“I wish I had never cared about you.” She kept her face unmoving, but I could tell she was bothered by what I’d said. “Do you want to know why? You are part of the reason my mom is dead.” Her face was as white as a ghost, and her mouth parted as she gasped. “And guess what, Hayley. I don’t give a fuck about your sob story. You’re not the only one who watched a parent die.” I quieted my voice; it was damn-near a whisper. “I guess we both have some guilt running around in our veins. The only difference is, you played a part in two deaths, not just one.”
I knew it wasn’t her fault entirely. She had no idea her phone call that night would kickstart a spiral of fucked-up shit. But whether she believed it or not, she was the start of the end to my mother. I tried to save Hayley that night, and instead, I ended up killing my mom in the process. The more I blamed Hayley, the less I blamed myself. And that was how I had to keep it.
“Now stay the fuck out of my way,” I seethed and turned around and left her all alone.
Chapter Eleven
Hayley
I didn’t remember leaving the party. I didn’t remember climbing into Piper’s BMW. I had no idea how we ended up back on my street, but looking up at the darkened sky through the windshield, I saw the drab gray house I called home.
“Hayley,” Piper’s voice startled me, and I met her worried face. “You’re kind of scaring me. You haven’t said a word since you talked to Christian.”
“How did his mom die?” I barely recognized the sound of my own voice.
Piper looked around the interior of her car, lost in thought. “Christian’s mom?”
I nodded, bringing my knees up to my chin. I felt so small and so weak after talking to him. He tore me down with just a few words, and that didn’t sit well with me. I was stronger than that.
“She overdosed when we were in eighth grade. It was right before I moved to Wellington Prep.”
Overdosed? I had no idea his mom had died. I always liked his mom. She used to give me rides back to my house when Christian and I were hanging out and it grew past dark. She was nice—which was more than I could say about my own mom, even more so now.
“I don’t get it,” I whispered, racking my brain. “How is that my fault?”
“You’re not making any sense.”
I looked at Piper. Her face was a mask of confusion. “He said it was my fault.”
“What?” She blew breath out of her mouth and turned her body to face mine, getting comfortable in her car. “Okay, listen. You said earlier you didn’t know how to be a friend, so I’m going to teach you. Right now, you would tell me everything that happened with you and Christian, and then we’d spend the rest of the night trying to dissect everything and figure it out.”
Was that what friends did? I wasn’t used to this. The thought of sharing anything with anyone made me queasy. I’d rather suck Pete’s dick than take someone up on their offer for help. Okay, that’s not true at all.
A shaky breath left my lips. “Okay, I’ll start from the beginning.”
After taking a full thirty minutes to fill Piper in on all things Christian related and answering her incessant questions, we were both lying back in her BMW seats (which were more comfortable than my mattress at Pete and Jill’s), still pretty far from understanding what Christian meant.
“Are you sure he said it was your fault?”
I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, pretty much. His exact words were ‘You’re part of the reason my mom is dead.’”
“That makes no sense.”
No, it didn’t. It didn’t make sense at all. I glanced at the dashboard, seeing that it was 3 am. I swung my gaze over to the glowing light of the TV shining through the living room window.
“I should get back inside.”
Piper looked at the house and nodded. “Okay.” Then she glanced at me. “You have Wi-Fi, right?”
“Yeah. That’s the one thing Jill and Pete actually allow me to use, for school work.”
She gave me a soft smile. “Good. Google Christian. His father. His mother. Everyone. Gather all the information you can, and we’ll talk more on Monday. We will figure this out.”
I nodded. “Good idea.” I reached for the door handle, and before getting out, Piper spoke up.
“I’m picking you up at 7am on Monday. No excuses. I’ll honk when I’m here.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but she gave me a look, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head no.