“Yes, it was. She’d still be here if I’d just been stronger. I could’ve saved her.” He blames himself some more.
“No, that’s the thing, you couldn’t have. You were a kid, Haze.” I lift his chin up with my right hand. “None of this is your fault. None of it.”
He doesn’t argue with me, even though he clearly wants to, and stares in silence like he’s having an awakening. Then, after a few seconds, he speaks.
“I love you so much.”
I don’t say it back. I smile through the pain and let my body do the talking. I push the void between us aside and kiss him like I’ll never get a chance to taste his lips again. I want him to know how much what he just did means to me. His mouth recognizes mine as he circles my wrist and pulls me on top of him to deepen the kiss. My legs fall on both side of his body while his fingers venture into my hair. His hands clinging to my waist make me feel like an addict relapsing after working so hard to get clean. He’s a drug, and deep down I know… I could spend the rest of my life trying to get sober from Haze Adams.
His fingers wriggle under my shirt and dig into the hollow of my hips. If we keep this up, this will end the same way the dream I had this morning did.
He whispers against my mouth. “Does that mean that we’re back together?”
“I don’t know. Does it?” I say, unbuttoning his shirt.
He knows we’re back together. This isn’t even a question. My hands slip on his bare torso and trace the definition of his stomach. They curve around his muscular body, roaming downward and stopping right above his belt. I rest my fingers on the buckle and analyze his expression carefully.
Are we doing this?
He gives me the green light by pushing my head back to his and kissing me again.
We’re interrupted by his phone ringing.
He scoops it up, takes a quick peek at the screen, and declines the call, but it immediately rings again. He curses and presses the Decline button once more. He goes back in for a kiss but—big surprise—it rings for a third time.
“It’s one of my guys. It must be important.” He sighs and I nod in disappointment. I start to move off his lap, but he grips my hips and presses me down onto him. “Don’t. It shouldn’t be too long.” He strokes my bare arm.
He picks up.
“What?” he snaps.
I can’t hear what’s being said on the other end.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he growls, obviously not pleased with the news he’s getting. “I told you, I’m off to try and fix things with the North side.”
So that’s the ridiculous excuse he had to come up with for them to let him go…
“I’m not with her. How many times am I going to have to say it?”
They’re onto him. They know something’s going on. He won’t be able to keep lying for long.
“What? Trev, hold on, slow down.”
This makes me realize that I don’t know anything about his fighters. He never brings them up.
“Okay, damn! I heard you.”
He hangs up, throws his phone on the couch, and curses.
“Let me guess, you have to go,” I say.
“I’m sorry. Trust me, you have no idea how much I’d rather stay and strip you naked right now.” He tightens his grasp on my waist for a second, fighting himself. Then, he curses and takes his hands off me. “I’ll get you a cab. We can’t risk them seeing us together. They’re way too suspicious.”
I shift away from him.
“So what if they find out about us? What are they going to do? Kill me?” I joke, but Haze doesn’t laugh, which tells me that this is a lot more serious than I thought.