kyle’s friends finds Jesse and they call him up instead of doing anything? Kyle’s probably just as likely to pull the trigger himself!”
“I’m not a killer.”
I grimace at the memory of his pleading voice. I don’t know what he is. I just know that I’ve misjudged him.
“Well, I think you’re being a judgmental bitch right now,” Jacqui says simply when I voice this.
“What?” I gasp.
“Kyle says one thing that you don’t like and you blow up at him and decide that you misjudged him?” Jacqui asks. “You can’t have misjudged him… You didn’t even know him! What, exactly, do you know about him?”
I frown.
“He’s a mechanic,” I say. “He’s part of that Roughshod Rollers club. He has a motorbike. He…”
I trail off.
“Yes?” Jacqui presses.
“He wants to protect me for some reason,” I finish quietly.
Jacqui scoffs.
“And that’s it?” she asks. “So, you decided to judge him based on that limited information. You don’t know what he’s been through, or why this thing with Jesse is hitting him so hard. But that guy has already done a lot for you, regardless.”
I grimace.
“Jacqui, I just…” I sigh. “Overhearing that, it…”
Surprisingly, however, Jacqui sighs, calming down. It surprises me that she would immediately go on defense of Kyle, but I know that she likes him and thinks he’s been good for me in the last week.
“I know,” she says. “But, you know, everyone has a darker part of their personality. Look, if Kyle did actually commit murder, then that would be different. But this is different, you know. He wasn’t even conspiring to murder. He was just saying he didn’t care. Yeah, he probably knows what some of his friends are like, and he probably knows that some of them wouldn’t hesitate to throw Jesse in the river. But, the only thing he’s at fault for is putting out the word that he doesn’t give a damn.”
I know what Jacqui’s saying. But I still can’t agree with it. Maybe she’s right and I jumped the gun; Kyle wasn’t actively saying that he wanted Jesse killed. And, for all I knew, he might just have a morbid sense of humor, which I haven’t yet seen from him, and his friend would have taken what he said with a grain of salt.
But I also know that Kyle was serious about wanting Jesse out of my life, no matter how it happens. He is completely okay with Jesse disappearing and never knowing why.
Maybe I would have been okay with that too, until I heard that. Now, if Jesse does disappear, what am I supposed to think?
“I think I need to think about this a little more,” I say to Jacqui.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jacqui says with a sigh. “And, Allison? I do get it, I know. I know you feel a little betrayed right now, and that you’re trying to figure out if you’ve let some crazy murderer into your life. But I think you should actually talk to Kyle before you make any decisions.”
“Maybe,” I say quietly. “I’ll see you in class, Jacqui.”
“See you,” Jacqui sighs.
I hang up the phone and stare at it. Jacqui’s words and Kyle’s words are tussling for space in my mind. And I can’t get that pleading look Kyle had given me out of my head, as though he was begging me to understand.