My face stayed even and my eyes stayed dry. I didn’t want to give away too much emotion. I wasn’t very tough on the inside, but at least I could be tough on the outside.
Luke stood on the sidewalk, scanning my face, no doubt trying to come up with a justifiable excuse.
“When do you leave?” I asked with such a coldness in my tone that it even surprised me. His jaw visibly clenched.
He croaked, “Two days,” and then he looked away. He knew this would be an issue for me, regardless of whether we slept together or not. I considered him a big part of my life and now that I had officially recognized that he had weaseled his way into my heart, I was doomed.
I laughed loudly and it sounded just as sarcastic as I’d hoped.
“Don’t act like that, Cammie.” He propped his hands up his on hips, just below his dark t-shirt.
I spanned my arms out wide, not giving two shits if the neighbors were about to watch us throw down, because that’s exactly what we were going to do.
“Don’t act like what? Mad that you fucked me senseless THREE times, and then failed to tell me you were leaving for a deployment in TWO days?” I propped my hands on my hips, feeling the anger form all around me.
“How could you? How could you not tell me, for starters, and then act like nothing was wrong the last two days? What the hell, Luke!” I was full-on yelling now. Even the birds were listening in the trees, munching on popcorn, enjoying our little daytime drama.
Luke rolled his eyes and I could sense the irritation rolling off his shoulders. “I hardly thought it mattered. You were the one who pointed out that it was,” he took his fingers and made air quotes, “a one-time thing.”
I rolled my eyes right back at him. “Cut the bull-shit, Luke. We both knew it wasn’t a one-time thing. Plus, we kind of abolished that yesterday when we made it a three-time thing!”
He groaned, taking his hands and rubbing his face harshly, “Well…”
I put my hand up to shush him. “Why would you do that?” My voice came out weak and I could feel the anger slowly slipping away, and we all know what comes after anger: pain.
“I’ve had some other things on my mind, Cammie.”
I stepped back, pushing my arms out questioningly. “Like what?” My eyebrows furrowed, expecting to hear some elaborate answer.
“Just stuff…”
I laughed again, harsher this time. “Oh, great. Now we’re being cryptic. Whatever, Luke.”
I started to walk away (okay, I stomped away like a three-year-old) and he called after me, “Cammie, come on.”
I spun around quick, finding him on my heels. “There is no ‘Cammie, come on,’ leave me alone, Luke. After all, it hardly matters, right?” I threw his words right back at him and I saw a glimpse of pain through those light green eyes.
I hoped he felt just as betrayed as I did.
I ran up my steps and through my front door and slammed it shut, rattling the picture frames along my wall.
Luke yelled through the door, “So this is how we’re going to leave things? Like this?”
I yelled right back, nose touching the door. “Yep!” Then I turned around and rested my back on the door, sliding myself slowly to the cool floor, willing the tears to stay away.
His voice was softer now, hurt, even. “I’m sorry, Cammie. I should have told you sooner.”
I sniffled, pushing myself off the floor and walking all the way to my bedroom. I glanced at the photo of Alex on my dresser before collapsing onto my bed and crying my eyes out.
The sucky thing was, I had no one to blame but myself.
Nineteen
The night passed without another peep from Luke. I wasn’t falling into his trap again. If he wanted to act like our little cat-and-mouse relationship meant nothing to him, or that “it hardly mattered,” then I would do the same.
I didn’t leave my house once last night, and then today I crawled into the kitchen on my hands and knees so I wouldn’t be tempted to look through the window right across from his.
No. I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t fall for his shit again. He was leaving, anyway. There was no point. Right?