“What are best friends for?” Leanne joked. “So things are going well around the office, though? Daniel isn’t overworking you, is he?”
I shrugged again. “To be honest, he tries to get me to go home earlier than him most times. But I don’t want him to be the last person in the office every night. I think he gets that now, so he’s actually started to leave a bit earlier, too. It’s probably better for both of us that way.”
“Definitely sounds like it,” Leanne said, nodding. “And as long as you like the work, I guess it’s not such a bad thing. Just make sure you take some time for fun as well.”
“We do,” I told her, smiling. To be honest, things with Daniel were so much fun. More so than I could ever have imagined. We could spend hours together just doing nothing, just chatting, and it never got old. I wanted to tell her all about the trip that Daniel had hinted at, but I wanted to wait until I had more solid information about it first.
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe Daniel when he said that he wanted to take me away somewhere with him, that he wanted to show me the world. But I knew that arranging time off for the both of us would be problematic logistically, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case he determined that it was impossible for us. I knew just how important his business was for him, and I didn’t want to put any sort of pressure on him.
“So what’s new with you?” I asked Leanne to change the subject slightly.
Leanne shrugged, taking another sip of her drink. “Well, actually, Matt and I are thinking about trying for another baby,” she said casually.
I gaped at her. “Leanne!” I exclaimed. “That’s amazing. Any luck yet?”
Leanne shook her head. “We’re still mostly just thinking about it,” she admitted. “But I’m pretty sure we’re going to go for it. We both always thought that three was the perfect number. And now that Layla is old enough that we don’t have to worry about her so much, I guess it just seems like the perfect time to have another one.” She wrinkled her nose. “Of course, I’ve finally given away all the baby things and gotten used to not having to change diapers anymore.”
I laughed and shook my head as well. “You know that as soon as you have a new bundle of joy, you’ll forget all about the bad parts,” I reminded her. “Or at least, if you don’t forget about them, you’ll realize that it’s all worth it in the end.”
Leanne smiled. “That, I know,” she said. “It’s all worth it in the end.”
“I mean, you already have two perfect little angels,” I added. “You seem to know what you’re doing, at least.”
Leanne snorted. “To be honest, I don’t think you ever really feel like you know what you’re doing as a parent. But somehow, everything seems to work itself out. Or at least, that’s my experience with it.”
I giggled. “Well, I look forward to having a new little niece or nephew, if you do decide to go for it,” I told her.
“You look forward to spoiling the little one!” Leanne joked, and I had to laugh. “And what about you?” she asked. “Do you think you’ll ever give me a little niece or nephew to spoil?”
I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t know, Leanne.”
Leanne raised an eyebrow at me. “You don’t know?” she echoed. “That’s at least a change from the straight up ‘no’ you always said before.”
I smiled at her. “It is a change,” I allowed. “And I don’t know if I’ll ever actually go through with it. But that night that Daniel and you guys and the kids and I all had dinner together, I was just watching him there at the table with them, imagining what it would be like if he and I had a family to have family dinners with. I don’t know.”
Leanne smiled. “That’s how it starts,” she warned me. We both laughed. “And what about Daniel?” she asked. “Have you talked to him about it? Having kids?”
I shook my head. “Not yet,” I admitted. “As you know, things haven’t been easy between the two of us. There’s been a lot of drama. I didn’t want to rush things.”
“These are conversations that you guys need to have,” Leanne reminded me.
“I know,” I said. “I just don’t want to scare him off or anything.”
“Do you really think you would?” Leanne asked exasperatedly. “You’ve seen him with Zach and Layla. The guy is wonderful with them. And you know I don’t say that about a lot of people.”
I laughed. “I know,” I said again. I sighed. “I guess what I’m really worried about is just getting in over my head. Even further than I already am. You know, I really like this guy. Love him, even. And he said that he loves me, too, but all the same, I’m just worried.”
“Wait, back up a minute,” Leanne said, holding up both hands. “He said he loves you?”
I blushed and nodded. “Yeah,” I admitted. “It was the night he came over to your guys’ place. When he and I had been fighting. He told me he never should have treated a woman he loves the way he treated me.”
“Aww, that’s so cute,” Leanne said, smiling at me. “So if he loves you, why are you so worried? At least it sounds like the two of you are on the same page, even if you haven’t been dating so long. Or are you still afraid that things with the media could get difficult?”
“It’s not that,” I said, shaking my head. “And I know that this isn’t fair to him. But I’m just worried that one day either Daniel is going to do something that makes me realize he really has been an ass all along, or else he’s going to get sick of me or something. You know I don’t have the greatest track record with guys.”
It sounded so self-deprecating just to say it out loud like that. It wasn’t like I had self-esteem issues, not really. But I really was worried that somehow, things with Daniel and I were going to fizzle out eventually. I didn’t want to get too attached to him if that was the case.
“It’s just, every time that I start making plans for the future, I check myself,” I explained to Leanne before she could say anything. “Because I know that that’s the worst part of any breakup: having those plans for the future that you made with the other person and realizing that none of those things are actually going to happen now, or that you can never do certain things again without thinking about them."