“Sadie… ” I look up at him and meet the worry forming on his face. His forehead is scrunched, and I see the hollowness under his eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?” There’s almost no hope in his voice and it makes my stomach knot up.
“That depends, Rowen… ” I look out the windshield and hear the rumble of my car’s engine. “Do you want to be forgiven?”
He doesn’t answer, so I put my car in reverse and back out of my parking spot, giving him one last glance. Pain is all I see.
Eight
My parents are beaming with at fact that I’m going to the downtown music festival with Hannah Marie and Anna. I mean, like, they were basically jumping for joy that I was actually hanging out with friends. Real, live friends.
“Have fun, honey! And be careful.” My mom gives me a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. I shake my head a little as a grin forms on my face. It’s refreshing to be back in my old stomping grounds without feeling like I’m going to shatter at someone’s look.
When I step outside, I’m greeted by the simmering sunshine. The humidity in the air has already put a wave in my freshly straightened hair. I decided to think outside the box today and dress a little less homely than I have been this past year. I used to use clothes as a shield, just like with my long hair, but today, I decided that I’m done with that. I’m done with feeling guarded. It may have something to do with the small interactions that Rowen and I have been having. I feel a little less… trapped.
I adjust my black floral maxi skirt so it’s straight on my hips. It has a long slit going up the side, so it actually shows off my legs… ooh la la. I paired it with a white tank top that shows some of my midriff, and I finally dug out my old sunhat from two summers ago. I have to admit, I actually look pretty good. I look like my normal self: the old Sadie. She may be a little rusty, but she’s still in here somewhere.
“Holy shit! Look at you! Hot mama!” Anna runs out of the car and throws her bare arms around my neck. “I’ve missed you so much, Sadie!” I manage a choking laugh as she basically traps all of my air with her death grip.
“I’ve missed you, too, Anna.” I say as she finally lets go of me. I still feel the clawing of guilt from shutting them out of my life working up my back, but I ignore it. I don’t want to ruin the day with my depressed feelings.
Anna drags me back to Hannah’s jeep. “We have loads to catch up on… ” I raise my eyebrows, preparing myself for a ton of gossip.
Chris Stapleton’s voice booms from the makeshift wooden stage in the town square, and I can’t help but feel at ease. His voice echoes around my tiny body and I find myself actually having a good time. I honestly forgot how much fun Anna and Hannah Marie are. They’re hilarious and two peas in a pod, even more so now that they’ve been to college together for an entire year.
“Want some?” I look over to my right and Hannah is sipping from her sparkling pink flask. I tilt my head to the side and give her a tiny nod. I don’t really drink a whole lot, especially because I’m not even twenty-one, but I did drink some at Duke and it was always a nice, blissful feeling.
Before the attack, Rowen, Samantha, and I would always sneak her mom’s Seagram wine coolers from the fridge and chug them. We would then, out of extremely poor judgment, jump on her trampoline in her gigantic backyard. It was fun, until that time I jumped so much that I puked in her rose bush. Rowen held my hair back and I was so embarrassed, chanting that I’d never drink again. Expectedly, that didn’t’ last long.
I take a sip from the flask and my throat burns as the liquid flows down it. I basically cough up a lung and realize that it’s Vodka, and it’s disgusting. I’m more of a Vodka and orange juice type of girl. I don’t just sip straight Vodka. I cough and sputter even louder as the liquid burns my stomach.
“Jesus, Hannah. What have you gotten into since college? Die-hard Vodka drinker now?” I gasp through my blurry eyes.
She giggles, “No, but Anna and I definitely had a field day at the frat parties.”
Hannah and Anna both go to NC State, which is actually really close to Duke. It’s kind of pitiful that we never got together the entire year we were at college. We exchanged texts and said we’d hang out, but we never did. I was too caged up in my own dramatic state.
“So, how was Duke? Did you like it? Meet any hotties?” Anna asks after taking a rather large gulp from the glittery flask, shimmering in the sun.
“Duke was… perfect.” A smile overtakes my face, “But, no, my roommate and I both wanted to be single and have fun our freshman year and not be tied down by any guys.” They nod in sync.
“So… we heard that you and Rowen are working together.” I roll my eyes. But I have to admit, it took them longer than I expected to bring him up.
“Does everyone know?” They look at each other, and then back at me, nodding as they held in a laugh.
I growl, “Of course they do.” Situating myself in the grass, I say, “I’m not going to lie; its awkward working with him, but I’m adjusting.” And that’s the truth. I’ll leave out the rest, though.
“We haven’t seen Rowen since Kevin’s end-of-the-year party last summer, and let me tell you what… ” Hannah shakes her head, fixating her gaze on the stage up ahead. “You missed one epic showdown between him and Samantha.”
I physically cringe at Samantha’s name and the fact that her name was in the same sentence as Rowen’s. I sa
y nothing and Hannah carries on with her story.
“I don’t know exactly what happened with you and Samantha, but consider yourself lucky that you’re not friends anymore.” That would be one word to describe her.
Not wanting to sound too eager, I calmly ask, “What happened with Rowen and Samantha?” I would probably know if I had a social media account, but I deleted it soon after Rowen and I stopped talking. I didn’t want to become obsessed with checking what he was into, and honestly, I didn’t want to see those annoyingly happy, magazine-worthy pictures of him and Samantha together. It would take me straight to the freaking grave.
Hannah Marie sat up straight, crossing her legs. “Okay, okay, okay. Well, Samantha was standing in the kitchen, you know the big fancy one in Kevin’s pool house?” She didn’t wait for me to answer, “Well, she was blasting off about how Rowen left you for her, and they were just taking things slow since the whole… ya know, and they didn’t want to rub it in your face.” A smile forms on Hannah’s lips as she tells Anna to take over.
I whip my head quickly at Anna, anxiously wanting her to get on with the story. “Hannah and I both knew she was full of shit and there had to be more of the story, but we still sat there and listened to her basically describe how shitty of a friend she was, and then… ” She pauses, grinning evilly. “Rowen flipped. His. Shit.” She looks over at me with her wide, brown eyes and all I can feel is my heart beating so fast I think it’s going to fly out of my ribcage.