“I was on a deployment before I got stationed here. Did you know that?”
I nodded my head as he took a seat between me and the jar full of grape jelly.
“I came home early from the deployment because of a situation I was in.”
Luke adjusted himself on the bench, squeezing his fists together so tightly that I could see the white of his knuckles. Our only light came from the corner street lamp a few yards away, and I almost wished it was turned off. Sometimes the dark made it easier to talk about difficult things. It felt like a security blanket. Like no one could touch you.
“I was out on a mission with three other guys. One of them was my good friend, Zach. We were goofing off, just patrolling the borders. Things weren’t really bad near our camp. It was always worse for the guys who went out in the Humvees. That’s why when the bullets started flying our way, we were shocked.”
I wanted to move closer to him, but the way his voice seemed so far away, even though we were only a foot apart, made me stay put. I didn’t want to disrupt the recollection of the memories he was digging into.
“It happened so fast, and I think about it constantly. Like it’s on replay.” He paused for a few seconds. “I yelled at the guys to get down, but as soon as I dropped to the ground, I saw the blood.”
Images flew throughout my brain…scary, gory, bloody images. Like the ones I’d seen in my high school history textbooks. Luke stopped talking, and after I got the images out of my head, I finally gathered the nerve to ask, “Whose blood?”
He looked over at me, shocked, like he couldn’t believe that I was sitting here listening to him. He bit his lip, showing off his bright white teeth and said, “Zach’s. He jumped right in front of the bullet that was headed for me.”
My heart ached. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I was quick to blink them away. I moved the jelly over to my other side and climbed right into his lap. One of his arms wrapped around my waist; the other draped over my lap. I cuddled his head onto my chest and gave his forehead a quick kiss, savoring the smell of his shampoo.
“I wanted it to be me.”
I was quick to reply. “Don’t say that, Luke.”
His arm squeezed me tighter. I had to fight the feeling of lust as he pulled my body closer to his.
“But, I wanted it to be me. I wished it had been.”
I pulled back, putting my hand under his strong chin to look up at me. “Why would you say that?” I searched the entirety of his face and watched as several emotions moved almost imperceptibly across his eyes.
“I—” He looked away. “I had just got some bad news the day before, and in that moment, I hated him for taking the bullet for me. It should have been me. It would have made things a lot easier, Cammie.”
His voice lowered at the end, and an unfathomable amount of hurt and anguish hit me. I hated what he had said, especially because Alex took the blunt of an IED to save others, and as much as I wanted him back home with me, I recognized that what he did was selfless and so incredibly brave. If I ever heard one of those men, who he had saved a year ago say that he wished it had been him…I would want to smack him. I would want to shake him and tell him that Alex died so he could live on and do the things that this world needed them to do. The world needed those men for some reason, and they had better not waste their time wishing about things they couldn’t change.
“Let me ask you something,” I said, voice full of courage. He looked at me quickly, eyes squinting. “Have you saved anyone, since then? Or done something to prevent someone else from getting hurt?”
Luke’s mouth dropped a little, and I watched his gaze scan over the old bricks lying on the ground.
He finally answered, “Yes.”
I whispered, “Have you ever thought that Zach died, only for you to be able to save someone else?”
I saw the understanding form on his face. It looked as if relief washed over him just like a downpour in the middle of summer.
If only I had the courage to ask him what news he’d gotten that made him want the bullet to hit him instead of his friend. But I didn’t have that much courage. No way.
When my gaze made its way back to
his, I saw him blink once.
Then twice.
Then three times.
Then…he looked right at my lips longingly, and heat blared from down below. I had the urge to squeeze my legs together and place my lips on his. But I didn’t. I stayed completely unmoving, afraid that if I did move, I’d do something that I’d regret later down the road.
He must have had the same thought, because he looked away quickly, shaking his head.
I climbed off his lap, desperate to change the suffocating tension around us. I placed my hands on my hips and with an ornery smile plastered on my face, I asked, “Are you ready to go prank the ass who cheated on me?”