“Madeline.” I was facing him now, on my knees, so our faces were level. My eyes had adjusted some in the pitch black, but all I could see was his outline. His hands found my face, and although they were rough to the touch, he held my cheeks like they were made of glass.
“My mom made me promise to hide if this happened again. And to never ever come out of my room.” I shook my head. “He’ll stop. He will. He’ll say sorry. They’ll fuck.” I choked on my words and pushed like hell to get my tears to evaporate. “And he’ll leave us alone again, and things will go back to normal.”
“You mean normal as in locking your bedroom door so men don’t come in here to get a taste of you?” Eric slowly dropped his hands from my face, and for a moment, I was left feeling completely vulnerable. But then he pulled me into his body and placed me on his lap again. My closet was big, but the space we were tucked in, behind the rack of shoes, was barely big enough for us both. His legs hit the wall in front of us, and mine hit the wall beside us. We were tangled up in each other, but instead of it making me antsy, it made me feel safe.
“So, this is why,”
he whispered into my hair, his head falling onto my shoulder again. “This is why you shut me out? Because you were afraid I’d tell my mom and she’d tell your dad?”
My mother and father were still yelling. He was accusing her of all sorts of things, and she was urging him to calm down. It was a lot like being on a merry-go-round—a fucked-up one with rusty carnival animals that didn’t stop spinning until someone got hurt.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I couldn’t risk it. And I couldn’t fathom still being your friend and not telling you. It felt wrong.”
Eric muttered something as we continued listening to my parents. My father hadn’t hit her again, not yet, but their voices were growing louder. Like, right-outside-my-room loud.
“Where the fuck is Madeline? I’ll just ask her. She won’t lie to me.”
Wrong. I would very well lie to him. My father didn’t know me at all. We were complete strangers, although I could play the innocent-daughter part very well when he was around.
My heart started to beat a little faster. My throat began to close. I couldn’t breathe. I tilted my head up, looking for an escape, but there was nowhere to go. There was no other oxygen source. It was just Eric with me inside my closet as I hyperventilated.
I choked for air, and Eric shushed me. “Turn around and put your hand on my heart.”
My chest heaved as I choked out, “What?”
Eric quickly swiveled my body so I was facing him. My legs went on both sides of his hips, so I was straddling him, but I was too concerned with not being able to breathe to care much about it. His palm wrapped around my wrist as he took my hand and crept it underneath his shirt. His chest was warm to the touch, and the skin underneath my fingers had a special feel to it—like nothing I'd ever felt before. Soft, but coarse. A little comforting, but dangerous all the same. His words wrapped around my body like a familiar cocoon. “Do you feel my heart beating?”
I nodded, although he couldn’t see me.
“Count the beats in your head, okay? Try to get yours to beat with mine. You’ve gotta calm down, Maddie.”
My chest was lifting fast, but I concentrated on the beat of his heart. Thump, thump, thump, thump.
I held my breath when I heard my mom pleading with my father. “Madeline isn’t home. I’ve already told you that.”
Eric’s hands cupped my waist, keeping me steady as my hand still rested on his chest. “That’s it. Just focus on the beats.”
I nodded again, slowly relaxing my shoulders and breathing. I felt myself falling into him, collapsing into his shoulder. My forehead landed on the hard plane, my middle pressing down on him as my body grew heavy.
Thump, thump, thump.
“That’s it,” he coaxed as one of his hands came and rested behind my head. “You’re safe with me.”
I’m safe with him. Am I?
My father’s voice boomed as I heard a door crashing into something. I shot straight up, my head swiveling to the light pouring underneath my closet door.
A barely noticeable whimper crawled out of my throat.
“Madeline!” My father’s voice felt like needles being pricked into my skin, over and over again. I was always afraid of shots when I was little, my mom having to hold me down at the doctor’s office. But now I’d take a million of them over hearing the rage in his voice. “Where is she? Do you even know where she is? Her car is parked outside.”
Oh my god. He’s going to come looking for me.
Eric cupped my face and brought my forehead down to his. His whisper eclipsed my fear for a moment. “I won’t let him hurt you.”
“Madeline is out with friends. They picked her up as I was leaving. It’s just you and me here.” She’s covering for me. Does she know I’m in here? “Please just calm down. Let’s just go downstairs and talk this through like adults. I don’t understand why you’re so angry. It’s not like you aren’t having affairs when you’re gone.”
I was coiled tightly; every last muscle in my body was locked. It felt like there was an anvil tied to my ankles, dragging me under.