“Why did you let me? I don’t understand what you want from me,” she said with a throb in her voice. “Am I a white elephant, more curse than blessing? A pretty adornment for your arm? Am I supposed to sleep with you because you saved me? Because we’re married?”
“One way or another, you were going to save yourself. We both know that, Luli.” His voice was firm and strong, if a shade rueful. “All I’m doing is adding accelerant.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a riddle. I enjoy puzzles.”
“I want to be a woman. My own woman,” she said, soft and fierce.
But she was realizing that leaving Mae’s house and building a new, independent life were two very different things. There was a wide chasm that had to be bridged and she didn’t have the skills or resources to do it.
He sighed. “If I see you as a woman, I’ll want to sleep with you.”
She hugged herself and rubbed her arms, even though she wasn’t cold. In fact, she grew warm. Empty in a way that longed for him to hold her and kiss her and fill her with all those sensations that made the world a magical place.
“What’s so bad about that?”
“You said you were saving your virginity,” he reminded. “For who?”
“I don’t know. You? You’re supposed to wait, aren’t you? For your wedding night?”
A long, tense silence.
“I haven’t,” he finally stated.
She sighed, admitting heavily, “I thought it might mean something to whoever it was. Have value. Maybe even if I was desperate—”
“Your virginity is not a commodity, Luli,” he cut in sharply. “Your body isn’t. Save yourself for a relationship that matters. Someone special.”
“So you don’t...” She swallowed. “Want me? Because I’m a virgin?”
“Have you looked in a mirror? Of course I want you. I’m saying don’t have sex with the first man you marry.”
She choked on a laugh, recognizing it as a joke, but they were married.
“You talked about becoming a trophy wife and that led me to believe you were experienced. Given that you’re not...” His voice became tight with reluctant honor. “I don’t know that we should go there. You would want what every woman eventually asks for and I can’t give you that.”
“Children? I don’t want them. Not for a long time, if ever. That’s totally fine if you can’t make them.”
Another pointed silence, then a husk of a laugh.
“I was going to say love, but you continue to confound me.” He straightened and leaned his hip against the low wall. “Why don’t you want children?”
“I can’t even take care of myself!” She waved a helpless hand through the air.
“You’re so blind.” He reached out and gave a tendril of her hair a small tug. “My grandmother employed two hundred people directly, not to mention the ten or so thousand who work for companies in which she invests. Who looks after all of them? Her? No.”
“That was with her money and resources. I don’t even have pajamas. I’ll be sleeping in the clothes you gave me on the airplane.” She wondered where they were.
Wondered why he couldn’t love her. Far above Paris and freedom and all the other fantasies she had ever had was the dream that one day she would be loved. Was she not worthy of such a thing? Why not?
“Silly girl,” he said. “You have six cases of ready-to-wear in the guest room. Didn’t you hear the bell when the concierge delivered them?”
“What bell? Six? Gabriel, I can’t!”
“Don’t start hyperventilating again. Come on. I want to show you something. You’ll like it.” He took her hand in his warm one and drew her inside.
Her heels clicked on the herringbone pattern in the parquet floor of the hall. The penthouse was bigger than the bottom floor of Mae’s sprawling mansion, but this was located atop a skyscraper. It was modern, but filled with old-world touches in the wainscoting and crown moldings. A castle in the sky.
“Your room,” he said, pushing open a door into a darkened room where a half dozen suitcases stood at the foot of a wide bed. “But come into mine.”