When did they become the norm? At what moment did I decide that brushing my teeth directly after I downed a cup of coffee was the thing to do? At what point did I decide that driving to an entirely different town, in the fucking dumps, to stare at Hayley’s house was what I’d do every night?
When did I decide that watching her inhale her food during lunch was my new norm? She was taking over. She was inflicting herself into my bones, seeping her devastatingly broken, yet beautiful face into my brain. I was worried. There was this superego part of me that wanted to be there to save her, to swoop her up into my arms and protect her from everyone who hurt her—including me.
Did she remind me of the past? Yes.
Did that bother me anymore? Maybe if I wasn’t looking at her somber blue eyes. Maybe if I wasn’t reminded of the bruise on her side. Maybe if I didn’t see that tiny bit of fear etched on her features. Because that did something to me. She was the cure to my guilt, whereas before, I thought she was the culprit of it.
The stadium lights were as bright as the sun above my head. We only had two minutes to go; one touchdown stood between us and the
winning buzzer. Oakland was three points ahead. I looked up into the stadium briefly. I scanned over to my father, standing up on the bottom bleacher in his nicest suit. This was the first game he’d been to in a long, long time. I knew he’d leave shortly after, and although I didn’t want to admit it, him being here made me want to play better. It may have been the desperate little boy inside of me that wanted his father to be proud of him, but either way, I had played my very best tonight.
I flicked my eyes past him as I ran out onto the field from the sidelines. The crowd was roaring, my cleats pounding on the wet grass and dirt, my teammates grunting and hollering all around me, but somehow, my eyes found her.
Hayley was standing with Piper, her dark hair in two braids. She had on a navy bulldog’s shirt, and there was an actual smile on her face. Not the kind that she wore in class when the teacher congratulated her on her high test score. Not the kind she wore when she bumped into someone and said excuse me. No, this one reached her eyes. Hayley Smith was having fun, and I hadn’t seen her smile like that for a really long time. It made me crave the past, and I was used to running from it.
“Sideswipe,” I yelled throughout the huddle. I had a couple confused looks. Ollie nodded briefly through his helmet, and Eric muttered, “Coach gon’ kill ya.”
“Sideswipe,” I repeated. We all clapped and lined the field. Coach was probably having an aneurysm at this point, knowing we were bypassing his safe call, but I knew what I was doing. One long pass to Ollie and we’d have a touchdown. Coach made me captain for a reason, and I’d remind him of that when we beat Oakland at the end of the game with more than a measly field goal.
“Hut.”
The ball snapped to me quickly, the pigskin-rubber glued to my palm. I trampled backward, and I zeroed in on Ollie’s fast legs trucking down the field. I wound my arm back, knowing I was about to get plowed, and ignited the ball down the field. I swore the entire stadium went quiet. The buzzer was about to go off, and I landed on my back with an Oakland defensive lineman on top of me. He tried to intimidate me with his glare, but it didn’t work. I pushed at his heavy body when I heard the crowd roaring. I was hoping it was because Ollie had scored and I didn’t blow it. Just as soon as the thought left my head, a few of my teammates appeared above me, pulling the meathead off my body even further. They were smiling ear to ear, black smears underneath their eyes dotted with sweat.
They lifted me to my feet, and I knew that I’d made the right choice. Coach could suck my dick. That was how you won a game. Eric and Taylor lifted me up onto their shoulders, yelling and screaming insanities at Oakland’s players. I was smiling for once, too, genuinely happy.
Through the celebrations, we were pulled off the field as the kicker came on to do the extra point. Coach growled at me but pulled me in for a back pat in the end. “Little fucker,” he said in my ear. “Don’t pull that shit in college. You’ll be benched no matter how good you are.”
I chuckled and pulled my attention away, glancing back up into the stadium to catch a glance of the little ray of sunshine. My brow furrowed when I didn’t see her.
But fuck it. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking of Hayley.
After we all barreled into the locker room and started to pull off our pads, everyone was on a high. Eric already had girls heading to the cabin to celebrate, and my dad was already long gone back to the house to catch up on work and get ready for his next business trip, wherever the fuck that was.
Ollie was smiling ear to ear as he pulled me in for a hug. “Glad you knew what you were doing out there, bro. The scouts are going to be sucking your dick to get you on their team.”
I laughed as I whipped on a clean T-shirt.
With my back turned to the locker room door, I watched as every guy’s expression changed. Ollie pulled back, and his eyebrows drew together. “Piper, what the hell are you doing in here?”
I spun around quickly, my resolve wavering. “Christian.” She gulped.
Ollie and I were both over to her within seconds, ignoring the rest of the team. Her face was pale, her body trembling. Her words were rushed. “It’s Hayley. Something bad happened, and she won’t let me call 911. Hurry.”
Ollie and I didn’t even bat an eyelash. We ran as fast as we could after her.
Chapter Twenty
Hayley
As my face was smashed into the cold, gritty ground, I wondered how I’d gone from standing in a crowd roaring with excitement over a football game to lying in the gravel. Remnants of asphalt were rubbing my skin raw as someone pushed the side of my head down as the other kicked me in the back. Tangy blood filled my mouth, and I held back a whimper. I tried to fight them off. I knew I got one in the balls by the way he had crouched down after, but the other flew on top of me, and now I was pinned.
Their voices were rough, their faces covered in black masks of some sort. It was dark where we were. As soon as I felt them grab me while walking to the bathroom, I knew I should have waited for Piper. I didn’t want her to miss the last few minutes of the game, and I didn’t want to have to wait in a long line of people as they rushed out of the stands.
With each punch and kick to my body, I wondered if this was a result of Gabe. Maybe he did know that I went to English Prep now. Maybe it was a mistake coming here, pretending I was a normal teenager who didn’t have threats appearing all around her.
The two hours of fun with Piper and the eye roll of Pete when she picked me up weren’t worth this.
Not at all.