Luli kept trying to bring them closer with lovemaking and it worked temporarily, but always made the separation afterward more painful than if they’d maintained their individuality in the first place.
It was becoming clear to her that his prediction was true. She wanted his love and he couldn’t offer it. It was agony to be denied his heart and for that reason, she had to begin building the life she would have when their marriage was over. At least a demanding schedule of working away would give her some distance from the pain and provide an excuse for the inevitable publicity when the time came.
“I’ve decided to take the job in Milan,” she told him as they dressed to go to a Broadway premiere.
She saw his hand check as he reached for a shirt on a hanger. He wore only a towel. His lean back was a study in animal beauty, flaring upward from his hips to wide shoulders and muscles that twisted as he pulled the shirt free.
“I’ll leave Saturday morning so I’m well rested and ready to work on Monday.”
Please tell me not to go, she silently pleaded. Tell me you can’t live without me.
“You’re not flying commercial.”
“First class. They’re paying for Marco to go with me.” Among Marco’s many talents, she had learned he also ensured her physical safety. Gabriel had never been a target for kidnapping or other threats, but given his position, he took precautions. She and Marco were becoming friends so she didn’t mind that he was her constant companion when Gabriel wasn’t with her.
“Take the jet.”
At a million dollars per nautical mile?
“They’ve already made the arrangements. There’s no reason you should be out of pocket.”
“I don’t care about the money.”
“What do you care about?” she blurted, and regretted it immediately.
Especially when he dragged in a breath that hissed.
“What do you want me to say, Luli? You’ve put me in a no-win situation. If I ask you not to work, I’m holding you back. If I let you go, I’m abandoning you.”
“It is a win for you, though,” she insisted with a spark of temper. “You didn’t want me in the first place. I’m leaving, giving you the solitude you prefer and you’re not even thanking me.” Her voice started to break.
She walked out of the closet and strode down the hall to her room. She might sleep in his bed, but all her clothes were in here. Not even her dental floss had made it into his treasured private space.
“I told you,” he said, following her to brace his arms in the open doorway of her room. “I told you this was how it would be.”
“Yes, you tried to be so honorable and save me from my silly romantic notions that you might actually come to care for me.” She took a shaky breath and flipped her hair back behind her shoulder. “You’re right, okay? It is painful to have feelings for someone. No matter how loved you make me feel when we’re in bed, the pain comes back afterward when I remember you don’t. That’s why I’m leaving. And I’ll take every job they will throw at me to keep from coming back here and...wishing.”
“Luli—” He hung his head.
“Don’t worry about it, Gabriel. You can’t make someone love you. I accepted that a long time ago. But I do have to stop trying.” She swallowed. “I’d rather not go out if you don’t mind. I’m going to have a bath and an early night.” She locked herself into the bathroom.
* * *
He stirred, aching with arousal, and reached for her.
She wasn’t here.
Gabriel snapped awake and groaned like an injured animal, wondering how he was going to cope with even one more day of this. It had been six and he was dying.
Withering.
It wasn’t just sexual hunger, although he missed the physical release. Everything about the act. Everything about her. He missed her—the feel of her skin against his own, her weight on the mattress beside him, her smile across the table and her laughter echoing from far down a hall.
You can’t make someone love you. But I do have to stop trying.
The anguish that had gripped him as she said that had been nearly unbearable. He didn’t want her to stop trying. Did she think he didn’t notice when she stroked her fingers across his shoulders, simply because she was passing behind where he was seated? Or that she wore those damned earrings at the most ridiculous times, most certainly to get the best possible rise out of him? She flirted and cuddled and kept him on his toes.