I didn’t contact him though, even if it killed me not to. While he was in Afghanistan, I couldn’t contact him. Not right away, at least, and it made things a little easier. But now, he was here—within spitting distance. It was a lot harder to resist him when he was so close. I actually thought about morphing into my teenage self and star sixty-nineing his number a thousand times just to hear his voice, but I didn’t.
My armor had slipped away the second I got away from Ember’s party. After texting JoJo that I was fine (total lie), I bawled my eyes out and if you must know, it wasn’t over a pint of ice-cream…instead it was over an entire gallon.
So, what? I turned into one of those girls. Whatever.
It didn’t last long, though. I’d worked three shifts this past week and I was beat. Even now, standing here at work. I was exhausted mentally and physically, but that didn’t really matter when you were a nurse. You were supposed to be the strong one in the hospital. You were supposed to be positive and caring, and that’s exactly what I was doing.
I acted like I was happy as a clam, positivity pouring out of me.
“Cammie, someone’s asking for you over at the nurse’s station.”
I turned my head toward Jenny, one of the best nurses on our floor. Her cheeks were a shade pinker than normal, which had me puzzled.
“Who is it?” I asked, curiosity and dread filling my voice.
She got even redder. “I’m not supposed to say…”
I ground my teeth just as my pulse started to quicken. “Tell him to go away.”
I knew exactly who it was. Was he serious? Radio silence all week and then he came here! To do what? Make a statement?
“He won’t go away. I tried and he’s really hot and it makes me nervous.”
A laugh bubbled up inside me. It wasn’t the right time to laugh, but my life was just that fucking funny.
I walked around the corner of the brightly lit hallway and my eyes found him within half a second. He was sitting in one of the waiting chairs, wearing jeans and a faded t-shirt. He stared directly at me and I swore even from several yards away, I could still see the twinkle in his eyes.
I walked slowly towards him, adjusting my scrub top and praying that this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it was going to be.
“What are you doing here?” I let out an annoyed sigh, feeling a bit light-headed, and waited for a justifiable excuse.
“Just felt like coming back to the place we first met.”
He stood as he said this and my leg itched to kick him.
“I just knew you couldn’t avoid me here.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What do you want? I’m working.”
I could sense Becky staring at us from her little spot behind the desk.
“I came here to talk to you. You didn’t really let me explain much the other night.”
I retorted, “There is nothing to explain, Luke.”
“But you don’t believe me, and I hate that.”
I let out a sigh. “I do believe you, Luke.” He looked surprised and relieved all at once, but I was about to shoot him down. “It just…doesn’t change anything.” I looked down, staring at the tiled floor. “There had to be an end to us eventually. It was never even supposed to happen.”
He stood in front of me and I raised my chin to stare at him.
“But it did happen.”
“And now it’s over.”
Was I doing the right thing? If what I was doing was right, then my heart probably wouldn’t be thumping this hard in my chest and it probably wouldn’t be physically painful to look at Luke in this state.