“Damn straight they are! I’m hot.”
I chuckle again, throwing my arm around her shoulders to loosen up her tense posture. “I’m sorry, but I just have to say it… “scissor sisters” is a hilarious name.”
Sarah turns her head towards me, her red hair skimming my arm, and breaks into a huge grin. I let out a forced laugh before Kyle grabs my attention.
“Uh, Rowen?” Kyle says from a few feet away from me. I look over at him, waiting for him to say something snarky about my attitude, but his mouth is wide open, staring across the student lot.
When my eyes find her, I stop dead in my tracks. I take a gulp of air as I see Sadie’s tiny tanned frame basically dive into her driver’s seat.
My heart beats like a fucking boombox in my chest as I drop my arm from Sarah’s shoulders, ignoring her question about what’s going on and take off like my life depends on it. My legs are striding further apart than they ever have, but I keep pushing to get to her. I almost can’t believe my eyes. I almost can’t believe she’s here. She’s here at UNC.
Just as I reach the curb, I stop. Sadie’s in her car and yelling her name seems to only make her go faster. Before I know it, she’s backing up quickly, almost mowing down a student and then speeding off into the distance. I reach my hands up and place them on my head. No. This isn’t happening. Go after her. Make her believe you fucking love her! I take off in the opposite direction, reaching into my jingling pocket and fetch my keys. I jump in my truck so fast I don’t even get the door shut. I drive with one hand and dial her number with the other. My fingers trembling along the touchscreen and when she ignores my call for the third time, I press my foot as hard as it’ll go on the accelerator. She’s not getting away this time; she came here for a reason and I’m going to be that reason. I have to be that reason. I just fucking have to.
SADIE
The second I park my car in the student lot, I whip the sun-visor down to make sure I don’t look as nervous as I feel. I wipe the tear-smudged mascara away from my eyes, run my fingers through my long hair, and lick my lips, giving myself one last nod.
When I step out of the car, I realize that I have no freaking idea where he is in this moment. But, I would search every single classroom, every single dorm room.
Every.
Square.
Inch.
Of this campus until I found him, ripped my heart out and handed it to him, blood dripping and all. I needed to do this. I needed him. I need Rowen.
I’m not sure if it was fate laughing at me, or if the world really is this freaking wicked, but it was like there were a thousand neon lights with arrows pointing down at his chestnut brown hair, walking casually across the sidewalk with a group of friends. My heart consticts in my chest as I take one step towards him before my heart stops beating altogether.
There is Rowen. There is my Rowen, standing there with his arm wrapped around a tall redhead’s shoulders. He is wearing a maroon t-shirt, throwing his head back, laughing. I bet if I listen hard enough, I can hear that melodic voice through the crowded murmurs of students walking to and from classes but I don’t. Instead, I gasp out loud, using my one hand to cover my mouth while the other clenches at my churning stomach.
I’m too late. I’m. Too. Late. He’s moved on. He’s… happy. I almost can’t take it, I almost can’t stand here watching his life unfold, but I do. I stand here and watch because if there’s one thing that will keep me alive in this moment, it’s the fact that he’s happy.
I take one step backward, then another, and another, my eyes never wavering, until I’m right at my car door. I watch him cross the emerald green grass to get to the parking lot, taking my soul with him. I can tell it was Kyle walking beside him, holding a petite blonde’s hand, and then his eyes land on me. Kyle’s boyish face has never looked so confused and at alert until then.
I knew I was caught. My eyes widen and I duck into the driver’s seat of my car, welcoming my Hawaiian air freshener. My window is down so I hear Kyle yell my name, but I ignore it because if Kyle saw me, then Rowen did, too. Now, I’m just stuck. Do I stay and make up an excuse? I can’t ruin his happiness now. It means so much more to me than my own; I close my eyes at the thought and give my head a sharp shake. That’s how you know you truly love someone, ya know? Putting their happiness before your own, even if you feel like you are literally dying right there, in that very second.
“Sadie!” Rowen’s voice cuts straight through me and the tears come right after the slice.
“Sadie! Wait!” Slice. Slice. Slice. He is frantic and out of breath but that doesn’t stop me from turning my key and backing the hell out of there. I back out so fast that I almost hit another college student. I hear them yell and just as I look back to make sure they are still alive, I see Rowen running full speed at my car, hair blown back and everything.
Keep going, don’t let him see how much this is killing you. He’s happy. He’s happy, just go.
So that’s what I did. I went.
My phone is already vibrating frantically in my cup holder and I know it’s Rowen, but I ignore it. I ignore it as I head straight for the highway. I am damn close to the freeway when my phone starts up again. He is going to make this hard. Why is everything just so hard?
I shove my foot down on the accelerator, as if making my car move faster is going to make Rowen stop calling me. Like it’s going to make everything better. I should have known that running away from my problems wouldn’t work—it never has before; I should have known the second I heard the squealing tires that I messed up… in more ways than one. I should have known. I should have freaking known.
The angry pain right after the loudest noise that I have ever heard, except for that eerie gun-shot I heard years ago, hits me like a ton of crumbling bricks. I knew something was wrong when I heard the outside shouts, glass crunching, and loud screaming coming from my own mouth. I look down in front of me and the only thing I see is something that resembls a big white fully down pillow, so I do what anyone else would have done; I let my head hang low enough to rest against it and I pretend that everything is fine. Even though, it isn’t.
ROWEN
I think I’ve died. Everything feels so out of reach to me, yet I can touch everything in sight. The muscle that thumps in my chest hurts with every single beat. The last three hours have moved so fast but so slow at the same time.
When I finally caught up to Sadie’s car, I saw it on the side of the highway. The front was smashed in, the silver color that always shined so bright in the sun was tarnished, and the windshield was cracked. I pulled over so quickly that my tires squealed in response. I ran over to her car and saw her limp body being pulled out, and I almost passed out. I swear to God I saw black spots in my vision. But then things moved even faster and I had no time to faint. I fought the EMT workers so hard that I almost smashed one of their faces in. They finally let me in the ambulance with her.
She was awake for a little while, confused. Disoriented. Agitated. Her little body thrashi