Kyle chuckles, “Okay, but what does she look like? Show me a picture.” I grab my phone and scroll through the million pictures I have of Alicia and I, stopping at a snapshot of us from one of the football games. I pick this one because it shows just how beautiful she is. Sure, I could have shown him the one from Halloween when she was dressed like a slutty nurse, but in this one, she looks beautiful. Her dark-olive skin is glowing under the stadium lights and she’s laughing at something I said. Her bright jade eyes are shining against the dark contrast of her skin and hair. She has that perfect hair. The kind every single girl wishes she had; shiny and perfectly wavy. I used to get so envious when she’d wake up, fluff her fingers through her hair and look just as good as the night before.
I don’t even remember who took the picture as I stare at it longer. I’m in it with her and then I feel my eyes widen a little. It’s not just a picture of Alicia and I; Library Boy is in it, too, holding my hand. I look over at Rowen and watch as his gaze zeros in on the hand-holding. I feel his knees shift a little and he instantly goes stiff. Kyle mumbles something like, “Hot damn, she’s attractive,” but he also feels the shift in the air. All of a sudden, I feel like I’m in trouble. Like Rowen has just caught me doing the neighbor or something. But, that can’t be right because he and I were nothing last year. I was simply trying to find myself (read as: trying to get Rowen out of my system).
“And I’m out… ” Kyle jumps up, glancing between the pair of us. “See you two tomorrow.”
With Kyle out of ear distance, I take in Rowen’s posture. He’s definitely mad, or upset. His jaw is clenched tight, muscles playing at the sides of his face. His fists are balled together and if I look closely enough, I can see his chest rising and falling quicker than normal beneath his blue shirt.
“So, that’s what you were doing all year?” I close the picture on the phone, hearing it click, and I blink a few times, trying to figure out what to say.
“Did you expect me not to see anyone else in the last three years that we’ve been apart?” My voice comes out ragged, full of emotion.
“I don’t know what I expected.”
“You can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t seen another girl since everything… ” As much as it pains me to say it, I know it’s true. He’s been with other girls. I know he has, otherwise he wouldn’t be have been so damn confident during our little sexual session in the shower the other night.
“I’
ve seen other girls, Sadie.” My heart plummets. Ouch. “But none of them came even close to you.”
I blurt, “And none of the guys came close to you… why do you think I came back to the club this year? I tried to date, I even had sex to try to rid you from my brain and guess what. It didn’t work.”
His head whips to mine and I realize that I just told him I had sex with someone else. I feel like I’ve stepped over the imaginary line we drew for one another last year. My face instantly feels hot.
“You had sex?” He accentuates the word “sex” and my face gets even hotter. Just slap on some bacon and it’ll be sizzling in no time.
“Haven’t you?” His expression says it all. He looks away from me quickly, trying to hide the guilt.
We don’t speak for a few minutes and I can’t decide what to say. I almost feel the guilt eating me alive that I actually had sex with someone I didn’t love, all to get rid of someone I did love.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper and he quickly grabs my waist and pulls taut around his knees.
“You shouldn’t be sorry. I led us to this.” That little devil on my shoulder is nodding her head. I scowl inwardly. “Plus, I wasn’t exactly a monk during the last three years.”
“So, you’ve been with a lot of other girls?” I feel my heart cracking. Snap, crackle and pop. That’s my heart right now.
“I had sex a lot that first year of school. I was trying to just stop thinking about you. The attack, leaving you, this… ” He reaches up and softly touches my now faded scar. “It didn’t work. It just made me crave you that much more.” I see the desire swarming in the air. Despite the conversation we’re having; I still just want him to pick me up and lay me flat on one of these bleacher benches and show me just how much he regrets the last three years.
I whisper as softly as the wind is blowing, “I feel like the last three years have just been us going around in circles, destroying each other. Over and over again.”
His thumb moves over my lower lip and he runs the pad of his finger over it. “Then let’s just stop.” I give him a weak smile and move onto his lap. He kisses my bare shoulder and we stare out onto the field for a long time, lost in the thousands of memories whirling around us.
Twenty-Three
Alicia is literally bouncing off the walls. She’s getting to “party with my high school gang”, and she hasn’t shut up about meeting Rowen. I’ve filled her in on just about everything, leaving out the whole Sash/affair part. She keeps mumbling on about how my life is more exciting than a soap opera. I roll my eyes and nudge her out the door when Kyle’s black Land Rover pulls up.
He yells, “Let’s go, Sadie!”, and I can hear him all the way from inside. I laugh as Alicia and I both head out the front door, waving to my dad (who is scowling in the corner) and mom. My dad didn’t believe that we were going camping until he watched us descend down the stairs from my bedroom. Alicia and I thought it would be hilarious to look the part of campers so we’re both wearing cut-off shorts, plain tanks and flannel shirts wrapped around our waists, all paired with hiking boots. We actually look cute, for a pair of campers, that is.
When we run outside, Rowen and Kyle both step out of the Rover to grab our bags and I briefly introduce Kyle and Alicia. Kyle reaches in and hugs her and her eyes shoot open and she mouths “OH MY GOD!” from behind his back. I giggle and Rowen shakes his head. Kyle is extremely attractive in a boyish kind of way: from the way his blonde hair (even blonder now from the summer sun) peeks out from his baseball cap, to his dimpled smile, Kyle makes all the girls salivate at the mouth.
“Rowen?” I hear my dad’s voice from the front door and freeze. Oh, crap! Rowen looks at me and takes a deep breath while briefly shaking his head as he makes his way to the front porch, which inevitably is where my dad is standing with his arms crossed like some type of military instructor. It’s quite funny to see my dad act tough. He’s short and on the smaller side in general, to be honest, he isn’t the least bit intimidating.
I watch from outside the car as he and my dad talk. My dad looks to be saying a lot to him. This is vastly different from the first time they met. Rowen was such a young boy, still on the larger side with his long legs, but not as macho as he is now. Now, it’s two men talking, man to man. I see Rowen reach his hand out in an attempt to shake my dad’s, and I still my breathing. My dad looks down at his hand and then back at Rowen’s face and finally gives in. He shakes it and then swiftly lets go, walking back in the house. Rowen is wearing a smug smile as he reaches for the car door and ushers me inside. For a moment there, I felt like I was watching Animal Planet; Will the lion pounce on its prey, or will they come to terms?
“What was that about?” I pipe up as soon as we take off down the road.
Kyle glances back. “Yeah, I was half-expecting to I was going to have to peel him off of you. I for sure thought he would kick your ass.” I hear Alicia snicker from the front seat.
“Oh, he just wanted to know what my intentions were with his daughter.”