At least out here, I had Eric following me in his Range Rover. I was still furious with him. So mad I couldn’t even see straight. But I also couldn’t deny feeling a little bit better with him trailing me.
He was likely only following me to see how far I’d make it before I asked for his help. There was no way he was following to make sure I stayed safe, because if it wasn’t evident before that he hated me, it was most definitely evident now. His harsh words were still stinging my skin. “I hope you enjoy getting man-handled walking down those dark alleyways.”
If he only fucking knew.
I furiously wiped another stray tear off my cheek, flinging the wetness into the dark abyss that surrounded me. The amount of disappointment in my stomach was almost enough to make me double over and puke. I was so close. So close to getting some sleep, to turning off the fear and anxiety and pushing away those pesky nightmares. And Eric ruined it.
Four hundred dollars down the freaking drain—literally.
Another four hundred sleepless nights laid in front of me, and the nightmares that I knew would come taunted me, laughing at me, making me feel even smaller than I already felt.
I sighed, my tears eventually coming to a stop, as I glanced at the time. I’d been walking for at least forty minutes, and Eric was still driving behind me, loose embers of asphalt crunching with each slow motion of his tire.
My left pinky toe had a blister on it from the walk, but I’d rather amputate my foot than get into his Range Rover.
Eric and I were at war now.
I let this little charade go on for far too long, the guilt finally catching up to me and making it hard to breathe, but now I was downright pissed off.
He had no idea what he’d done. He had no idea how badly I needed those tiny pink pills. He likely thought I was a druggie, but what did I care about his thoughts of me? They probably couldn’t get much worse than what they already were.
My eyes darted to the left as his headlights got brighter. I kept walking, even when I heard his window roll down. His car continued to move forward slowly for another five or ten minutes before I heard his exasperated sigh.
It drove a hot stake into my back. “Why the fuck are you following me?” I gritted, stopping on the sidewalk to cross my arms over my sweater. “Want a front row seat in watching me get raped?”
My teeth clinked together as the words flew out. The beating of my heart went into triple speed, and I struggled to keep my breathing level. Why did I just say that?
“You’re so fucking twisted, Madeline. Get the fuck in my car before I really do leave your snarky ass out here.”
I couldn’t believe I just said that, given my circumstances.
Sweat beads instantly formed on my forehead. I pushed my hair out of my face, feeling the strands stick like glue to my skin. I swallowed back a tight lump, a sour vomit taste burning my throat. Flashes of suppressed memories cut through my brain like slashes of a knife. I turned my back to Eric, gasping for the night air to calm my spiraling panic.
Just get in the car, Madeline. I knew I needed to. I knew I wouldn’t last when I reached the city. Goosebumps coated every inch of my skin with just the mere thought of those alleyways that Eric had brought up.
“Clock’s fucking ticking,” Eric said with a tightness in his tone.
I spun around quickly, my mini-skirt rising with the motion. “The only reason I’m getting in your car is because you owe me now.”
The tick of his jaw didn’t go unnoticed as I climbed in the front seat. Neither did the snarl in my direction. “I fucking owe you?” My face burned as he threw his head back and howled with laughter. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Madeline.” He pulled back onto the main road, whipping by parked cars on the side. “First, you freeze me out when we’re younger, morphing into some haughty, psycho little bitch.” I winced internally at his words. “Then… then,” he groaned, taking his hand off the steering wheel, flexing his fist before running it through his inky black hair, “you all but throw it in my face that my dad had been fucking your mom for years.” I swallowed, taking my eyes off his veiny forearm as he gripped the leather wheel even harder. “You could have told me. But instead, you only cared about yourself. You’re fucked up, Madeline. I’d always given you the benefit of the doubt, but not after that. It’s tr
ue that you only care about yourself. And fuck, I’d love to know what goes on in your home behind closed doors. Your mom is a slut, not only taking my parents’ marriage down, but likely hers down too. I wonder how many other marriages she’s fucked up.” He slowly looked over at me, and I saw the reflection of what I’d put there the second I ended our friendship: betrayal. He felt betrayed by me and rightly so. I was selfish, and I did only care about myself.
But if I didn’t protect myself, who would?
So, of course I froze him out when we were kids. How could I be his friend—or more—while I knew his father was being a sleaze with my mom? How could I trust him not to ruin everything and somehow my father finding out?
“You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, Eric. You know absolutely nothing about what goes on in our home.”
And trust me, you don’t want to know.
I made Eric hate me for a reason.
I made everyone hate me for a reason.
We were nearing the outskirts of Pike Valley when he said five words that had my shoulders tensing.
“Maybe I’ll just find out...”